Julz of Life - The Chest

Too Many Verucas, Not Enough Charlies

2011-04-09T12:39:00.002-05:00

Just watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, inspired by Roald Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... but ironically, they changed the title simply to sell chocolate upon the movie's opening.

It's ironic because the message of the movie is about having nothing, being grateful (and far better behaved) for it and later reaping the rewards of being rich in character. It's about gluttony – for treats, for sweets, for having one's own way, for technology, for being first, for being the best.

Veruca, the incredibly well-played brat (seriously, don't you just want to wring the kid's neck??), wants everything and she wants in NOW! Sounds a lot like folks in our society and their intense need to have the latest and greatest, smartest and bestest phone or gadget in hand. They'll trade their time, energy, blood, and consideration for others just to have it first. (Have you seen the mobs lined up for the debut of the whatever-ma-gadget at Best Buy?) Twenty minutes later, the thing is obsolete and the hunger continues, leaving behind a pile of not-so-biodegradable bi-products of greed.

I look around the stores or listen to the children in school and I see and hear the bi-products of the Veruca-like parents. Whining yields results and then the adults make excuses to other adults to justify themselves. “Well, I just had to get him the whole set, all the other boys in his class have them...” “The seventh grade just has to go on a non-educational, yippie-yahoo fun field trip because the eighth grade went on one and we feel bad for them...”

Oh dear. They are certainly carefully taught.

On the other hand, is Charlie. Not truly jumping for joy about eating cabbage water every night for supper, but he's willing to do something about it. This boy has a paper route and uses his first paycheck to buy bread for the family (mom and all four bed-ridden grandparents). He gives the leftover change to his mother, save one coin he gives to Grandpa Joe for tobacco. Even knowing that there are golden tickets to be found in Wonka chocolate bars, he doesn't splurge on himself while his family is in need.

Of course, through some kindness and some chance, he does get a bit of chocolate and then he does end up with a golden ticket. Still, he's ever-concerned over the well being and fate of the naughty kids around him. He has a sound conscience and only disobeys one rule after Grandpa Joe gives him the go-ahead to swipe a sip of soda.

In the end, when Grandpa is ready to flip Willy the bird since he won't deliver on Charlie's lifetime supply of chocolate, it's little Charlie who steps up, returns his Gobstopper to assure Mr. Wonka that he won't divulge any trade secrets and to apologize for breaking a rule.

Wonka gives Charlie his chocolate, the factory and the whole shabang. It's an amazing fantasy, I know. But wow, we could sure use a few more Charlies in this world, couldn't we?

Aldi – From Armpit to Bicep

2011-03-25T11:44:00.001-05:00

I haven't always been an Aldi Shopper. In fact, I must confess that due to my very few experiences in a Northern Illinois Aldi in the 1990s, I used to frequently refer to it as “the armpit of grocery stores.” Back then, it was dirty, dimly lit, poorly stocked with very few freshies (and the ones available were wilted and withered) and they only took cash (which I very infrequently carried.)

I wondered, when they first moved in right in front of the county's only Super Wal-Mart, why on earth we'd need an armpit store in front of the mega discount Wally.

Then a friend (and the sour economy) changed my mind. Now, both in my Wisconsin shopping area and in Illinois, they've brightened the stores up, stocked them well (with even some pretty cool gourmet items) and their produce is fairly plentiful in variety and the prices send me throwing my arms up in “wow-look-at-my-deal” victory.

It took a few trips and the consent to make two lists and two stops (they still don't have EVERYthing I need), but Aldi is almost always part of my grocery shop.

Besides the prices and the better atmosphere, I've found that it's a representation of real world people and it really exemplifies quite a bit of what I value.

On any given day, one might find in the parking lot, several economy sedans, a 1980 VW Rabbit, a beat up pick-up, a 2011 Mercedes, a few mini vans and a Corvette (of any vintage.) What I will report is that I've yet to see a shiny Hummer in the lot. (Why someone needs one of those in a country filled with paved roads is beyond me, honestly.)

Inside, you will find someone pushing a cart filled with nothing but spaghetti dinner fixings. You'll find an elderly couple with calculators out. You'll find a mom reading labels, a teenager asking for pizza puffs and a toddler reaching WAY over the cart to snag a box of cereal.

You'll also find a dad who knows his way around the store like the back of his hand and you'll find a lady in a fur coat and heels with about 11 “staple” gourmet items, giddy at the deal she just scored. You'll also find a man with no cart, three cans of food on the checkout belt and a hand not-quite-full of change.

What a love about Aldi is that, unlike most places in our country, it expects a bit of accountability. You need to pay a quarter to “rent” your cart. When you return it from the weather and dust in the parking lot, you get your quarter back. You need to bring your own bags or find an empty box within the shelves or buy your bags at check-out, or just unload your loot from your cart into your trunk.

You also bag your own groceries. If your hamburger buns arrive home squished or your eggs are broken, it's on you – not the infamous “they” we love to blame.

You can't put your groceries on credit either. Charge-it and owe-it won't fly. It's cash or debit card – a smart way to roll if you like to live within your means.

I find that most people are friendly and there is a mutual understanding that this may not be easy (buying food on a budget, knowing what to buy, going to multiple stores) but we're all here together. We all have to eat.

The first time I saw someone I knew, I felt the same way I did during the only time I walked into an unemployment office – small, defeated, and pretty ticked off at the hand I'd been dealt. Now, I bounce in that place with this wild pride like I've been accepted into a prestigious secret club.

We know what's up. Prices everywhere! We've found a few solutions. One of them is the bicep of grocery stores. They keep it real.

Time to Spin

2011-03-22T15:44:00.001-05:00

You know, there are times when one has to be serious. I mean, seriously hunker down and get to the tough discussions. Politics, ethics, putting it out there for mulling over and then taking a stand. Learning about what is really “up” in the world around us.

I live in Wisconsin. There has been a lot “up” here. No matter where you live, I bet you know what I’m talking about.

My husband and I have been into learning more. We’ve been talking with others, calling legislative offices on all (notice I didn’t say “both”) sides and doing an inordinate amount of Facebook-ing. There have been some great, informed discussions and of course some passionate rants.

Since our discussions get loud sometimes, our 8 ½ year-old has caught on to what’s happening. We know this because she’s asked very intelligent questions on the matter. She’s even questioned a teacher who let the kids know that “our governor won’t be our governor for long because he isn’t doing a good job.”

After she sheepishly admitted that she challenged the teacher, we assured her that it was okay and that, as long as she was respectful, she could state her own opinion. We asked her to explain what she thought.

She did (in vast and intriguingly intelligent detail) and along the way, again asked more questions. We answered, giving as much of each side as we could and looked up information when we were stumped. We were surprised by the length of time she remained engaged. It was about 30 minutes of not-very-watered-down political discussion.

Then, she began to spin. Literally. She put her arms out like a helicopter and spun in the kitchen. This was the “I’m now done” cue.

She had soaked in quite a bit and it was time to move on.

I relayed this story to my dad, who often gets WAY sucked in to nothing-but-politics discussions, and he very wisely stated, “We could learn a lot from that girl. Sometimes, you just gotta stop and spin.” I’ve been noticing more joke posting on FB and have definitely indulged in a few complete “cyber vacations” myself.

Sometimes, you just gotta stop and spin. I'm off to a comedy club (one way to spin!)

Balancing on Contingencies

2011-03-20T17:29:00.009-05:00

Often I get a plan together and even when it has multiple contingencies, I'm back to the drawing board. I've learned, over time, to make certain plans extremely flexible- sometimes to the point of simplistic and vague.
This is outside of my comfort zone. I'm a planner. It's taken a lot of time for me to be okay with "I have no idea what's next" situations. Currently, I'm on the cusp of embracing this wild, wonderful sea of choice rather than looking at it as a major abyss of aimless unknown, but I still have moments of major angst about plans going awry.
It's helped me to look back at unplanned successes. I never aspired to be a divorcee, but without going through that ordeal, I wouldn't have the marriage and family with which I'm currently blessed. I also gained tremendous empathy for others having weathered that storm.
I never hoped to be laid off from a great job while I was 9 mos pregnant, but being forced into taking a leap and starting my own business years ago was a tremendously unexpected positive consequence. It forced me to really examine what type of work-life I prefer during motherhood.
Recently, my plan to get back to my graduate work was underway. I slogged through the red tape and was in final stages of "good to go." I've had a few wrenches thrown at my plan to fund the endeavor. There's one more contingency left before "Plan F," ("back to the flippin' drawing board") goes into affect. I'm not overjoyed. I've had my angst moment about it. And fortunately, new and different opportunities are coming to light... so, if need be, it's back to making new choices.
This weekend I experienced a cool tool. The balance board. Mine is a tapestry-covered board with two half-moon rockers on the bottom. I can stand on it, sit on it, do crunches or even hand stands on it if I felt like a fun ER trip. The key is to balance your weight through continuous adjustment.
I've often taught this in workshops, but something about this board gives me permission to do this goofy-feeling exercise daily. We need movement. We desire centering and knowing that we each have the power and skill to balance given just a moment to focus.
It's time to be creative and flexible.
Being the analogy queen, I'll transfer this refreshed learning to my current (and I'm sure future) set of contingencies. Time to take off my socks, dig my toes into the tapestry and find center again.

Who knows, by summer perhaps I'll have mastered the handstand without a cast.

Digging In (February 8, 2011)

2011-02-28T16:04:00.002-06:00

2011-2-8

After the blizzard of '11 (or snowmageddon, as some called it), it took about 3 days to truly dig out of the drifts. My own “digging out” may well take weeks.

I'm not buried in snow. I'm buried in an office filled with unfinished business. Five months ago, my steady contract work ended with a great company. I had been consulting with members of the ever-growing jobless population, helping them recharge their resumes and spirits. It was a great steady stream of interesting people who were more or less in the same boat of “what next?”

That was 5 months ago. Just today I recycled a whole stack of useless paperwork from that endeavor. It was as if a spring breeze swept through my office when I let the chunk of paper plunk to the bottom of the bin.

After basking in the freshness, I sifted through folders of obsolete information about groups to which I once belonged. Newsletters from my eldest daughter’s pre-school teacher (my daughter’s nearly 9), out-of-date directories from church, old school newsletters and obsolete sales catalogs - dumped. Ahhh.

I now have a stack of things to be filed, but am pleased to report that the recycling bin received far more paper than what remains in that stack. I'm still reeling from the tornado aftermath, where I often ask myself, “would it truly matter if this had been sucked up and blown away in that cyclone?”

I consolidated various lists of unfinished business, dividing out separate lists for business, home, kids, health and now school. (I’m finishing up there, too!)

Great ideas are everywhere, it’s often hard to choose what to give up and what to begin. There are only so many hours…

I’ve been observing that the act of finishing is a huge value of mine. It’s much stronger than I’d given credit. Satisfaction lives within it, win or lose. I’m also noticing to be cautious about the guilt that ensues when I’m faced with ongoing unfinished business.

Can laundry every truly be finished? Or recording children’s growth in words and photos or letter writing or giving gratitude or learning new things? Heavens, I’d hope not. It's not possible unless we wear the same thing daily or never take notes or correspond or give thanks, or heaven forbid… we think we know all there is to know!

So today, I dig in after digging out. I savor this moment and vow to finish what’s important and be more loving and gentle about that which will hopefully remain unfinished for years to come.

Where will you start finishing?

Learning Journey (from January 31, 2011)

2011-02-28T16:03:00.000-06:00

1-31-11

Seventeen years ago, I began a master’s in English Education. Fifteen years ago, after a change of heart, I stopped pursuing my degree to join the corporate world. Nine years ago, I started my family.

This past December, I started studying to “recertify” the hours I’d taken so many years ago. I’m amazed at just how differently I learn after been immersed in reality. Although I’m admittedly still distracted by household things, much like I was in my earlier college years, I’m so much more focused than I was at age 25.

It was also striking to see how deeply committed I’ve become to seeking out more information about the authors so I might suppose what formed their styles. I longed to climb into their minds. With a raging fire in the woodstove and a laptop propped in front of my book, I devoured poet after poet, joyfully this time, rather than painstakingly as I did when I was an undergrad. It was made so much simpler by not having to brave a colossal library to answer the million questions.

During a recertification exam, one of the professors and I remarked about how different grad school would look if every student was required to take 10 years off to first “be” in the world. (She suggested more like 30!)

Some students experience incredible learning the first time around. I wasn’t one of those. I’m sure I had some wonderful instructors, but for me learning required either a connection of some kind or an evident application. Not many struck that chord.

I wasn’t ripe, fertile soil ready to take in their knowledge and grow with what they were planting at the time.

As the snow melts from the fields and my brain, I’m excited to see what happens next.

Weather Proofing (from December 27, 2010)

2011-02-28T16:01:00.001-06:00

2010-12-27

I’ve been working hard not to let things, people and situations squish my spirit. It’s so easy to fall prey to the negativity that lurks both outside and in during Christmas.

I find joy in this season. The preparation. The good secrets. The giggly anticipation. The confirmation of grateful faces and wishes fulfilled. The hope.

I steel myself with traditions we’ll continue and new ones we’ll begin. I simplify and create to avoid feelings of lack and temper the yearning for commercial crap. I light the room with hundreds of tiny twinkling lights, to gently usher in the cold nights. I wrap myself in an armor of cozy blankets by the warm fire, silently singing (loudly in my mind) to tune out the passive aggressive sounds that threaten my calm.

Yet often, the armor isn’t thick enough for the prickly conversation that judges with “kind curiosity.” The cold night slams into my world with minus 20 degree winds and wakes the calm night with the power of 500 watts of overhead lighting in my sleepy eyes.

The oneness I feel with my season disappears like the rings of smoke from the chimney.

Next season, I’ll need a heavier blanket and a louder silent song, apparently.

Perfectionism Can Be Contagious

2011-02-28T14:07:00.003-06:00

I’m the proud mom of two really talented and bright girls. Earlier this year, I sought a bit of assistance from a great advocate of the gifted at their school. She lent me a few books on the subject of perfectionism. As secretly suspected, I have a knack for perfectionism myself. Apparently, it's contagious, so I'm working on it in service of my self and my observers.

I’ve been sitting on some posts I’ve written because they weren’t “just right” or didn’t seem to fit or weren't "appropriate" for the world. I’ve been encouraged by several readers to knock it off and just post.

So, in you’re honor (you know who you are) the following posts are a mish-mash of my imperfect brain. The are dated mostly for my convenience and to give some context. I hope you enjoy.

Blown Away

2010-11-25T07:40:00.006-06:00

Thankfully, I wasn’t. My family wasn’t either. But on Monday afternoon, I stood stunned as I watched a tornado cross in front of me and then (I learned minutes later) travel on to destroy neighbors’ houses.

Before it hit, I was banging away at my keyboard trying desperately to finish a volunteer project that had been looming for some time. I’d been at it all day to avoid the feeling that I’d forgotten to add that “one great bit of info.” (This typically happens after I hit “send.”)

We live in the country. Can’t hear any sirens unless I’m outside, the wind is perfect and I cup my ear (a lot.) It was nearly 70 degrees in November. The sky had been a tumultuous mess all day, so I’d been pretty calm about it. I knew conditions were perfect, but this is often the case here.

I was focused. That day, I didn’t even bother to have wunderground in the background. I wasn’t listening to a radio, I just typed.

My cousin called. “Are you in your basement?”
“No”
“Get there. There’s a warning. It’s heading toward the state line.”
From my driveway, a person could throw a ball to the state line. (Not me, but a person with a good arm...)

I looked out at the sky. Not great, but not much different than much of the day. I saved my work on all 4 pages. I silently warned Murphy not to take my computer in a funnel and fly it into Lake Michigan (that would be just like him… after all, I was almost done.) I called to the basement to see if my hubby was in his office. (He’s always on one weather website or another and calms me down when I freak about what’s out the window.) No answer.

Phone still in hand, I went downstairs, now with greater speed. I live in a house of glass with a walk-out basement. I wasn’t even completely certain of the “safest” place to huddle. I opened the front door. It was pouring. Our German Shepherd shot in like, “Thank God! Have you SEEN it out there??” (He’s typically keen to remain outside no matter how inclement.)

His reaction escalated my fear. “C’mon Sully!” Grabbed flashlight while calling husband’s cell. Ran to basement, checking out windows. Sheets of rain, dark clouds. Trying to get on wunderground downstairs. Fingers not working, then can’t read what it says. What does a pink triangle mean? What’s that noise? It’s our heater fan. Shut it off so I can hear! Ran upstairs. Shut it off.

Husband was at the bank. Children were hopefully still at the school (it was dismissal time.) Faster yet went my heart. Why do tornados like 3pm??
Sully followed wherever I went. (Even to a quick stop to the john, which is in the room he gets bathed. Not typical dog behavior. I peed turbo fast.) Opened door to small room of safety. Basement floor. Dashed out.

Flashlight, phone, dog. Pillow to sit on, blanket. Radio? Dashed to family room, stopped.

Looked up.

A charcoal gray column about 200 feet wide was in front of me, just beyond our pond. The rain had stopped, the air just outside the giant windows in front of me was calm. I mouthed, “Oh, dear God. There it is.” Mouth and eyes agape.

“Sully come!” We huddled on the floor of the little room and he licked my face while I sobbed, thankful for redial since I couldn’t see. “I just saw it… I saw the tornado.”

“You saw it?!” My husband was still at the bank, but now outside watching the storm as it had passed. “It’s passed. You’ll be okay. I’m coming home.”

We agreed he should check the school to be sure the kids were still in it, rather than en route. He did. They were.

I called my dad, still huddling, still sobbing. Still wrapping my mind around what I’d seen. Still wondering all the “what if’s.”

The phone kept ringing. We still had power, miraculously. As I emerged from my huddle, I could see no damage.

Three homes and two barns were hit and sustained devastating damage. One couple was still heading to the basement when it hit, peeling off the top of their ranch house like a sardine can.

Sheet metal and insulation everywhere. Cattle killed. The people were all fine.

Just after I saw it, it must have leaped my neighbor’s house (sparing it completely) and then traveled down her wooded driveway, snapping and uprooting mature evergreens as it did. Two of her full-grown trees were found in the field across the road.

After we gratefully received the kids from the 1 hour late bus, we assessed the damage in our fields. We could see the path in the matted grass, but it must have lifted (or simply didn’t like eating less-mature evergreens!) as it went over the nursery stock. All of it was fine. Deciduous trees in a few of the fence lines and a giant willow tree in a creek bed were shattered. Our neighbor to the north of the fields lost chunks of roof and had shattered windows and downed trees.

Our bus driver hunts our land. He’d taken the day off to hunt. Chores and other distractions kept him from getting to the field, and then the rain came. He was waiting it out before heading here. Had he been in his tree stand when the tornado came through, he’d have been wrapped in a tangle of metal. We found the stand 200 yards from where it had been anchored. It was mangled.

As I thank God over and over for sparing us and our home and trees, I still can’t help but wonder how the tornados choose. It was a question uttered by my youngest the day after the storm. How do we know the next one won’t miss us? She internalizes a lot and after she simmers a bit, we’re careful to give her a release valve so she doesn’t explode.

We acknowledged that her fear is logical and real and it’s natural to be scared of something so powerful. All we can do is be aware and prepare as best we can. Only the wind can truly know. Until then, we just go on and continue to be grateful for doing so.

(And any time life blows us away, we can ask our mommies to rock us and hug the tears away.)

A very happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Refresh.

2010-11-15T12:05:00.001-06:00

Written 11/5/10

Refresh.

I’m not really sure about all the techno ya ya that happens when I hit that magical button on my browser. Somehow, though, it makes the old, unneeded stuff go away and brings me the new, fresh stuff. Ta da!

I’ve been refreshing. My office, my house, my website, my career, my thoughts. There was (and still is) a lot of garbage in all of it. I recycled a stack of magazines yesterday. Some were never even cracked open. I moved them, more than a year ago, to my new office where I’ve tripped over them, moved them from this corner to that and have let them silently suck energy from me. They would whisper, “Aren’t you going to read me? Oprah has a lot of great gems to share and those nice people from Family Fun are filled with great ideas as well. And there have to be some great tips on living more green and healthy in the yoga mags… C’mon, stop and read us!”

Do you have talking stacks of stuff like this? Admit it. Laundry and extraneous projects have spoken to you, begging to be completed (or at least given a second glance!)

I took about 15 minutes to look at the covers, rip 3 articles out of the whole stack of O. I then allowed myself to keep the old WonderTime magazines that are now out of print. (They’re that good and they still make me think and smile.) The rest of them made it to the curb. Liberating.

I resisted posting the lovely periodicals on freecycle, asking friends if they wanted them and the like. Sometimes, you just have to choose and purge.

After making quite a few decisions that weren’t my finest, I’m consciously choosing who gets my energy and time. I’m choosing what will remain and what needs to GO in regards to relationships, attention, stuff, money, projects, ideas and events. While I realize that this will not be a series of decisions as easy as dumping Oprah in the blue bin, I’m keeping my eye on the end.

When I look back, whether it’s a day or years, I’d like to be proud of my actions. Living on purpose and thriving, rather than reacting and surviving.

I can already feel the energy in this “refresh.” More updates to come.

Speed Dating

2010-11-15T11:56:00.001-06:00

Last night, in a long-awaited gathering of friends, I was reminded how important it is to find community. We are all alone in many aspects. We may be around people all day, or not. We may talk to people constantly, or not. We may have plenty on the social calendar, or not. None of this really accounts for how alone a person may feel. Isolation comes in many packages, most especially for extroverts who work from home... alone.

We chose to “speed date” last night (or some warped version thereof for all of us aged 30-40 something wives/moms.) Our dilemma has always been that our evenings together as a group are few and far between. While we enjoy the time out together, we never feel completely caught up or “in tune” with what’s going on in the lives of these women we call friends.

We’re all busy. We’re all caught up in our own junk. So we’ll chat a bit about the tooth fairy incident to one friend, a bit about the job search to another, and on a rare occasion, we’ll get into some of the meat of our challenges. Sometimes, if we eavesdrop, we’ll catch a 2 for 1 conversation and learn about what’s happening with two other gals, but then it’s time to go, leaving so much left unsaid and unheard.

There were 12 of us. The first hour is filled with greeting each other and discussing what delicious things are on the countertop buffet. Once we had our group, we sat in a circle with our loaded plates and touched on what’s been happening of late.

There were losses, there were gains. There were updates on things we knew and surprising news of things we’d not yet heard. There were admissions, confessions and some therapeutic monologues that solidified self discoveries for us all to bear witness. There has been healing as well as disrepair. There was laughter, silence and tears. New jokes were made that are sure to last.

We heard, “my life is boring, nothing really going on…” more than once. (Even in the assumed mundane we can feel isolation.) Yet, everyone had struggles and learning and triumphs that were inspiring. I gained something from every woman there. I felt seen, heard, loved and a tiny been more known. I have a better idea of how I might support each of my friends. I can keep an eye out for resources to help her, lend an ear or a hand, spread the word about her skill or products. Or I can just hold the space for her success.

We’ve decided to speed date once a month, but I think we’ll need a better name…

Weeds - from May 5, 2010

2010-05-18T08:52:00.003-05:00

5-5-10

I've been weeding a lot lately.
Our new house has nine flowerbeds. Sizeable ones. Lots of cool perennials.
Last summer they received little to no care. The house was vacant. We were changing the inside so we could move in and chose to neglect the outside for a season simply out of necessity.
The weeds were loving it. Last fall and this spring, we've been in reparation mode. De-uglification. Big time.
I'm just starting to identify the good from the evil in this mass of green and bloom. Sometimes, it's evident right away (grass, thistle and dandelions are a no-brainers, creeping Charlie is a give-away as well). Most times, though, I have to wait until there's been some substantial growth (or a flower!) and then I can identify it. I hear that sometimes waiting until then it’s too late. Often the "bad" has then taken over and wound around the good stuff, so when you pull, you pull it all up- good and bad alike.
Sitting in the grass on the outskirts of my tiny jungles, I've been deep in thought about my business over the last year. It's been through some "inside work" as well, while the outside has seemed to get a bit vine-covered.
I've been retooling and gathering new skills, touching the lives of a slightly different clientele. During the last year, while rolling with the economy’s punches, I’ve helped people transition through job search while contracting out as a career management consultant. I rework their resumes, show them the job search ropes and generally coach with them through the process. (And if you’ve ever been unemployed, it can be a truly daunting process.)
Many of the over 300 job candidates I’ve worked with this past year have been working moms and many have not. But each has had his or her own share of chaos which I’ve had a hand in mitigating.
As I “worked on the inside,” often I lamented the flowerbeds of coaching that I left to wait for me. It’s been more than a year since my last Chest newsletter. I haven’t offered a new teleclass or live workshop since then either. It’s easy to call Julz of Life “abandoned” yet I’m reminded by my plants (as well as comments from my current clients) that it’s far from the truth.
My life's work, my passion... is so embedded in who I am that no prolific vine of doubt or false sense of reality could choke it out. I’m ready to get back outside with even more to offer for having been inside for a while.
What have you been working on "inside?" Where does your work get choked out? What needs a bit of weeding (and some PREEN to keep them from creeping back in)? Drop me a line.

Don't Look Down

2010-03-02T15:16:00.002-06:00

I've been singing BB King this past month. Valentines Day brings it on. When I was a kid, this song (below) was a family favorite, brought home by my laughing father with a resounding, "you have to hear this!"

As I teach my kids to walk a balance beam or ride a bike or not sweat the small stuff... it still holds true. If only we could remember it ourselves more often. Keep out of the minutia, put the hammer down and just don't look down.

Enjoy!

Better Not Look Down
by BB King

I’ve been around and I’ve seen some things
People moving faster than the speed of sound
Faster than the speeding bullet
People living like Superman
All day and all night
And I won’t say if it’s wrong or if it’s right
I’m pretty fast myself
But I do have some advice to pass
Along in the chorus of this song

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

An old girl friend of mine showed up the other day
That girl have lived in love and for love
And over love, and under love all her life
If the arrows from cupid’s bow that had
Passed through her heart had been sticking
Out of her body she would have looked like
A porcupine, and she asked me
B.B. do you think I’ve lived my life all wrong?
And I said: The only advice I have to pass
Along in the chorus of this song
Girl

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

I was walking down the street at sunrise one morning
In London, England
And there was a very large Rolls Royce Limousine
Pulling slowly along the street
And in that Rolls Royce was the Queen of England
Looking tired
Just go back from a party, and the Queen leaned out and
She said: Aren’t you B.B. King? She said:
Oh B.B., sometimes it’s so hard to pull things together
Could you tell me what you think I ought to do?
And I said:

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

Talk About the Weather

2010-02-22T20:03:00.001-06:00

There’s a lot of talk about the weather. “Global warming” (wag the dog), pounds of snow in atypical climates, groundhog news, icy, slushy Olympics and all. Moaning, groaning, predicting, and whining.

I live in the Midwest. We’ve had white ground since December 9th. It’s tried to melt a couple of times, but to no avail. We keep getting a fresh dusting (or dumping) off and on which has kept a nice white glow covering the usually grey and muddy landscape. It’s the first time this has happened (for real) in years and years (although Christmas cards and textbooks would have the rest of the world believe otherwise).

It’s pretty magical, almost divine, I think. I don’t know about you, but I truly needed a sugar coating this winter. There’s enough daily grey just turning on the news and opening the mail. It’s fantastic to look out to see a “wonderland” (to quote the Abominable Snowman in Monsters Inc.) rather than muck. Not to mention how great it is to let the dog in and not worry about giant, black paws all over the floors!

My kids and I have made snowmen and snowmice. We’ve sledded. We’ve hiked. My husband has snow shoed. We’ve had no loss for dog toys since our German Shepherd fetches snowballs (and every so often, he unearths a real dog toy and then it’s amazing fun.) They’ve experienced frozen pond, thawing pond, refrozen pond. We’ve investigated the tracks that various creatures have made in the snow and commented about who chooses not to walk a straight line.

Honestly, I’m not ready for the melt. I’ve needed this winter’s hibernation. I’ve needed time to cozy up in a cocoon and decide what the butterfly might look like come spring. We’ve been reinventing “fun” and “necessity” which may now become tradition.

With so very much out of control at the moment, it’s so nice to sit back and marvel at what nature delivers and see what’s possible when we work with what arrives.

Where’s your “fresh snow?” Have you chosen to play in it or wish it away?

When the Boat’s Too Heavy, Throw Something Overboard!

2010-01-13T09:40:00.002-06:00

I help recently unemployed individuals with job search and resume revision, so I try to keep up on what’s happening. There’s a lot of doom and gloom in the press. Some with merit, some not. I glean what I can and blow away the rest.

Interesting to see the trend that this recession isn’t necessarily following trends of those in the past. One article from this morning’s WSJ discussed that many jobs became unnecessary over the years, but still existed in a good economy (i.e. receptionists, many administrative positions, some finance industry "extras"). Many are gone or in the process of being eliminated due to budgetary constraints. Some are replaced with technology; some are just not being replaced as they were duplication of efforts in the first place. Some are being outsourced to other countries. Other positions are seeing a dramatic reduction in salary, (honestly, bringing them back into the realm of reasonable... I'm waiting for the day professional sports salaries "get real.")

So, if people are in the position where they can’t do what they used to do or if they can, it’s not for the same wage, what next?

It may sound elementary, but if you’re in a leaking, sinking boat with all your possessions, the logical thing would be to start throwing some things overboard. There are precious few of us who are at a “bare bones” place right now. Redefining “necessity” is a healthy exercise. It’s so easy to misinterpret the “nice to have” for the “need to have.”

If you don’t have a goal of living within your means, then you may as well stop reading now and go charge a $7 cup of coffee at Starbucks, and for kicks, add a $4 bagel because you “deserve” it. All others read on.

Try listing all your expenses, and if appropriate, your spending “habits” as well. (These things often get omitted from the true budget but seem to eat it alive!) Then, honestly ask yourself what the consequences would be if you eliminated that expense. Some may be dire consequences. A diabetic throwing the insulin overboard - not a good move. Some things may be removed temporarily with a date or event given for when they may return (i.e. “by summer” or “after first full month of employment”)

After you have the “necessities” in the budget, look at what’s in your control to reduce them. Can you trade services for anything? Can you get a discount on anything? Consolidate or bundle your telecoms? Is eliminating a car feasible? Can you change where you shop?

This takes practice. You must stop and think - Does the consequence of affording the service/item outweigh the consequence of eliminating (or reducing) it?

The bigger challenge – Decide how you will reframe your idea of abundance to match your goal of living within your means.

If you’d like to discuss this exercise, write to me at Julie@julzoflife.com or comment below.

Inventory

2010-01-13T08:15:00.005-06:00

I don’t mind admitting that 2008 and 2009 were not easy. There were plenty of blessing to count, but to be honest, some days it was really tough to name them.

I’d love to report that my business is booming. I’d love to report that I’ve finished my book on creating valuable habits and that it’s flying out of stores everywhere. I’d love to tell you that folks are stacked a mile high eager to receive coaching and transform their desires to reality. I’d love to report a full schedule of overbooked teleclasses. I’d love to report that those same people are sitting in such abundance that investing in their personal growth in this way is as easy a decision as buying a pack of gum.

Alas, that is not my report.

What I will report is that I am employed. I am in the black. I am healthy (albeit a tad nuts some days). I am moving forward. I am dreaming old and new dreams. I am exercising. I am paying it forward. I am doing what I can to help others get through. I am continuing to be creative with solutions. I am letting go of that which I cannot control.

I take this inventory for my own benefit, but also to help you sort your own losses and blessings. Begin with your losses. Finish with your blessings. See what comes up.

If you’d like to discuss it, write to me. Julie@julzoflife.com

Happy 2010. Make it great.

The Power of “Getting Out”

2009-10-27T15:42:00.003-05:00

On Friday, I went for coffee again. This made the second Friday in a row that I actually got out. I’m not incarcerated; I’ve just fallen pray to a bad habit. The habit is called “working from home means staying at home.”

I work with individuals who are job searching and I repeatedly stress the importance of face to face networking and just "getting out there." The word networking gives most of us shivers, so let's talk about my coffee dates instead.

It had been nearly a year since I’ve seen my friend Colleen outside of cyberspace. She's a mom-trepreneur who owns Toe to Toe, a ballet studio, and has 4 school-aged boys, so her schedule is nuts.
There were a thousand barriers to my making this (or any other) date. Could I fit it in my schedule? This is a bit decadent for this economy if it’s “just for fun.” What would I have to move to get it in there? Could I get my kindergartener fed and on the bus on time? A coffee shop cup of coffee is 9 million dollars and I can buy several hundred pots at home for that. This means that I’ll have to shower and perhaps find my mascara, doesn’t it? Amazing how logical the Gremlins in our heads sound when we’re branching out of the cozy norm. Regardless, we nailed down a date and time and decided to meet halfway at a mom and pop coffee shop.

Appropriately named for my momentous branching out – our venue, “Tickled Pink” was adorable and inviting. It seemed to breed connection and unlikely pairings. It’s an antique and consignment shop in the middle and a sort of small business hub on the outskirts, complete with WiFi. I was greeted by a band of morning hecklers who were admitted regulars to the shop. They were hospitable and welcoming as I fumbled through my awkward ordering of “just a dumb old cuppa coffee, nothing fancy.” They all wondered just how on earth I’d never been in the shop if I’d lived in the community since it opened.

How, indeed? It sure seemed the place to be.

As I was stirring in some real Wisconsin cream, my friend arrived, ordered and checked out a “Princess Tea Party” flyer on the counter and led me to a cozy spot by a fake roaring fire.

We caught up on family lives and went on into chatting about businesses, hers and mine. Despite the economy, ballet is booming and she’s adding classes. We talked about my writing and coaching and recent opportunities I’d been exploring. I told her that since I’ve now revamped hundreds of resumes, I took my hand at my own. Not an easy task. She asked for a copy so she could take a look at my work and perhaps ask her husband if there was a need for some of my freelance where he works. I handed one over.

We talked about a mutual friend, Robin, who’s also a mom-trepreneur. She owns Zainey and Zoe, an online boutique that features girls’ accessories. Colleen wanted to contact her about an upcoming event for vendors at her studio, but she lost her number. I’m Robin’s business coach, so I knew it by heart.

Our short hour and twenty minutes was coming to a close. As we whipped on our coats, she folded up my resume and joked, “you don’t teach dance do you?”

“I taught Salsa and Meringue in college…”

“You’re kidding?! People keep asking for couples dancing. I’ll need to ponder this…” And we parted, vowing to make it less than a year until next time.

I had such fun on my coffee field trip that I repeated it again. This time with Robin and this time we each had a small girl in tow. We’re seasoned at this, so we were prepared to keep them entertained. Also, the week prior, I’d noticed the sign prominently hung above the coffee counter which read, “Unattended children will be served coffee and given a puppy.” Best to bring crayons.

We settled in next to the same faux fire as I had the week before and swept through the news of late. The girls colored while we sipped and chatted. I told Robin about a great deal I scored at the Clearwaters Salon around the corner yesterday ($5 cuts with an apprentice stylist who was wonderful!) While there, I learned about The Green Grocer, a new holistic food store that had a host of gluten free product. (Robin buys gluten free… always looking for a new local source.)

By chance, Colleen came in with her business manager and was able to connect with Robin personally about the vendor fair. The business manager would be handling it, and since being introduced, they can now put names to faces.

Our time was up and we gathered coats. Robin put Zaine’s adorable hat back on (her own creation, as we typically adorn our smidgens in her work when we take them out) and we headed for the door. The owner was there, holding it open and wishing us a good day. As we passed, she said, “What an ADORABLE beanie!” Robin, who can be squeamish about selling, was quick to casually respond, “Would you like to sell them in your store? I make them. Here’s my card.” Delightful.

Just like butter. One right after the next, connections flowed. I might never teach Salsa at the studio. Robin might not partake in the vendor fair. Perhaps nothing will come of Colleen’s husband peeking at my resume. But the seeds were planted. As soon as the message bottles are thrown in the ocean, things are more possible than they were yesterday.

Get out there.

Are you settled?

2009-10-10T09:20:00.003-05:00

Interesting to see where I was in July amidst my immersion in much needed diversion. (The joys of a blog.) Since then, my husband and I have packed, unpacked, removed wallpaper from and painted multiple rooms, cleared and otherwise reorganized stuff left in the new house and moved the rest of our stuff to one home. For both of us, work life has changed and is still in flux.

I'm not sure that "settled" is the word I'd like to achieve. I'm not sure it's entirely possible (or desireable), to be honest. Every time someone askes that of me, "Are you settled in?" I can't muster an affirmative answer. "It will take a while, I think, but it's feeling homier." Is homier even a word?!

So I'm taking the old adage to heart. "Happiness is not a destination, but a manner of travel."

When the weather was exceedingly gorgeous, we took time to enjoy the pool and get the yard in better order. My youngest learned to ride a two-wheeler and we were all there to witness. When school started, my husband and I took advantage of our work schedules and hung out at the roadside as a family, teaching the dog not to eat the bus as it swallowed his girls.

We are not "unsettled," so there's that. It's as if we're floating somewhere near the surface instead of sinking to the bottom to rest with the other silt.

Not sure where this will take us next, but we're keeping open minds.

How about you... are you "settled?"

Daily (hourly?) Intimacy

2009-07-08T11:29:00.003-05:00

Well, that got you reading! ;)

Still stuck on the Twilight saga.

I finished Eclipse and have ordered the boxed set of all 4 from Amazon for re-reading... (What a JUNKIE I've become...) and last night I started Midnight Sun (online) to tide me over til the Amazon box arrives. There’s so much in there to ponder. I find it keeps seeping into my reality.

I realized last night that I've been trying to emulate some of the honesty (and playfulness where honesty is concerned) in my own life that's evident in most of the relationships within Stephenie Meyer’s books. It's interesting to see the pleasant and sometimes unexpected responses I receive. Mostly, I’m intrigued by how easy it is to blurt what’s been hiding inside when I do it with the intention of honoring a relationship rather than proving a point.

Take marital intimacy as one example. You know, we may fantasize about makin' out like teenagers and having that intense longing for one another, but how often do we actually try to achieve that level of intimacy again? In the past, that fiery spark was often caused by the threat of getting caught or the fear of something yet to be experienced... stealing short snippets of time together and hoping to experience a degree of that rapture, if only from a simple touch on the face or embrace.

As parents, “grown-ups,” if you will, we're often reduced to the base... wham, bam we-have-15-mins-so-let's-get-on-with-it-and-get-to-sleep attitudes about intimacy. I've been wondering if "getting caught" doesn't have to mean by our parents anymore. What if we took those same fire-inducing risks while adding intimacy to the mundane? Where’s that new envelope to push? Preparing dinner... passing one another in the hallway while getting kids ready for bed... kissing each other goodbye in the morning... long stares at noontime on a Sunday while holding out so you're not the first to drop your gaze. What if we risked getting caught acting not-so-married and routine? (oooh, SCANDALOUS!)

How might that help the stress levels of couples currently in the marriage wringers? What would it mean for you both to really feel “I’m truly with you” when you’re near each other?

Where else do you seek more honest, intimacy in your life? Are you truly engaged and honest with your kids, your friends, your mom… would you like to be? If so, what’s holding you back?

Day's a Wastin'

2009-06-25T09:02:00.003-05:00

I’ve been immersed in the Twilight saga. (Started Eclipse last night!) Reading them has reminded me that I was once dead set on becoming a writer for teens. The author has reached two distinct audiences (teens and say, the 25-45 crowd?) with such gripping passion that I’m in awe.

It’s evoked so much in me that I’m often just standing there, dumb, with my mouth and eyes wide open… wondering. I wonder about my life, my past, present and future and pictures vividly flash before me… memories I haven’t thought about for years. I’ve had so much “head down” time with kids and muttling through that I’m excited and fearful at once that I just might be waking back up.

I looked at my girls last night… My eldest was teaching her sister something on paper, her air-dried pool hair draped around her face in perfect waves. My youngest looked up and smiled at me all the way to the corners of her eyes… they were being kind to each other. I was struck…

“Wow, are you amazing and adorable!”

How is it that I often don’t see? I’d just been in a rage about them losing the “wet hair comb” (it’s a curly hair thing…) not fifteen minutes prior. It wasn’t about them. It was about nothing being where it should (including me)… it was about too much change… it was about overwhelm. They were so forgiving. What kind of mess am I these days, I wondered? Such a mess that I can’t see what IS.

This is what I call an “ah ha” moment. I’m noticing (again!) just how very simple it is to slip out of the present and let the beauty in my life slip by without my noticing. It’s like waking up and finding that it’s noon on a gorgeous day.

Time to wake now. Day’s a wasting.

Perspective in The Dead Zone

2009-06-19T08:27:00.006-05:00

I'm finding it rather funny (not so much "hilarious" funny) that my life holds many parallels to a story about a vampire and a girl. Although I've not been in a relationship with a nocturnal creature who drinks blood, I've had plenty of situations suck the "life" or "passion" straight out of me. (And many which have resulted in quite the opposite as well... some of them the very same situation at a new stage.)

I've been engrossed in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. (Thus, not so much blog writing of late.) I've found it funny to learn how many women my age are also gripping their 500pg volumes and not putting them down except to shower (perhaps.) Since I'm of the age where many passions are by the wayside while the kids, the hubby, the job, the house, the dog... all need cleaning, feeding, tending and attending, it doesn't really surprise me that this book series has turned into an obsession in the hands of my peers.

I've only read the first book and it's awakened in me parts that have been slowly dying. Over the years, (and most certainly the last one) senses have been dulled through pain and necessity.

While reading Bella's descriptions of Forks, WA, a town soaked in rain nearly 24/7, I'm reminded of how perspective plays a role in everything. When I was 16, I was taken (dragged is more appropriate) to Canada to go fishing. Dream vacation for a teenage girl, no? Lake of the Woods Ontario is beautiful, but not for a 16 year old girl who would rather die that hook a minnow through the eyes. I chose to hang on the doc reading and writing (and sulking a bit) until they'd fetch me for shore lunch. After lunch they would drop me back on the dock to sunbathe or, if it was nice, we'd waterski.

After a day or two, my family noticed my increasing enthusiasm about our choice in vacation spots. Bugs, worms, minnows, cold water and all, I was happy. There was another amenity at our "resort." He was a curly haired, sky blue-eyed 17 yr old who carried gas cans and cleaned fish (and gave me crap for my "participation" in the family vacation.)

Later that summer, my folks announced that they were going to go back north (the 12+ hours) for a little fishing trip. "Great! Can I go?" actually escaped my lips.

It poured (POURED) for the entire 4 days we were there. I smiled the whole way home.

Perspective.

I find that in my current "dead zone" moments that I've held a very "head down and into the wind" posture. I haven't been raising my eyes to see the details or the beauty therein. I haven't stopped enough to straighten my body and inhale what's available in the moment.

I've chosen to stop. To look. To drink in the details. So there's more life now. I can feel it already.

What perspectives are you missing? What's up? What passions are to be found when you drink in some life around you?

Gratitude and Funny #2

2009-06-12T21:11:00.002-05:00

So the funny...

Both of my girls have now asked if they had to "peck" out of my body to be born.

I'm intensely grateful that the answer is "NO."

Also grateful that the questions haven't gone too much further... yet.

How about you? For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude and a Funny #1

2009-06-10T07:53:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I started posting "gratitude" on Facebook. I thought the reponse was great! My goal is to post things I'm grateful for each day along with something humorous. I hope you'll play along or at least enjoy!

Sesame Street - given that in two days we will no longer have TV at my house... I'm savoring it.

Cupcakes - I get to make these with Vivian today for "end of school" and "end of sitter" celebrations.

Hot coffee... ahhh.

Lip liner.

Sunshine on my shoulders (not yet today, but it may be in the cards!)

So... the funny:

Last week I casually used the word "predicament" while talking to my 4 year old. She asked what it meant. I defined it for her.

She then says, "So like when there are 3 or 4 choices of special treat and they're all good... that's a predicament, right?"

And she went on 4 or 5 other examples... all totally correct. Just cracked me up. We all have predicaments, don't we??

So... what are YOU grateful for today? Please comment.

Is it a game with a stick, or a state of being...

2009-06-09T13:23:00.003-05:00

Limbo.

This is a prevalent theme for many of my friends and I. Stuck between hither and yon. (I've tried google maps... not much help in finding my way on this one.)

Selling homes, waiting for economic waters to warm a bit, waiting to hear on jobs, filling dressers with half our summer clothes and keeping out 1/2 the winter... we're in Dr. Seuss' "waiting place."

A lot of serious stuff going on everywhere. The news is rather petrifying. I'm looking forward to the 12th when we'll have NO TV. (We're a strange family that chooses no cable and a converter box is worthless on snowy reception.)

I have a friend who advises others to skip right to page 5 of the newspaper because that's where they hide all the good news. It got me thinking. I've had a lot of "how low can you go" moments of late and I'm wondering where my page 5 has gone? What would it look like?

My page 5 would have to be filled with humor, reminders about flexibility, patience and reasons for gratitude. Each day, I've committed to posting a few notes of gratitude and finding something funny to share. I hope you'll join me in the comments section.

It may be a stretch, but that's what has to be done to get out from under this stick... standing tall on the other side.

How low can YOU go? (And remember, no ducking under... that's cheating. Chin and nose under that bar!) ;)

Valuing Your Summer Schedule

2009-06-09T13:10:00.003-05:00

"A schedule defends from chaos and whim.
It is a net for catching days...
A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order --
willed, faked, and so brought into being.
~Annie Dillard

School ends, camps begin, vacations ensue, new sitters start, visitors arrive… and before you know it, it’s Labor Day. Where’d the summer go?

I have a one hour FREE telecourse designed to help moms transition from one “season” to the next. Summer is certainly a season of change. It’s not too late to map out what you’d like your “Summer 2009” essay to look like!

Wednesday, June 17th, 8-9pm CT.
Write to Julie@julzoflife.com or call 262-374-3744 to register.

If you can't play this time, one on one coaching is available as well. Give me a call for details.

Oh Groan!

2009-04-20T20:27:00.002-05:00

We have a large (LARGE!) German Shepherd puppy named Sully. He's awesome.

Here in the "late night" we hang out in our office and Sully spreads out on the wood floor at our feet.

It doesn't take long before we hear a loud, bellowing groan from him. We laugh. It never fails. The groan just provokes such joy, ridiculousness and, well, envy.

I so wish that, in the serious moments, I could just let out a long, loud groan. It's as if he's saying, "Are you SERIOUS?! We're going BACK to work? Why can't we just play BALL???"

Dogs are smart. We need to listen more.

Whhere would you like to let out a groan? What would it say in your life?

ABBA Commute

2009-03-23T09:22:00.004-05:00

I've often lamented not having a true "commute" to and from work. (Long ago, I exchanged my 45-90 minute commute for a staircase when I chose to work from home.) There is something to be said for the ramping up/ramping down time a commute affords. There's a mindset switch that's pretty valuable.

I had a birthday recently. About 6 months ago, all I asked for was ABBA's Greatest Hits. Then, a few weeks before my birthday, we rented Mama Mia. It was way better than anticipated. Seriously, how many greatest hits albums can retroactively fit into a musical and make sense? I had to have it now. So, my daughters (via their dear Daddy) delivered.

Each night, whenever possible, we get all "Dancing Queen" and "SOS" in the living room. I find it hilarious that the kids know many of the words (and make up their own in handy places.)

Their favorite is the refrain, "having the time of your life... Ooooooh!" We spin and wave our arms. It's great fun. Very cathartic.

I think I've found my new commute home. Instead of an ignition, it has a PLAY button.

Now, to find an appropriate commute TO work...

What's your igintion? What brings you to and from a work mindset?

Comment... I want to know!

Ketchup, Ketchup... We Made A Ketchup!

2009-03-20T15:08:00.005-05:00

So January and February are a smidge blurry to me. I started working with a large client contract in January and I've been readjusting nearly every slice of my life to accommodate. We get creative and sometimes throw out all the "rules" to accommodate certain challenges, don't we?

I've had quite a few days that seem not to end, where I emerge from my office for mealtime and then head back in. There were several weeks at a time in the first two months when I did not leave the house at all. Rule #1 - extroverts need to get out.

Mealtime is somewhat sacred in our house in that we try to eat together every night. I'm sure I wasn't much fun at all to eat with in January. I would hold up my "talk to the" hand and remind the family that I was coming down from a turbo-multitasking high and that I needed "a moment" that might last the whole meal. Rule #2 had been tossed by the wayside - a commute is often necessary even when working from home. (Even if the "commute" looks more like a change of clothes than location.)

So much of what I've been dealing with can tend to be heavy. I began talking gibberish at dinner the other day for lack of real words. We all laughed so hard it knocked the nonsense back into me. I'd lost rule #3, humor is vital.

I had to say "whoa" this last week and climb back into a few of my old slices of life. The people slice has taken a beating. The exercise slice is not far behind. The kid slice... both the kids I brought into the world and the kid in me… has been neglected.

So, we took a walk to the park on a sunny day. I played. I actually played. No discipline, no direction, no "stop it!" Just played and watched. Everyone behaved.

More than that - we connected. As I swung from the monkey bars, my daughters were on the swings. I’d never done this as a kid, but when two swings are going in unison to and fro… they chant, “Ketchup, ketchup! We made a ketchup!” (When they’re all a mess, it’s “mustard.”)

They delight in the connection…being together again, in unison. I couldn’t help but feel right with the world again. Rather than tell them it was time to go, I offered up a pre-dinner cookie at home. We found a stone that knew the way home and we took turns kicking it til we made it there. (Stones are pretty clever these days, remember that if you’re ever lost.)

So, where in your life are you mustard? Where would you like some ketchup?

Let me know. I’ll be at the park.

The Fail Safe

2009-02-11T20:24:00.003-06:00

A couple weeks ago I tried this new craze called Zumba. It's Spanish slang for "move very fast and have fun." They're not joking. It's a hoot.

I used to teach Latin dance in college. Zumba is akin to an hour with a 15 piece brass marimba band and zero inhibitions. Loved it. I went all out.

This was after spending three straight weeks at my PC, first with the hellish preparation for an IRS audit (more on that another day) and then ramping up with a new project helping folks who've recently been laid off. Just a tad of stress necessarily veiled in a certain degree of calm.

Two days after my Zumba escapade, my back went out. My not-so-exercised muscles tightening around my already gnarled-from-stress muscles causing my SI joints to temporarily stop supporting my weight.

I forgot one of my own rules. In times of extreme stress, the mind may keep going, but the body will eventually say, "whoa." The chiropractor tried to put Humpty back together again. It didn't work so well. "You're a knotted mess. You need massage."

Another great chiropractic quote... if you ignore your stress long enough it turns into a pain in the neck... ignore that long enough and you'll have a large pain in the butt. Ignore that and you'll soon be immobile.

No joke.

After three days of extreme pain, alternating between icing/moist heating, a very great (albeit painful) massage and lots of Quasi Moto pacing, I started to laugh at myself. This is not a design flaw, you dork! It's a fail safe.

If you don't take care of yourself, things will begin to fail. If you ignore the failures, you will have pain. If you ignore the pain, you will have more pain in more inconvenient places. If you ignore the big pain, you'll get taken out at the knees until you have little choice but to care for yourself.

See, fail safe.

I share this with you because it would have been far easier for me to listen and make some changes at "things beginning to fail" stage. That would have taken a keen sense of knowing my body AND truly believing I deserve the care in the moment. Although I knew my body well enough, I chose to wait until a "better time" to take care of myself. Each time became "not that bad" until my body called it quits.

Where is your body failing you? Are you listening to it? What habit could you change today to help your body get back to health?

Do you have a stress valve? How do you release it? How often is "enough" for releasing the stress in your life?

p.s. I asked the chiropractor if Zumba was what killed me. It wasn't. The truth, I believe it may have saved me. (It's my valve!)
Everybody, everybody do the Cha Cha!

Find Your Bell

2009-01-19T09:04:00.003-06:00

On Christmas Eve, our family received a new member. He’s now my 80 lb, furry German Shepherd son named Sully. He’s incredibly docile (unless you attempt to enter the yard or have the audacity to be in his line of sight while he’s inside his fence… then he appears to want you for lunch.) He’s soft and playful and loving.

He’s also very smart.

He rings a bell with his nose to indicate that he needs to go out. Most of the time, he rings the bell not because he needs to eliminate waste… he just needs relief.

He’ll ring it during the flurry of getting a meal to the table. He’ll ring it when he’s had enough “child-in-the-face” time. He’ll ring it when someone is crying and licking their face isn’t effective. He'll ring it when someone is being disciplined at high decibels. He’ll ring it if no one will play and he needs to run off some energy (he’s only 7 months, so that’s like a 3 ½ year old human kid.)

I need a bell. A bell I can ring when I need a moment.

I’m fairly certain I’d rather not sit on a snow-covered porch in -8 wind chill with my nose in the air, but a bell to ring and a place to retreat to would be divine.

I ask you, in 2009, will you make as space for yourself to go when you’re having a “bell moment?”

What place helps you refocus? What does it look like? Where is it located? How long would you stay? What permission do you need to let yourself be refreshed there if only for a moment? What’s scary about taking a moment for just you?

If you want to brainstorm your bell ideas and get solid accountability to make a new habit in service of your healthy spirit, contact me at Julie@julzoflife.com.

We’ll make it happen.

Wash to the Toes

2009-01-13T09:50:00.002-06:00

I mentioned to a friend that today was "my day" to shower.

It's not like I'm truly limited on my bathtime... it just doesn't happen every day in the winter. For one, I air dry my hair, and let's face it, when it's 8 degrees and the windchill is 8 below, who wants a wet head?

Secondly, I have a million other more important things to do, right? Someone's yelling "mom!" or "honey!" and needs to know the location of a favorite sock or a library book.

Another friend described a mom shower as one that depends upon shampooing and a strong faith in gravity. By the time the lather reaches your toes, it's gotten it all, right? Get in, get out, get back on task.

Today I took a real shower. I washed, I exfoliated, I used that puffy scrubby thing, the pumice stone and even the pink star nail brush that I insist my kids use every shower. I washed to the toes, even pushing cuticles.

My feet feel wonderful (even while cloaked in wool socks). I smell good, fabulous even.

While I'm no Pig Pen, my self-care habits could sure use a bit of amping up this season. It's that whole airplane oxygen mask theory. You first, then secure the mask on others. That way, nobody collapses.

What have you treated yourself to lately? What would you include in your "cleanse" for 2009? What needs washing away? What fragrance do you choose for you life? Is it calming or envigorating?

Happy New Year, Treasure Hunters!

2009-01-09T15:10:00.002-06:00

I'm actively seeking new treasure in 2009.

What does that mean??

I'm looking for the shiny stuff of life amongsth the rubble. Let's face it, there was a lot of rubble in 2008. (Many blessings, to be sure, but a LOT of rubble.)

Last year this time I was just starting The Chest. One of my initial posts in 2008 was about naming the year. "Julz on Fire" was 2009. Whew, be careful what you wish for! There were parts of me on fire that were never meant to be, I tell ya.

I was laughing with some colleagues about what to name 2009. Given my "exciting" year, they suggested "The Year of the Cleanse," but we settled on "The Year of the Colonic." I have been using the term "de-crap" in several facets of my life and the lives of others (drawers, closets, the pantry, the fridge, my schedule, a contact list). Anyway, however crude, it seemed appropriate.

Gently cleanse (dare I say, "flush?") and freshen up all the areas of my life so they may begin anew.

(Doesn't sound so bad put that way, does it?)

What do YOU want for 2009?

(Oh... I want one more thing! I want some treasure hunters! I know you're out there. Say it loudly, say it proudly! Click the button on the upper right corner of the sidebar and become a follower of The Chest!)

Gifts From The Heart

2008-12-22T14:18:00.002-06:00

Last minute, I've come up with many gifts from the heart (some of them the best gifts of the whole lot. It's amazing what we come up with under pressure!)

A jar full of conversation starters - questions on tiny bits of paper.

Two aprons, one big and one little - can be made from towels and ribbon.

Framed photos of favorite memories - one hour photo is AWESOME!

Coupons for services - use your imagination

Coupons for time - coffee together, lunch outing, shopping day, play day, a day doing something you'd NEVER do ordinarily, but would delight the recipient

A list of attributes of the recipent - gather "what I love about _______" from friends and family and give it in a frame or small box of little papers.

Children's artwork made just for them.

What is the best gift of the heart you've ever given? Received?

Comment below and a gift will be forthcoming to you from my heart.

Family Gathering Ground Rules

2008-12-22T13:35:00.003-06:00

Family gathering ground rules: Adapted from Romans 12:9-18

I wrote this for a Thankgiving presentation to a group of mothers of pre-schoolers. It would apply to most family gatherings. Peace.

Be truthful to your heart. Love must be sincere.
Guests will not badmouth or beat on each other. Hate what is evil; Praise kids and adults alike for clearing the table and using their manners. cling to what is good. Keep your eyes off your spouse’s hot cousin. Be devoted to one another in love. Let your spouse have the last of the coveted apple pie. Honor one another above yourselves. Keep the laughter loud, but kind. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Don’t throw cold water on junior’s dream of designing the first rocket-powered skateboard. Be joyful in hope, Be patient with Aunt Edna’s ever-recited list of aches. patient in affliction, Say more than “Rub a dub dub, Thanks for the Grub, Yeah God.” faithful in prayer. Take a plate to the fellow across the street who worked all day and came home to an empty house. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Better yet, invite him over. Practice hospitality.

Give blessings to your relatives even as they criticize how you discipline your kids. Bless those who persecute you; Offer up your children to them for a weekend. bless and do not curse. Cheer loudly when your niece tinkles in the potty in the middle of dinner. Rejoice with those who rejoice; Cry with your sister whose husband’s in Iraq. mourn with those who mourn. You’re all a bit different, but try to get along. Live in harmony with one another. Remember that we all put our undies on one leg at a time, whether they’re Victoria’s Secret or Hanes Her Way. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Don’t feel the need to flash your thong. Do not think you are superior.

If your brother flings a pea from across the table, don’t return the favor with a spoonful of mashed potatoes. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Serve turkey, not quiche. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. Give all the children the same size dessert helping. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

ZFB* Update #2

2008-12-22T10:52:00.001-06:00

*(ZFB= zit for brains)

Earlier this month, I ventured to the Naturopath to see what wisdom she could impart regarding my health.

She took great care and more time than any of the doctors thus far. She was not at all dismissive of my symptoms and very thorough. Did some pretty unique tests on me (two kinds of body temp- oral and armpit, took blood pressure on all four limbs, read my retinas…) and I’m now minus a fingernail clipping and a sizeable lock of hair that will be tested for all kinds of biochemistry. Results on that come back after the holidays. Oh, and she made me stick my tongue out at her. I think that should be protocol for all appointments. Esp with accountants and lawyers…

She had so much information that I left with a head ready to explode from options. The body is one complex machine, I tell you. I know more about its function (and malfunction) than I ever cared to know.

Sometimes less is more. It’s like when I worked in the cellular phone industry. How do they work? FM… flippin magic. Okie doke. I’m good with that.

Stress is most certainly a factor in my symptoms. Some people say, “whew, that’s a relief!” I couldn’t disagree more. What I’ve come to realize is that stress compounds in the body over time (like most toxins). I always thought I was “handling” my stress quite well due to my high level of function through adversity. These physical symptoms have told me another story.

Somewhere along the line, at one of the times that I had enough stresses to break the camel’s back (so to speak), my body got depleted of the chemicals needed to rally through such a crisis. The next time it happened (and I’m not talking about stress like, “damn, they don’t have my flavor latte AGAIN!” I’m talking about divorce, abuse, estrangement, job loss, marriage, pregnancy, entrepreneurship, death, money issues, moving, pneumonia, audit, family discord… and sometimes several during one period of time) my body was even more depleted.

One thing all the doctors can agree upon is that my hormones are now out of balance. The endocrine system is way complex. It will be a while before we figure out the hormone that is at the crux of it all in order to right it.

I tried the medical “quick fix” of taking synthetic hormones and decided after two weeks that I loved my family too much to make them endure another day of “witch woman.”

So for now, I’m taking a supplement to keep my immunity up. I’m doing my best to ignore the “icicle” feeling on my head and doing what I can to stop and meditate on the moment.
I’m a testimony to what I tell my clients. Self care is important. If you ignore the needs of the self long enough, your body will rebel.

Slow down, be quiet enough to listen and take care.

The Kindness Game (NOT just for kids)

2008-12-22T08:46:00.002-06:00

I gave this as a gift to a girlfriend's family (of all girls, like mine), but this game can be the "Stellar Sibling Kindness Game" just as easily. I used cookie cutters and craft foam for the stars, stacked three different sizes of stars together with Elmer's and then attached the whole lot to a clothespin. Last, but not least, I put a magnet on the back of the clothespin. Oh, make sure each star has a unique marking so you can distinguish between them.

It’s the Stellar Sister Kindness Game!

We know how you like a little sisterly competition… so here’s a fun game you can play year round. We made you each a star magnet that will hold your “acts of kindness” on the fridge.

When you get caught doing something kind for your sister, she gets to rat you out by writing your kind deed on a 3”x 3” square of paper and tucking it in your star clip. The first sister who has enough “acts of kindness” to cause her star to plop off the fridge… WINS! When you find you need other rules or regulations, have Mom and Dad help you work them out together. You may also want to decide what you get for winning!

Get sneaky and creative with your kindness! Make a bed, set a special breakfast out on a busy day, pick up a room, do a chore that’s hers, paint a picture, give a back massage, carry her stuff, hold a door… you get the picture!

Have fun!

So I wonder what would happen if we all played ever day?
What do you think?

Love Generously - Acts of Kindness

2008-12-09T12:54:00.001-06:00

I never had an advent calendar as a kid. I decided to make one for the girls this year. I didn't really know what I was doing, so I made it up.

In November, I sat down with my eldest and explained that we’d be giving gifts from our hearts this year. “Doing” gifts and “being” gifts. If we gave stuff, it would have to be made from supplies we already have on hand. (And we’re pretty blessed with “stuff on hand,” to be sure.)

“Think of things that would warm someone’s heart.” She and I brainstormed a list of a couple dozen acts of kindness that would do just that. I made a tree out of craft foam and we made round ornaments out of construction paper and wrapping paper. I numbered them from 2 – 24 and then wrote an act of kindness on the back of each one.

Each day after breakfast they take turns taking off an ornament. After work/school, we do what it says. Last Friday, we rang the Salvation Army bell in front of WalMart for an hour in 8 degree weather. Yesterday, we wrote letters of thanks to recovering soldiers. Today, we’ll each choose 6 stuffed toys to give away. (Yes, me too. I still have virtually all of mine, but I’ve just hidden them amongst the girls’ toys.)

Over the weekend, we made my great aunt cry. (I know, that hardly seems kind.) The girls called her and sang Feliz Navidad. Then they followed up with an unexpected (and LOUD) Jingle Bells. My youngest told her all about our new “activity” scene “with the baby Jesus and EVERYTHING.” And my eldest told her that Santa can’t cancel Christmas no matter how bad it snows. You just can’t cancel a birthday.

My aunt’s heart was warmed over and over, so much so, her eyes had to leak. I’m so proud of them for taking this on with gusto.

They keep thinking of things that aren’t on the ornaments. We need a “leftover list” so we can keep up with the game on into January. Loving generously shouldn’t stop when the tree is empty. The star at the top (#1) should remind us to think of a new kindness every night… hmmm… I smell a new game!

Merry Christmas!

Yoda Quote for the Day - Fear

2008-11-25T09:55:00.003-06:00

We all need some Yoda, don't we?

Here you go...

Episode I

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.
-Yoda

In Episode III:

Yoda: The fear of loss is the pathway to the darkside. Attachment leads to jealousy, the shadow of greed that is.

Anakin: I won't let these dreams become real.

Yoda: Death is a natual part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not, miss them do not.

Anakin: What must I do, Master Yoda?

Yoda: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.

What are you hanging onto too tightly? A thing? A concept? A behavior?
What would it give you to release your grip? What does holding fast cost you?

ZFB* Update

2008-11-25T09:15:00.004-06:00

*(ZFB= zit for brains)

I've now run the gamut of ER, MD (GP), DC, Bad Neuro, Endo, Good Neuro and will make another stop at ND before the trip is over. All I need is a loaf of bread, a nice manchego cheese, and a bottle of Merlot and my meal of alphabet soup will be complete.

At the "Good Neuro's" office yesterday, I was told that the zit is not worthy of time nor concern. No need to take a second look unless I can't look up, down and sideways without moving my head to do so. No reason for the icicle drippy feeling, no reasons for the rest of my "not quite me" feelings.

He told me that the stress of an extrovert in isolation (as we mom-trepreneurs often endure), having a busy/noisy mind (that sometimes wanders into dark and ugly spaces without being checked with what's true), and feeling I must stay sedintary at my PC can cause a lot of stress. So part of his perscription was yoga, meditation and doing more drive-bys (doing for others reduces stress, did you know that?)

Throughout all of this, I'm reminded to be grateful. Grateful for friends who encourage me to know that I'm the master of domain (so to speak...) and only I know my body best. If this isn't "normal," I need to keep pressing on until I get to a root cause.

Patience, of course, is not one of my best skills. Given that irritability is one of my largest symptoms, I truly embody Bill Cosby's wife as he describes her in Fatherhood... stop it. Stop It! STOP IT!!! That's me at least once a day.

I did make a bit of a breakthrough yesterday. After using the glucose monitor, signs may be pointing in the direction of hypoglycemia, which in and of it self is not a diagnosis, but will help us go backwards to find the cause of the low blood sugar. Something is out of balance.

I'm all about balance. Could dance on the arm of a chair for hours in college and I've been dubbed "Limbo Queen" even though I have not defended my title in the last 5 or 6 years.

So it looks like I'm not as sweet as I used to be. I hear as one nears 40, a good deal of the overt "sweet" is filtered out. I'd like to keep the "sweet" that's on the inside, though... no matter what happens. We'll take this one step at a time.

I'll keep you posted as I keep literally and figuratively poking along.

Breaking My Own Rules – Mom-trepreneur’s in Time Out!

2008-11-21T14:55:00.001-06:00

“Not a catastrophe -- just another tricky day.”

This is an expression my dad uses a lot to answer life’s adversities. The “tricky day” perspective can keep us from swirling the drain, but sometimes, enough tricky days in a row can lead to a downright catastrophe-- or at least what seems like one.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve let some things slide. It began with my work schedule getting shuffled. Losing a few hours here and there for doctor’s appointments, for medical self-advocacy, sick children, extinguishing personal fires, taking a much needed respite, etc.

The time spent in the office was scattered as well. I was changing focus, shifting gears, letting “home business” seep into “office business.” Then I stopped using my desk system and somehow, eventually started making multiple lists with duplicate items. This is an organized coach’s nightmare.

I had a revelation this morning. I went to my desk, which was embarrassingly covered in paper crap. As I sorted, I found 6 lists in varying degrees of completion, school announcements, the PTA notes, medical bills to fight and an overdue water bill (only technically 8 hrs overdue, but still.) So I ventured to the checkbook, and finding it void of checks, proceeded to the box of fresh books of checks to find that empty as well and then declared, “TIME OUT!”

While my single goal for the day was to get a long overdue Gem to my readers by day’s end, I had to stop the insanity. One habit broken had led to a domino effect of chaotic slide.

I’m sharing this with all of you so that you can be assured that routines and habits work. And, knowing that that do, we can find comfort in getting back into them when all hell’s broken loose at home and work.

I recovered my desk in 35 minutes. I looked a fast-forwarded movie, but I now have checks on the way, papers recycled/filed, two functional (*see below) lists – work and personal, a clean desktop and a paid water bill.

*I took all my lists, circled the unfinished items that mattered and wrote each item on a new list (done on an 8.5 x 3” scrap of recycled paper, you know the backs of all that wasted paper from school notes, I fold it in half twice for notes and grocery lists). Then I brain-dumped the rest of what’s keeping me scattered.

Follow up with new contacts, vacuum floors, wash the sinks, make Christmas giving list, search for gift items online, call church regarding coat donation location, finalize Thanksgiving menu, fight with insurance company. With my handy dandy scissors, I cut each item off the list. Now I could categorize. Today, I went simply, business, and personal. I could break it down all kinds of ways, really. Household, business, kids, night projects, personal care, time it takes to complete – it depends on the day.

Then I found some trusty rubber cement. (Instead of scraps of paper, you can use tiny sticky notes, whatever works.) I made a strip of that smelly stuff down the middle of a new scrap. I then spread all the scraps on my very clean desk and sorted them by personal and business, then prioritized, affixing the most important item to the top of each list and continuing down. Once an item is finished, I can rip it off and toss it. I can reorder and add if need be.

Lovely. I feel so much better after my time out (even if I am still dreading my fight with the insurance company!)

What habits need resurrecting in your house?

If you need a quick habit rescue, call me. The first person to call before December 1 gets a free ½ hour of coaching.

Love Generously - Drive-by Style

2008-11-10T13:09:00.002-06:00

I've been doing a few drive-bys lately. Not the violent kind. The kindness kind.

I was recently the receiver of a few drive-bys as well. A drive-by shoe-ing (my daughter received a coveted pair of "farmin shoes" from over the stateline) and a drive-by gift certificate-ing.

I've made loads of applesauce (from very tasty FREE apples from an unsprayed tree, truly Heaven-sent) and acquired a load of squash recently (a literal trunk-load to be precise). So I've been sharing here and there as well.

My folks did a drive-by pie-ing last week to retaliate for the drive-by farm-shoe-ing. I couldn't participate in that one. (Bummer!)

I've been rightfully charged with drive-by huggings and kissings as well.

I'm planning a drive-by to a long lost friend soon. It will be very unexpected and perhaps unrecognized. That's not the point. I will have giggles in my heart, hoping that my friend will remember the joy and let go of the rest.

Do you have someone who needs a drive-by?
Who'd like to play the game with me? Rack up some drive-by points? Leave stuff on unsuspecting people's porches and doorsteps? C'mon, it's fun.

Tell on yourself in the comment section.

Who's in? Most points wins a fun prize... don't be lame!

Love Generously - Surplus in Scarcity

2008-11-07T14:17:00.003-06:00

I’m still exploring this one. It’s been a long explore. The word “generous” keeps stumping me. Maybe it’s our current environment. Maybe it’s that I’m digging too deeply into the concept (i.e. if one has an abundance of something and gives extra away, is it as generous as one who has just a little and shares anyway?)

So I switched gears and began exploring love instead. Love languages to be precise. I’ve confirmed my own and have been trying to be more conscious of knowing and respecting the languages of those around me.

Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages outlines these:
• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

So, what I’ve been thinking is that to truly love generously, one has to be willing to know what the receiver would most like AND be willing to provide that even when it’s not something one’s good at, or enjoys doing, It also may mean giving a resource you aren’t certain you possess, like extra time.

My 6 year old absolutely loves making looper pot holders and plastic cross-stitch doohickies. That stuff drives me batty. Sometimes loving her generously means being sure that it’s in the bag that goes with her to Grandma’s house, or making sure that her very patient dad is around to help her before she embarks on a new project. Other times, it’s stopping whatever I’m doing and sitting “pretzel leg” on the floor to help her through the beginning or end of whatever poorly written directions she’s trying to follow.

Later, she tells me it was the very best part of her day. Those measly 15 minutes. And I think to myself, “how stingy can I BE?” Yes, I’m a busy lady. Yes, I often feel a shortage of time and other resources, but the little girl’s language is quality time. A smidge of my day spent right in her face.

Can do.

Will do more often.

How about you? What is it that you could give? What “foreign language” are you willing to learn?

p.s. My daughter loves me generously right back by understanding when I say “no” to her craft and then asking if she can help me make dinner.

Save some dough, do it from scratch!

2008-10-21T10:00:00.004-05:00

I met Connie a few weeks ago in Lake Geneva. This lady has the goods on making things from scratch. Her book is written like she's standing in your kitchen helping you along the way. She's a busy woman (author, actress, speaker, trainer, AND gourmet chef), so don't think you can't do make your own from scratch just because you're working!

In June, she was highlighted in the Chicago Sun Times. "If you can't stand the expense, get back in the kitchen!" GREAT tips for stretching your bucks in the kitchen! Here are just a few:

Learn, re-learn or resume cooking from scratch while foregoing more expensive convenience foods and dining out.

Change drinking habits: Switch from bottled water and/or soda pop to tap water and brew your own coffee and tea, foregoing stops at specialty coffee/tea shops.

"Plan, plan, plan."

Cut up your own carrot and celery sticks rather than buying pre-cut carrots and celery; chop your own onions rather than buying frozen chopped onions; chop your own garlic; grate your own cheese.

Toast day-old bread for breadcrumbs.

Make your own granola and pizza.

And one of my favorites... make your own birthday cake rather than spending a ton at the bakery.

To see the whole article, drop me a line and I'll pass it along.

Click here for more about Connie and her new book, Scratch That: Seasonal Menus and Perfect Pairings.

For all you heroes out there...

2008-10-21T08:35:00.006-05:00

"Your life is not little, and your playing small doesn't serve the world. Your living large, on the other hand -- your being your true self despite fear, fatigue, doubt, and opposition -- will serve the world more than you can imagine. In fact, it may help save it. And saving the world, after all, is what all heroes (including you) are here to do."

Martha Beck, in O Magazine

Where could you be bigger in your life?

Love Generously - Zit for Brains

2008-10-20T11:01:00.004-05:00

So I’ve been wracking my brain (which is under the weather anyway) to understand the concept of loving generously. What does it mean to me?

Is it about gifts? What kind of gifts? Gifts of the heart? Things we do for one another? Is it about “things” at all? What is generosity anyhow? It is freely giving what you have and while still remaining comfortable? Or is it about sacrifice and giving even if it means a temporary state of lack?

Pretty ponderous.

I’ve been quiet on The Chest because I couldn’t think of anything outrageously thoughtful or uplifting to bring to you. Not very real of me, I’m afraid. I’d be the first person to tell a friend that we love each other for our reality. We love the guts – good, bad and ugly. That’s what it is to love generously. You love even when you’re not sure how, even when you’re unsure if you can. Even when it’s scary.

So I have something to get “on my chest” in this case. (I’ve been “off” The Chest for too long!) Here’s what up.

You know how you feel the day after a baby (or neighbor, or work) has kept you up all night? Function is difficult, temper is short, thoughts don’t connect, memory fails, your inner monologue fails and you find yourself saying things that would otherwise be filtered. You know in your heart that going back to bed would be the best bet, but you can’t do that because you have a home and business to run. This is what the last month has felt like for me.

I gave my husband permission to call me “zit for brains.” I have an 8mm cyst on my brain (pineal gland to be precise) and we’re trying to remain humorous about it until we know what happens next. The pineal gland controls melatonin, so among other things, I get tired quickly. I’ve been under care for a while trying to diagnose what’s going on and this was found somewhat by accident. My chiropractor believes I may have adrenal fatigue syndrome which could account for the many symptoms I’ve had in the recent past. The cyst may or may not be a part of that.

Surgery is possible, but not eminent at this point. (If you put your finger in the middle of your forehead and go in about an inch or two, that’s where the pineal gland is. They’d go in through the nose (or “snort holes” as my daughter calls them…) so at least there would be no cracking of the melon.) We should know more next month after a visit to an endocrinologist and a neurologist.

For now, we wait. (And dream up ways to find it funny.)

Part of my silence about this has been about fear. What will my clients and others think about a coach with a zit on her brain? Will they trust me? So, to be sure, I have the following very much under control:
• Honesty (my inner monologue is pretty gone!)
• An intense focus on what matters
• A desire to keep things moving forward

Loving generously is, among other things, being real, being honest, sharing one's whole self. Perhaps the zit is a gift. Here, here’s permission to uncork your inner monologue and just say what’s really going on in there.

What’s going on in your head? How do you love generously?

My Own Personal Energy Crisis

2008-10-06T08:35:00.001-05:00

I’m an energy girl.

When I was a kid, my folks had window shades that blocked out most of the morning, but any tiny ray of light that squeaked around the shade made it right into my eyes. They’d fling open and I’d have my feet on the floor in a nanosecond, ready to begin a new day.

Since this was typically NOT the time the rest of the household was moving, it was not looked at as “a gift.” As I got older, though, being a morning person had its merits.

Recently, I’ve been experiencing some health challenges which have made getting out of bed, and waking in general, a huge challenge. Cheerful is somewhat off the table until a cup of coffee is in the mama.

This shift is tough to take, for me as well as for those who must endure me prior to 8am. I’ve tried to run during the bewitching moments so that no one else suffers. Hard to hoist the kiester.

Gas prices what they are, perhaps I'm just following the trend.

Anyone have some great ideas for this energy girl to solve her current personal energy crisis?

How do you wake ready to start the day? What's your current mantra?

Living Simply or Simply Living?

2008-09-12T16:48:00.002-05:00

On the suggestion of another coach, I read some of Tony Robbins work. Awaken the Giant Within.

What struck me the most was his stress on the importance of making decisions. Often, I watch clients say they’ve “decided” something, but then there is no action to back it up. Tony reminded me that a decision is so much more than we toss around.

“I’d like to spend more time face to face with my kids.”
“I’d like to get a solid product line for which I’m well known.”
“I’d like to decrease my overhead.”

These are more like wishes than decisions. Tony states, “the word “decision” comes from the Latin roots de, which means “from,” and caedere, which means “to cut.” Making a true decision means committing to achieving a result, and then cutting yourself off from any other possibility.” (p.39)

When times get ugly, it becomes easier (but certainly not always more productive) to just roll with the punches and become reactive… simply living. When people ask how you’re doing, you say, “I’m doing” with no particular passion.

Grab hold and get back to what matters most to you. Then cut the rope and paddle!

Make a decision based on your core values.
Put action to the decision immediately.
Be flexible in the execution of the decision.

Don’t abandon what you’re after if the first rout you take proves unsuccessful.

To explore your core values or examine the choices you face, drop me a line. I’ll help reel you in!

Live Simply – Consuming

2008-09-09T11:48:00.000-05:00

I’m feeling particularly “bloggy” today. Perhaps it’s the chill in the air. Maybe it’s just that there’s so much to be said for living simply. I strive for it, even if I often fail.

I was reminded of Steve Martin in “The Jerk” the other day. He’s naked and leaving his exorbitant house after losing everything in a terrible lawsuit. As he leaves, he takes a pen or something trivial and says, “and that’s all I need. Just this pen.” As he moves towards the door, he keeps accumulating things he “needs.” “And this ashtray, and this dog, and this…” Mind you, he’s naked. None of the things he’s taking with him are clothes!

I often pack for a trip like The Jerk. And then I laugh at myself. That’s not half as bad as using his method while shopping at the grocery store or at Wal-Mart or Target. I’m trying to train the kids away from the The Jerk shopping method.

The Jerk antidote? A list. (And a bit of will power.)

What’s simple consuming for you?

Live Simply - Simple Scheduling

2008-09-09T11:16:00.002-05:00

When my volume increases, my heart pounds and my shoulders get closer to my ears than to my armpits, I know it’s time to cut back on activities.

My idea of living simply in this season for my family is to allow one regularly scheduled recurring event per person (work and school don’t count). So, the kids can have one lesson or club at a time, and we parents get a recurring extra-curricular to do by ourselves as well.

As the kids get older, I realize the expectations will probably change. Right now, our value is on training them to be good people at home and easing them into the world of influence. Believe me, they come home with enough “influence” already. “Where on earth did you hear/see THAT?!”

We do simple activities. Having people to dinner teaches hospitality. Being a guest at someone else’s home teaches them to be grateful and flexible and accepting of differences. We help at our parents’ farms, learning that everyone can contribute. Planting and harvest times are especially fun. And we have times to just be still.

What are your values for your family’s schedule? Is it living simply or something else? I’d love your thoughts.

Live Simply - Motetes

2008-09-05T13:56:00.004-05:00

I mentioned last week that a lot of my writing is about my new mantra. “Live Simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.”

When I ponder “living simply,” a few things come up for me. First, THINGS come up. You know… stuff, crap, the junk in my closets, littering the yard, in bins. The treasures we keep that end up keeping us.

I was given a large LLBean boat bag when each my girls were born. The monogram was the same on each. Motetes. In Puerto Rico, where my mom is from, this is a slang word for all the necessary things one must have with her for security and comfort. You know, like a blankie and a teddy, maybe a toothbrush if dental hygiene is your thing.

It was a joke of sorts since my mom knew that any time we came for the day, I’d have more than a full Motetes bag of stuff with me. Babies don’t travel light! As we’ve grown past diapers and sippies and the rest, it’s refreshing to have the occasional single Motetes bag trip.

As I look at the rest of my stuffness, I realize that it’s just that, stuff. In the end, I can’t take it with me, no matter how many Motetes bags I own. Although I can’t bring myself to give it ALL up (like a monk), I have set some boundaries for myself. Here are just a few examples:

A sedan should do it. No van, no SUV, and absolutely NO station wagon.

I’ve hit “bin saturation” in my attic. No more bins. If I need to store something, it has to fit in the bins I have. No bins empty? Too bad, either chuck something or get rid of the latest “treasure.”

Digital photos take up far less space than kid artwork. We’ll be having artwork ceremonies… choosing the favs and photographing them with the artist.

One mailed magazine subscription a year. The rest of the info I can get online if I really need it.

Let’s face it, what do I really, truly need? Who is it I’m working for anyway? If I curled up either of my girls in a ball (even the 6 ½ year old!), ten to one… they’d fit in the bag.

More thoughts on living simply coming up soon.

What are your simple boundaries?

Dance in the Rain

2008-09-05T12:17:00.004-05:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it’s about learning how to dance in the rain." Unknown

I love that one!

For the past two days, we've experienced a 30+ degree drop in temp and it's poured and poured. We've needed rain badly. After the first day and a half, we'd had about enough to saturate and then some. The previously cracking ground is now muddy and squishy and the Robins are loving it.

Last week my family soaked up a bit too much sun while trying to squeeze in every last drop of summer swimming and outdoor rec. The rain forced us to spend time indoors and rediscover all the wintertime activities we'd left in the attic last spring. For me it was quite welcomed. I'm sorting and purging baby clothes up there.

I have a client who's experienced a different kind of storm. It's raining orders for her business. They're coming from all over! While this is a wonderful situation, it's also overwhelming for her. With school and all it's activities starting, she feels like she's dashing around with buckets to catch the downpour! We brainstormed creative ways to make time and produce more products quickly. During the call, we moved from the perspective of "If only this were different... then it would all be better" to "Be present and focused with the blessings at hand and trust that the rest will follow."

Dance in the rain.

How can you dance in the rain of your current situation?

5 Rules

2008-08-27T14:48:00.006-05:00

There are so many rules these days, aren't there? I try to give my kids simple directions as I drop them at school/care or to someone's house for a visit. These days, I could use a few simpler rules for myself. I've finally found my new mantra on the tail end of a few email forwards. (Wisdom comes in so many forms, no?)

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

On another email it had the same footer... but with this as a fifth:

Leave the rest to God.

I felt as if it had read the mind of my inner cynic who asked, "so after the first four rules don't cut the mustard, well THEN what??" My shoulders lowered with the comfort of knowing there was an answer for the gremlin in my head. It mirrored the beautiful postcard on my wall that says:

"When the day is over and you have done your best,
wait the results in peace."

I've defined the first 4 rules for my own life over and over... waiting results in peace and putting trust in something other than myself is a little foreign still (that entrepreneurial nature...), but I'm working on it.

Where in your life do you need to trust?

Hands Off

2008-08-25T13:53:00.003-05:00

I read a newsletter article this morning called, “Are We Too Child-Centered?” from Raelee Pierce, The Noble Mother. It's about being way "hand-on" and rigorously scheduled and always down playing with the kids. I truly needed to hear what she had to say. I’m so glad I gifted myself the moment to read it. (To see the whole article, go to here )

I’m a 1970 girl. Nearly everything she wrote resonated with me. I’ve been striving for giving my girls some of the independence we had as kids and have felt guilty about it. I feel like my hands have not been very “on” my kids and that it’s somehow wrong. I’m quite preoccupied with how this summer has somehow left my house disheveled. I’m very distracted when I try to stick to a hands-on kids’ project.

What I’ve noticed is that my children are developing work ethic. They are developing creative play that mirrors my industriousness… and there is no shame in that. They are taking value in contributing to the household so that we have a tidy home AND a Mommy who has time to play as well.

When my eldest was really little, she knew that if she brought me a board book, I’d stop whatever I was doing, sit directly on the floor with her in my lap and read the book. (Honestly, how long does it take to read a board book?!) Interestingly, she wouldn’t take advantage. She’d get her fix and then occupy herself for quite some time thereafter.

I remember asking my mom to play (I was/am very social) and often she encouraged me to play solo or was too busy with household happenings or simply wasn’t inclined to play what I was playing. That was something I wanted to change in my own mothering, but I’m wondering now if I might strike a better balance. Some of my best days are those when I take short spurts of spontaneous play with the kids… following the moment and jumping in, as if summoned by some divine cue.

It’s lovely. I’d like more of that, so it’s “on the agenda” (so to speak!) :)

How hands-on are you? What would it be like to simply watch what they do when left to their own devices?

Honking Semis and Other Fine Connections

2008-08-22T09:38:00.004-05:00

The other day I heard a semi truck briefly blow it's startling air horn going through town. When I looked, I noticed it was strictly for the amusement of 3 kids on bicycles doing pulling their fists down repeatedly, egging him on. I thought, "how cool of him to oblige," knowing full well that a few of the elderly folks may have had slight accidents of one kind or another after hearing the blast.

A couple days ago, we saw Elmo in a yellow convertible (yes, the real Elmo, not a guy in suit, like my 6 year old supposed...). He saw the children and he waved wildly. (A little trivia, Delavan, WI is the circus capital of the world, and even though the circus hasn't blessed these parts in years, apparently the people of the town have yet to be informed.)

A game we used to play in the car was counting how many people you could get to smile or wave at you while driving on the highway. It wasn't the count that mattered so much. It was the connection.

Action warrants reaction. We expect it. We thrive on it. It's energizing. And when we both notice at the same time... connection. If even for just a moment.

As I've grown, I like to play the connection game still. I count smiles. The grocery store is a fun place to try it. Even better is the DMV. People are typically stressed. A smile says, "I get it. Don't worry, you're okay."

In my business, I've had fun with the connection game. It's amped up a bit. We pass good energy and enthusiasm. We connect the resourceful people we know with other resourceful people we know, in hopes to lift everyone a bit and boost their success. These days, it's not just fun, it's vital, especially for entrepreneurs. We need to connect and move forward supporting one another. We can't do or know or be it all on our own. We have to have our "peeps."

What resources are you keeping to yourself? Your smile? Your wave? Your energetic and efficient accountant? Who could you connect?

The Treasure of Seeing

2008-08-13T22:07:00.000-05:00

I was pondering how many times lately I’ve used the word “Look!” in the car lately in an attempt to decrease the incidence of “Are we there yet?”

I’m a child of Saturday morning cartoons and after school re-runs of Happy Days and Lavern and Shirley, but I have to say I’m not a real fan of having the TV on for more than an hour or two during any given day. I’m also not a big fan of the on board DVD players.

But to be honest, a borrowed unit did save my sanity when I traveled 6+ hours alone with my kids. But I didn’t feel good about it.

Lately, the kids and I have been playing the Corn and Beans Game. About 4 hours into my solo trip with them, I needed a pastime that would keep them from looking at one another. (Bill Cosby could not have been more right about sibling rivalry.) And so, the Corn and Beans Game was born.

“What do you see out your window? Corn or Beans?” In late June, it was difficult to tell. And when neither was present, we sometimes learned a new crop. “Wheat! Evergreens! Dead grass! Cows!” Every time the scenery changed, they’d get to shout what they had.

Increasing their awareness of what’s around them has led to some pretty interesting discoveries. “There’s a crashing plane that’s smoking!” We learned about crop dusters that day. Or the day my 3 year old saw the sun setting behind a cloud, perfectly displaying rays of light on every side, she burst with excitement from the backseat, “Look!!! Look, it’s God! Do you see it? Can you? It’s GOD!”

And because of her, we all could.

What have your children helped you see? What are you still missing?

The Gift/Curse of Conscious Choice

2008-08-13T13:35:00.003-05:00

My coach sent me the email forward, “Carrot, Egg and Coffee Beans.” You may have read it. If not, I posted it below for your reading pleasure, as it’s a good one. Mary Sullivan is the author.

It’s about how we consciously choose to let adversity affect us.

As working parents, we’re faced with adversity on a daily basis. Someone’s hurt or someone’s sick, yet you have to get to work. Someone needs to be taken to this practice but the car is in the shop. You have an important meeting, yet you’ve had 4 hours of sleep and can’t find your skirt. The kids need school clothes and supplies yet your big client asked for a two month extension on his invoice…

We are left to consciously choose how to handle the situation as well as how we will let it affect us. The gift is that we get a choice. We have free will. As long as we’re willing to accept the consequences of our choices, we can (as our kids accuse us “grown ups” of) “do anything we want!”

The curse is that we have to make a choice. Often the choice with the best consequence isn’t the easiest one to choose. We have to disappoint in the moment in order to create a better big picture in the future. We have to covet our work hours to build a better business. We have to discipline the kids when it would take less energy to just let it go. And sometimes, we have to put our life's passions on the back burner to get food on the table.

These are tough times. You might be stressed to a boiling point. But if we can all brew the coffee while the water's hot and see the blessing in that scalding kettle, your smile comes back as you sip.

What choice will lift you up? Choose it.

Carrot, Egg and Coffee beans

2008-08-08T09:38:00.003-05:00

A quick internet search taught me that this is not (contrary to popular belief) an anonymously written piece, although it's traveled through cyberspace as one. Mary Sullivan is the author. Enjoy. (And thanks, Mary!)

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, ha rd, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Riding the Current Wave

2008-07-24T09:25:00.002-05:00

I asked several friends recently how they coped with loved ones dying from cancer. I was curious as I feel at a loss for how to support the unfortunately large number of friends and family who have recently been touched by this wretched disease.

One described switching into an almost auxiliary mode of adrenaline; swallowing each new step as it comes in, doing what you can with what you've got in the moment.

"Today, we're hearing the news from the oncologist. Now, we're understanding what chemo really means. Now, we're waiting to see what it did. Today, we're hearing the next news. Now we're getting affairs in order and talking openly about death. Now, we're doing death. Today we're doing funeral..." No matter what, she still had to wake with her daughter, feed her and head to work. The world didn't stop for her situation.

Another said that somewhere in the mix there are bouts of mourning, but it took weeks, maybe even months after she was gone to realize what really happened. Events like the first major holiday without her or a task like baking Christmas cookies would spur breakdowns.

What I gathered from their descriptions is to let my loved ones be right where they are on the wave. They might be in a state of shock, sadness, relief or anger or all of those at once. The other bit I learned is that "shoulding" on someone who's mourning is also pretty counterproductive to their process.

I've been watching a loved one get "should" on by very well-intentioned fellow mourners after the recent loss of her husband. "You should run away with us for the weekend... get right back to work... take a long vacation..." I simply can't imagine what she's going through, so how would I know what she "should" or "needs to" do?

I asked a well-respected grief counselor what to do. Be available. "Let her know you're there to help her in any way you can."

After the funeral, a group of us went out on the lake and hung out, anchored at their favorite beach. Even in the shallow water, the chop from the busy lake made it hard to stand at times, so we tried kneeling. It was cooler, but not much easier. The steadiest I felt was when I took my feet off the ground, immersed myself and floated, riding the waves.

Where would you like to ride the waves in your life? What's keeping you from lifting your feet?

Good Grief! Sometimes There Just Isn't Enough Lasagna

2008-07-09T13:42:00.004-05:00

So when someone is down and out and needs some support, they typically get a meal from me. An easy one to double is lasagna.

Between family illnesses, surgeries and new babies, May and June were filled with "lasagnas" of one kind or another. Some were given, some received (remember, I yelled "Uncle!")

At a recent GAL-thering (congregation of women), a friend looked at me and said, "Man, you've got a LOT going on!" It took me a moment and then I skewed a Forrest Gump quote.

"Sometimes, there just isn't enough lasagna."

My youngest was pleased as punch to have an over abundance of her favorite dish which she refers to as "wizzonya." Perhaps that's what I could call Summer 08... The Summer of Wizzonya. All inferences welcome...

The funny thing about it is that I hadn't really put myself in the category of having that much piled on me. I can see way more piled on my loved ones. My eldest daughter had a similar situation this week. She was stung on the forehead by a deer fly and her whole face puffed to high bits. She looked like a Star Trek Klingon or Botox gone bad, but she couldn't see it or feel it. When I kept looking at her pitifully, asking if she was okay, she finally told me to knock it off. "I'm fine, Mom!"

It's hard to know that place of when concern turns to pity and when helping may imply you see helplessness. I suppose that's when intuition kicks in to let you know whether "I'm okay" really means "I'm okay" or not.

"When in doubt, go help out" is what I try to live by, even if I have to take my wizzonya and go home.

Talk to me. What do you think?

Winning In Increments

2008-07-09T13:06:00.001-05:00

I read an article at Sparkpeople.com that talked about setting realistic goals in increments. The article was about weight loss. They gave the example that a woman weighing, say, 170 lbs, will aim to lose 40 lbs. That’s almost 24% of her weight.

When she loses 10 or 15 lbs, she feels like she’s failed, so she stops trying. They suggest aiming to lose 10% of whatever you weigh and giving yourself a reasonable amount of time to accomplish it. Once you have the first step done, aim for the next 10%. The energy you get from the win keeps you moving.

I’ve heard clients say that they won’t start something they can’t win. Wow. Depending on the definition you hold for “winning,” you could miss out on a whole lot.

An Indian colleague of mine, Mr. Hundekari, once told me, “you cannot eat an elephant in one bite.” It’s the same thing as the 10% rule, yet I can’t always assimilate analogies across subjects.

When it comes to goals involving numbers, the 10% rule helps me keep goals in bite sized pieces. In our super-sized world, we inadvertently think in big chunks and leaps and “pantry packs.” It takes conscious choice to be reasonable with, let alone gentle on ourselves.

So what kind of Sam’s Club goal have you dumped on yourself this month? Are you doubling your sales? Revamping your entire marketing strategy? Are you teaching your 2 year old to read AND use the toilet? What goal could you dive after knowing you can win?

A Dandelion at the Finish Line

2008-07-09T09:48:00.003-05:00

I ran a 5K on the 4th of July.

I didn't break any records. In fact, in the home stretch, there was a 25 MPH speed limit sign that made my already cottoned mouth laugh to the point of nearly gagging. I composed myself straight away as my goal was to finish the race without dying or throwing up.

Having just recovered from pneumonia in early June and having scattered bits of travel and events throughout our June schedule, training was not in the forefront of my mind. Running certainly helped the stress during the week of my mom's surgery (and how hilarious to be watched by their 8 horses as I trekked up and down their winding driveway!) Despite the empowerment gained after a run, 10,000 excuses kept me from making it routine last month. Exhaustion and inconvenience were the top two.

After the first mile of the race, two teenagers passed me. I knew their ages by the "Class of" printed on their backs. There was no breeze, we were running on a gravel track through a wooded area and, for a second, I muttered under my breath. They haven't had pneumonia. They haven't had two kids. They probably slept more than 12 hrs in the last week.

It was kind of evil. I literally shook my head to knock the crap thought out. Breathing was getting really hard. So I started to pray. God, just get me to the finish line with minimal walking. I'd like not to be last, but finishing without puking is fine, too.

Then I heard Dorrie from Finding Nemo. "Just keep running. Just keep running, running, running." Logic and empathy kicked in.

How am I to know what these fine teens are up to anyway? They're here at 9am on a holiday, aren't they? Who knows what stresses befall them in this moment? Teen stresses are often much worse than puking or dying.

Then the miraculous happened. They started to walk. I passed them! I kept running and the breeze picked up for a moment. Finishing the race before two teens, I really began wondering if I had a megaphone on my inner monologue. (Scary thought.)

After the race, my 6 year old handed me a dandelion and a dead leaf. "Here you go, Mom. This is to make you feel better since you didn't win."

"Oh honey, but I did win. I just didn't come in first. Sometimes just finishing is winning." She was less than convinced.

No matter what, running has an empowering effect on me. Except, of course, when I don't do it. Then, by my own definition, I lose.

How do you define a win? What are you losing by simply not trying?

Let's EAT! (Teleclass coming soon!)

2008-06-25T11:19:00.002-05:00

Thursday, July 10

8:00 - 9:00pm CST

Free Teleclass

Let's EAT!

When I've polled momtrepreneurs about the worst time of day, I consistently hear that dinnertime is a large challenge. What's to eat? When will it be ready? And, can't it just fall from the sky to my table?

Join us for a discussion of options that will help remove the witch from the bewitching hours of dinnertime.

Included in the course materials and discussion:

Understanding what you value about dinnertime
Meal-planning steps
The multiple degrees of having dinner "made" by noon.
Resources for freezer-meal options
Your crock pot, your friend
Resources for simple, online recipes
Dinnertime rules for a calm table

If you'd like to participate, please email me at julie@julzoflife.com

Calm, Personal Responsibility (and Elastigirl wisdom)

2008-06-25T10:09:00.007-05:00

I'm a fan of Wayne Dyer. He teaches a lot of life wisdom that spans all religions (providing one is open to hearing it). In one of his books focused on Chinese philosophy, Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, he wrote the following:

Living Calmly
In this chapter of the Tao Te Ching, you're being advised to maintain a sense of serenity regardless of what you may see taking place around you. Moreover, you're being told that the true master knows that the ability to stay calm is always located within. From this perspective, there's no need to assign responsibility to others for how you feel. Even though you may live in a world where blame and faultfinding are endemic, you will own your feelings and actions. You will know that circumstances don't determine your state of mind, for that power rests with you. When you maintain a peaceful inner posture, even in the midst of chaos, you change your life.

The wisdom of this verse of the Tao Te Ching prompts you to know that you have a choice. Do you want to be in a state of confusion or to have a tranquil inner landscape? It's up to you! Armed with this insight, the Tao master doesn't allow an
external event to be a disturbance. Lao-tzu tells you that assigning blame for your lack of calmness will never bring you to the state of being that you're striving to attain. Self-mastery only blossoms when you practice being aware of, and responsible for, what you're feeling.

I speak a lot about replacing chaos with joy. The truth of the matter is that chaos will inevitably exist. One may joyfully, or simply, more calmly, weather the chaos. Sometimes I'm successful at controlling the chaos of my home or work (like routinely feeding the kids so they don't get crazy or keeping a prioritized list of deadlines in a work calendar). But other times, it's completely out of my hands (someone gets sick, the bridge is out, or my Internet or phone is on the fritz).

Understanding and accepting the concept of personal responsibility is key to enjoying myself. I own my reactions and subsequent choices. Blaming others or situations is futile. Trying to change that which is out of my control is pointless as well.

The same story is evident in the Bible. Jesus calms the storm, but as we study, we ask, "was it the storm outside or the one within that was calmed?" And in the midst of situations, it's helped to ask that of myself. Which is the calm-able storm?

Even closer to where I am today, I think of the movie, The Incredibles. As the villain, Syndrome, is flying away with their baby, the mom superhero is yelling at her husband superhero, "BOB! DO something!!!" He responds, "I can't throw anything, honey! I'll hit the baby!" Now for the personal responsibility part. She then says, "Throw me. Bob, THROW ME!!!"

I'm not made of elastic like our superhero mom (who, incidentally, caught the baby and floated to safety by making her body into a parachute), but I'd like to think I could work on being more creative (and flexible!) and personally responsible for my solutions.

How about you?

The Blame Flame

2008-06-23T12:12:00.004-05:00

Last week my mom had surgery. She's fine, but the surgery was unsuccessful. As my dad and I waited for a day until her discharge from the hospital, we rode a coaster of anger, disappointment and yes, blame.

The doctors did what they were supposed to do. The surgeons suspected something going wrong during the procedure, weighed the risks and stopped, erring on the side of caution. This means we'll have to try again in 2 months to fix the problem. It means that the surgery was a big, expensive pain and physical and emotional inconvenience. It means that we have to wait even longer for her to feel well.

He and I discussed possibilities of other doctors, other options, what-ifs, whys and scenarios ending in "heads will roll." After running through a flaming battery of murky-watered woulda coulda shoudas, we settled into a place that was much more calm, crisp and clear.

On the way to go get Mom, Dad said, "I've been thinking about surrender." He went on. "Not the giving up kind. I mean the there isn't always an answer kind."

"You mean the letting go kind, right?" That was it. It's pretty freeing.

In a Michael J. Fox interview I read some time ago, he spoke of blame as going inward. I pictured it like heartburn. He then asked the interviewer, "Is it worth the effort to put the attention on blame?"

We came to a new place. "It is what it is and we move on from here." Without all the blame burning us up, we can focus our energies on Mom and ideas for moving forward, rather than a futile "who dun it."

What do you choose to let go of? What's available to you once you surrender?

Permission to Yell, "UNCLE!!!"

2008-06-06T14:14:00.002-05:00

Wikipedia defines yelling "uncle" as "a cry of surrender."

That cold I wrote about last time… headed way into my lungs. I called a friend when I was still quite baritone-voiced, pretending to be fine. I was clinging to the notion that if I didn’t acknowledge that it hadn’t gone away, then I would just be well.

I’m all for the power of positive thinking, but I should know by now when to throw in the towel. When the doctor suspects pneumonia along with an ear infection and some bronchitis, it’s time.

My friend gave me permission to cancel 4 days of my life. My shoulders lowered and my body surrendered.

Ah... permission... Permission to stay home, permission to stay in bed. Permission to disappoint others for the sake of my health. Permission to be tired and acknowledge the fatigue. Permission to not jump up as soon as I felt a smidge better. ("That's the antibiotic talking!!! Go lay down.") It was quite a gift.

She also ratted me out to the angel moms in our circle and I became the lucky recipient of a meal at my doorstep for 3 consecutive evenings and a multitude of prayers, well-wishes and calls to see if I needed something. It made all the difference in my recovery.

In what part of your life is it time to yell, “UNCLE?”

Share it with us! Comment below!

Stormy Gratitude

2008-06-06T13:17:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here with my teeth in my mouth, watching the weather change by the minute. Large gusts mixed with sunny calm keep passing through. Like most of the midwest, we're under a tornado watch until the next snow.

I hear this "crack, scrape, boom..." after the latest gust and figure it's my planters jumping into the lap of our quaint porch swing. Walking outside, I find that my neighbor's maple has lost a gargantia limb and dropped it on the hood of their truck and across the width of our street.

I'm very thankful not to have been running, driving or otherwise on the street. No one was hurt. I'm quite thankful that it wasn't a more southern limb that would've hit one (or both) of our houses. I like skylights and all, but it's not in the cards for this weekend.

As my neighbor arrives to assess the damage, he's thankful it wasn't the yellow Corvette.

:) It's the little things, isn't it?

What went just far enough in the right direction to make your day better?

Valuing Your Summer Schedule - Calendar Tool

2008-06-06T12:44:00.006-05:00

That's the title of my upcoming teleclass (June 11). There's still one more spot if you'd like it. Email me at julie@julzoflife.com.

"A schedule defends from chaos and whim.

It is a net for catching days...

A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order --

willed, faked, and so brought into being.
~Annie Dillard

Even if you can't play this time, check out this great tool, Google Calendar! (calendar.google.com) You can create a calendar for each member of the family, or multiple groups within (mom and kids, mom and dad, just mom). I even made one for the sitter schedule. They're all color coded. You can print a master with everything or just some of the bits.

Check it out! If you have something you really like to keep everyone in your house moving in a positive direction, let us know!

Left to Their Own Devices

2008-05-23T08:18:00.005-05:00

On Wednesday, as I brought my kids home from school/sitter, they were in cahoots about something. Big whispers in the back seat followed by them locking themselves in the toy room to create "a surprise."

I'm typically nervous about closed-door surprises from my munchkins (now 6 and 3 1/2 yrs), but I decided to let them be totally undisturbed for about an hour. There were occasional squabbles, but they worked them out on their own. I made dinner in peace. It was lovely.

Just as I was calling for them to wash up, they produced a brown paper gift bag, decorated and tied with a gold ribbon. The girls were grinning from ear to ear and on the verge of explosion if I didn't open it NOW.

Inside there were two Christmas cards. My older daughter's sweet poinsettia card said, "taks for wrking and taking care of us! Jasmine" and her little sister's Santa card was already printed with, "he's making a list... Hope all your dreams and wishes are fulfilled!" and then, "thangx for wrking Mom" in Jasmine's pen. At the end, my 3 1/2 year old magnificently wrote her own name.

I welled up. They have no idea how much these two cards meant to me. Their timing was impeccable. Their intentions, totally unprovoked.

Tell me, when was the last time you were genuinely and spontaneously appreciated?

Springing Into Abundance - What's YOUR Spring??

2008-05-22T11:17:00.003-05:00

The last issue of The Gem highlighted abundance. Many of you have emailed me about a situation that snapped you back to reality about your own abundance.

Please... take a minute to share with others what did it for you.

Snotty Following

2008-05-21T13:01:00.002-05:00

It's too funny how many of you wrote to me about also having a nasty cold. Almost as many who struggle with negativity.

So maybe we should all stand on our chairs at the same time and chant, "I am well and lucky to be here today!" (Although it might sound like "I emb well and so luggyto be here... cough wheez gag... " Beware of fallout below.)

Be well. Drink liquids. Stay away from others!

Teacher Let the Monkeys Out

2008-05-21T08:04:00.002-05:00

So now what?!

You're settled in your comfy routine of work/school/childcare/activities... and BAM! June comes along before you know it.

I promised in The Gem that I'd be asking you questions for my upcoming book. I meant it. I need your help. I'd like to know two things... your biggest frustration and your biggest "secret weapon" for a joyful transition into summer.

Think about the following aspects:

childcare while you work
preparing their closets for a new size and season
scheduling activities (and getting the kids to them)
emotions (thiers and yours)
REST
Vacation
school prep
???

Let me know your thoughts and a copy of "5 Steps to Unclog the Drain and Let Your Energy Flow" is YOURS!

Valuable Feedback Request

2008-05-20T20:30:00.003-05:00

In the first chapter of my book, we go over values exploration.

So I'm curious, what values guided your decision to have kids?

To work?

To choose your type of work?

When you make big decisions, do you consciously consider your core values, or just trust your intuition? Are you a pro/con list maker? Or do you flip coins and read tea leaves?

Tell me. I truly want to hear what you have to say.

Hello, I'm Mommy.

2008-05-12T18:53:00.003-05:00

Happy belated Mother's Day, Moms!

I do hope you weren't online, or worse yet, WORKING on your day. I hope you were able to marvel at your offspring and be thankful.

My very first Mother's Day was just a few days after the birth of my first daughter. I remember bringing her home. I sat in the hospital vestibule in a wheelchair with her on my lap in a basket carseat. The sun was pouring in the windows as we waited for my proud husband to bring the car around. There was an old woman on oxygen across the way in her own wheelchair. She stretched her neck as far as she could to see in my basket.

"Who do you have there?" she asked.

With tears uncontrollably welling I choked out, "This is Jasmine," introducing her for the very first time. "I get to take her home."

There was so much in that declaration. I was finally believing that I'd been trusted enough to be a mother... it was tough to conceive, and thereafter I spent nearly 10 months (she was overdue) in disbelief. But in that moment, as I introduced my daughter, I also introduced myself as forevermore, "mommy."

The moment was truly divine.

What's you're favorite moment as a mother?

Big Girl Pants

2008-04-29T13:02:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I was describing to a friend just what it felt like to have the "new and improved" julzolife.com live now.

"It feels like I've really stepped into my big girl pants."

Being a not-so-far-from-potty-training mother herself, she could totally relate. Then, she recalled the first time she felt like she had really worn her big girl pants (in the career sense).

"It was the first time I had to fire someone."

Years ago, when I made my first business cards, I thought I had pretty spiffy big girl pants. That wore off. (or for this analogy, perhaps "wore out" is more appropriate?) I wanted more.

When I made my first website ("All by myself!"), that was another day with spiffy BGPs. I grew out of those, too.

I'm sure there will be many new Big Girl Pants days ahead.

Tell me, what's your latest?

Pronoun Perspective

2008-04-18T08:28:00.003-05:00

Last night I was introduced to a very interesting exercise. We were put in groups of 3 and then given a confrontational situation to role play. Two of us were to role play while the other observed. The one rule: we were not allowed to use the personal pronouns that referred to ourselves. Each time we did, the observer took our place.

It was amazing to realize just how many times one wants to say "I" to begin a sentence. Being brought up to use "I" statements when arguing a point, I was tongue-tied and anxious.

It took a few minutes, but after my partner began using the 3rd person ("Deb doesn't like that..."), I had an idea.

"We could cooperate?"

At first she looked confused. After all, this was a confrotational exercise. Were we allowed to cooperate?? Then, both of our shoulders softened and I saw relief on her face.

"Yes, yes I suppose we could? How shall we work this out?"

From there on, we were solution-focused rather than problem-focused. It was pretty amazing. I decided that the same thing would have happened if we banned the word "you" from the exercise instead.

I thought about spousal relationships, and angry siblings (I'm so going to use this with my kids in a couple years...), and whoo boy... POLITICS.

Where would you like to see it? Where would you like to try it?

Pulling What Grows

2008-04-16T10:55:00.002-05:00

I was talking to a gentleman at a networking event last night. We were discussing how to capitalize on what a community already has going for it. His parents were in agriculture. They would marvel at those around them who kept planting things that simply wouldn't grow in the conditions given. The same people would spend crazy amounts of time trying to get rid of what WOULD grow.

So often, we spend a horrible amount of time either lamenting what we don't have, or wracking our brains to figure out how to get it. To quote Sheryl Crow, "it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." I'm not talking about complacency here. I'm talking about re-framing.

What if we stopped pulling what grows naturally and looked at what's desirable about it?

We can take this to an individual level or mom-trepreneur level...

What knowledge do you currently hold that you could expand into "expertise?"
At what are you habitually successful?
How could you do that bigger, better, more often?
How might you assimilate what's working well in your life/business to other areas that frustrate you?

I'd love to hear what you come up with. Please share!

My Bucket List

2008-04-16T08:43:00.002-05:00

I posted a while back about the "bucket list" concept. You know, making a list of all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. Not a very elegant way to look at it, but effective.

I've been gathering some of mine. Have a look. At the very least, I hope it spurs something for your own list. At best, may it compel you to share your list by commenting! (C'mon, what do you have to lose?!)

To run in a wiener race (cultural note: I live in Wisconsin... this happens at every baseball game the Brewers play at home). I'd like to be an Italian sausage or a kielbasa, I think.
To be immortalized as a Muppet or a bobble head. (Bronze busts are so unbecoming!)
Spend a full day in a nudist colony (no matter what shape I'm in) having meaningful conversations with total strangers.
Learn to dive head first into water (still haven't even though dozens have tried to teach me.)
Chop a board in half with my hand (without breaking my hand...)
Run or bike or walk across several hundred mile stretches meeting, talking with and staying with interesting people I've never met.

As I wrote, I noticed a theme. Barring the "immortalization" item, apparently I'm seeking to dive into scary situations (literally or figuratively) with a strong sense of trust in the unknown. Good to know.

What about you? What does your list reveal?

The Roller Coaster - to ride or not to ride?

2008-04-07T11:20:00.002-05:00

Every so often, each of us will step on to an emotional a roller coaster. We know what it's like... going up with wild anticipation and then plummeting to the bottom (leaving particles of yourself at the top) only to fly back upwards again and then round and round. How often do we get back from this trip affected, but pretty much at the same gate we left? We may be enlightened, elated or relieved... but we're back nearly where we started... deciding which direction to go next.

We know what our own roller coasters do for us, but what about when we get on someone elses?

It may be a friend who enters an unhealthy relationship, or a spouse who falls into a pit of self doubt or a co-worker who picks up an new gripe that's all-consuming. Whatever it is, their roller coaster can seem either so dangerous or so inviting that you just have to ride along.

Riding others' roller coasters, I've been compelled to get angry with my loved ones. I've been drawn into fights that weren't my own to fight. And I've taken on stresses that would best be served and worked out without my taking part. I've ridden lots of emotional roller coasters that simply weren't mine to ride.

I used to think it was healthy, or empathetic or supportive. I recently realized that it's not always so. Sometimes the best support I can offer is to watch from the ground, wave at them as they laugh and scream and be ready at the exit gate with steady footing (or a barf bag!) and let them lean on me while they absorb the ride.

Whose coaster do you need to step off of?

Gathering and Reshaping the Bits

2008-03-28T09:20:00.003-05:00

I'm a member of an online networking group called "mums the word" on ning. I read a blog post today from a mum in South West Scotland talking about how mothers wear many hats each day ranging from the mundane to the really emotion-wracking and still remain to keep it “together.”

We get our own eyes open for a moment, our "fashion expert" whips up an outfit out of nothing, our "wife" kisses the husband, our "nurturer" snuggles with the little face that appears bedside, our "groomer" gets the hair bows fastened, our "cook" makes the lunches, our "teacher" prods the homework completion, our “counselor” assures our little girl that Sophia really doesn’t “hate her” and even if she does, one need not quit kindergarten over it, and then our "career lady" shifts gears into work mode (was there a shower somewhere in there??)

Somehow, most of us are able to maintain an amazing appearance of decorum even though our insides might be blown all to bits. As we move through motherhood, wearing all the hats that appear in front of us... sometimes we choose them, sometimes we just wear a hat unknowingly... following the moment, flowing with the need at hand.

But who, indeed, is there when WE fall apart? With whom can we feel safe and coddled in the moment when we're all used up?

I had a moment like this last December. I called my great aunt. I needed to be heard and when I said the words, "there is something on my heart," I fell to tears. I immediately thanked her for being on the line to hear me, to be with me and to hold the space for whatever came next. I was in bits and pieces all over, but she neither stopped me nor tried to sweep up nor order my pieces. She simply let me be there. And she wept with me. She didn't try to make my emotion smaller, or less upsetting. She didn't say, "That’s just the way it goes." She didn't try to fix it. She was empathetic and somehow hugged me back together even though she was over a thousand miles away.

It's finding your "person" or group of people who let you be right where you are and let you talk your way through the "scattered" times. Often they help you know that sometimes being all blown apart helps to reorder everything in even better shape once back together again.

What puts you back together again? A person? A place? A prayer?

WAHM I AM - short tribute the Theo Geisel

2008-03-12T19:56:00.002-05:00

In honor of one of my favorite authors (who's birthday happens to be one short week prior to my own...)

I am WAHM.
WAHM I AM.

That WAHM I AM. That WAHM I AM!
I do not like that WAHM I AM!

But do you like how she works for the fam?

That's all I've got... I'm on hold with Yahoo customer service after a long day. Perhaps one of you could add on?

Enjoy.

Where Have The Nuggets Been???

2008-02-29T10:45:00.002-06:00

I know.

I haven't been writing in The Chest much in February. I've been busy learning and producing in other ways. That and we've had waves of illness in my house. I've had these wild ear infections that seem to fade in and out with respiratory stuff and congestion in a peculiar "almost a cold... almost sick enough to keep me down" kind of way. It's been annoying.

I'm also in the process of giving julzoflife.com a makeover. I've enlisted lots of feedback, resources and assistance with this. A fab new look and feel is on it's way... so I have this hesitance to send anyone peeking at the old look.

As to what I've been learning... here's what I came up with:

Exercise now fuels my energy for everything. When it stops, it's like dominoes that quickly fall and suck up my energy and clarity. I breath better, see better, think better, move with less pain, and smile more after I've exercised.
I can plan "escape valves" for my domino effect. Instead of succumbing to the "can't run outside, I'll kill myself on the ice" theory, I can have options. Options look like, "brave the "dreadmill," (reNAME the dreadmill!), do staircase repetitions... shovel snow... pull the kids in a sled for 3o minutes... climb the sledding hill a dozen or more times."
Throwing in the towel in one place leads to lots of thrown towels. I started eating like crap on top of it. Where did all this candy come from anyway? Who made Valentine's Day like Halloween??
Throwing out candy is OKAY... go ahead, try it! Nobody dies.
Even in the midst of change, be realistic about what "is" and choose your actions accordingly. Not much good happens when your undies don't fit. Wearing them too tight will cut off circulation and make your belly ache. Too loose, you could end up with them at your ankles without notice.
For your ship to come in, you need to send out ships in the first place. I've heard this stated as "hope is not a marketing plan" and "reap what you sow" as well. Whatever hits you best, repeat it daily. And be aware of what your sending out, the law of attraction is great.
Stay the course regardless of fear and strife. If you're doing what you're passionate about, there will be attacks on your will. There will be fleeting options that seem attractive and easy. Root it back to your values. Keep doing what fits them.

What did rosey February teach you?

Endorsement: "The Command Center" by Elizabeth Hagen

2008-02-29T10:31:00.002-06:00

I'm a fan of Robert Middleton's eZine, More Clients. In it, I found an offer for an office organizing system outlined by Elizabeth Hagen. The link above is a free overview. The whole program and how to use it was available for under $30.

I began implementing it at the beginning of February. I started with getting rid of my horizontal filing system (that I so loved!) and purging unnecessary paper. Purge! Whoo Hoo! I let go of so much, paper and otherwise. What a difference it's made! I can focus more easily how that I have that clean slate feeling each day!

The best part about it has been the ability to capture what used to be "fleeting ideas" and tid bits of value that would otherwise go down the drain. (Sometimes quite literally, as many of my best ideas happen in the shower.) Not only are these captured, but the system allows one to put them into action.

If you have paper tigers sabotaging your days... give it a go!

Black Thursday Blushes a Bit

2008-02-02T15:25:00.000-06:00

I’ve definitely had years of my life in which I’ve dreaded February. In fact, a girlfriend and I dubbed Valentine’s Day “black (whatever the day of the week it falls on).” So this year it would be Black Thursday.

It began when she received a ridiculous stuffed frog from her then “sweetheart.” We put an end (so we thought) to the overly high expectations of the Hallmark holiday and decided to just totally blast the day with sarcastic gestures.

No red garb. We wore black. (Although I did score a red silk shirt with black hearts which became "the uniform" for the day.) We bought ourselves flowers and candy (or surprised each other with hilarious cards and dumb gifts.) We made fun of people who were gushy in love. And we competed to find the most pathetic attempts at meeting the ever so high expectation of the day.

“Oh mine wins… he called at 11:30 last night, a last ditch effort, I thought, and then chimes in with ‘oh yeah, today’s Valentine’s day… what did you want to do for that again?’”

“No listen to this, I’ve got a better one…” and so it went. Until one year, when my reality was more like a bad psycho thriller movie.

After that, we ignored the day for a while. We eased back into the humor. Since then, she’s traded the frog man for a decent model and I’ve found my own true love and had kids. It’s a softer, gentler day. Filled with more sugar and silliness than sarcasm… more love than expectation.

So Long January!

2008-02-02T15:22:00.000-06:00

I’m so glad to see the month gone. HELLO February!

Not that there was anything truly catastrophic this month. The Wisconsin tornadoes missed our house. Nobody broke any bones. There were no outrageous, unexpected house or car expenses. We are clothed, fed, and in general good health and repair. Overall, my family is pretty blessed at the moment.

There were just plain emotional tornadoes. I experienced a few near misses that just made me think (and feel) to the edge of myself. Many decisions were pending. Many options were weighed. Many cobwebs were cleared, both literal and figurative. And even a few lines were drawn. My ability to “brush it off and move on” was challenged on a near daily basis.

Maybe it’s the chill. Maybe it’s the hibernation isolation. January seems to bring a stale eerie feeling somewhere after week two. No matter how great the intention of the “new year,” something creeps in and I’m ecstatic to see “the rosy month of love” show up.

Keep It Moving

2008-02-01T12:05:00.000-06:00

As I was doing a major desk purge, I came across the following quote by Alice Roosevelt Longworth:

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full.

I thought about my 3 year old. Her favorite thing to do at the moment is just that. She will spend hours transferring dried beans and pasta from one container to the next, sometimes spooning, sometimes pouring, but usually singing or narrating. She’ll do the same thing with a paper bag or furry backpack. She fills it up, takes it to another room and empties it out, only to fill it again and take it away. In the bath, same thing; fill the cup and empty the cup. Movement is fascinating.

As I purged my office yesterday, I emptied several containers only to fill them again with more useful or appropriate contents. I realized that much of the treasure inside had become obsolete or otherwise unimportant (so I filled my empty recycling can!) I also found information and ideas on scraps and great little boxes that had been hiding too long and needed new homes so that they would again be treasures for a season.

I found several coins in my purge. Have you ever noticed that even money needs to move around and change hands or it gets a bit powdery and funny looking?

During my “shower thoughts” today, I pondered all the things that spoil when left to sit. I think festering thoughts are the worst. Harsh words harbored. The assumption never checked. Apologies left unsaid. Sometimes, with one action (letting go, seeking truth or finding forgiveness) we can empty and fill at the same time.

What are you ready to empty? What would you like to fill?

Pushing Rope

2008-01-23T12:08:00.000-06:00

Ever have one of those days (weeks?) where every direction you turn it’s something new that isn’t working?

Perhaps it’s a conversation you’re having with someone and you feel like you’re speaking in Whale. Perhaps it’s that you’re trying desperately to be on time and the world around you (the kids, the dog, the car, the traffic…) is in slow motion. Maybe it’s that at work you can see opportunities, but for some reason, no matter how you toil, they aren’t coming to fruition… like you’re standing in that fabulous cage full of blowing money, but they gave you satin gloves for your turn so you can’t grasp a single bill.

This is what I call “pushing rope.” We all do it. I usually don’t recognize I’m doing it until I’m way in it. I look around me and wonder why nothing’s working, despite my grand efforts.

Some things aren’t meant to be pushed.

~Wagons (well, you can, but it takes great skill and concentration to keep it going straight)
~Doors that say “pull”
~Wisk brooms (although toddlers insist on it, don’t they?!)
~And rope.

It’s best to try from the other side with a gentle pull. Sometimes that means learning a new language. Sometimes it means understanding that slowing down for the moment might get you to your destination faster than rushing. Sometimes it means simply being who you are and living your values so that others can respect (and even be attracted to) what’s living in you your life.

What are you pushing? What could use a little pull instead?

The Bucket List

2008-01-17T13:32:00.001-06:00

The movie starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman came out a week ago. I'm very intrigued, but tend to wait for movies to come to my livingroom where I can curl up in a warm woobie and eat my own popcorn (and hit pause to pee.)

The two men share a hospital room. Nicholson is the owner/operator of hospitals and Freeman is a mechanic. Freeman makes a "Bucket List" of all the things he wanted to do before he kicked the bucket. Throughout the film, the unlikely pair accomplishes adventures together and strikes item after item off the list. It was the end of the trailer that struck me. Freeman asks Nicholson to do one last thing for him. "Find the joy in your life."

Find the joy. The joy that already exists. The joy that is unseen in this moment for whatever reason... find it.

We all have that opportunity, in each minute. No matter how disgusted we are with the current plight of our minute, hour, day, or surroundings, whatever. We can find the joy in our breath, our heartbeat, the way we're greeted by a child, the miracle of the child in the first place.

A wise man recently told me, "when all is lost... when all you have is the alley you're sleeping in, when you look up, there's nothing left to see but beauty."

Joy. Find yours.

You Can’t Eat An Elephant In One Bite

2008-01-08T14:53:00.000-06:00

I was cleaning my desk last night (WAY in purge mode lately!) Amongst the neatly stacked and organized piles (I’m a visual organizer. If it’s above the desk, it’s active… in a drawer… archive), I found a revised list of house projects.

We’ve owned our early 1900 Victorian for nearly 4 years. I made an extensive “to do” list before we closed, complete with order of priority and supplies needed, many of which were even organized in individual buckets for our initial “project day.” (Some call it a gift, others an illness.)

The list was rather dog-eared when I found it 6 months or so ago. I joyfully checked off what we’d accomplished… wrote a few newly finished projects down and immediately crossed them off (such power in crossing and checking, no?) After neatly re-writing the list, adding new quests and clipping it to paint chips and magazine clippings, it went back into the “active” file tower.

When I re-found it yesterday, I added as many as I crossed off. Momentarily discouraged at how little headway we’d made, I hid the list under my “where to run next” file and went for a cup of caramel coffee. (I’d recommend it!) Then it dawned on this planner/prioritizer. My list isn’t prioritized nor is it scheduled in bite-size pieces. I have ridiculous things left on it like “build a garage” and “grade and reseed the back yard.” Yeah, I’m jumping up and down for that mud bath.

So I’m re-doing my list on the computer this time. I’m putting it on address labels. (More about why later.)

First, I’m moving the projects which have zero chance of being accomplished this year to a wish list.
Second, I’m prioritizing and grouping the rest of the list (things like “clean/organize the basement” need to precede “paint basement walls” and “set up exercise equipment.”)
Third, I’m breaking all the projects into bite-size pieces. For me a “bite” is no more than two hours, preferably less to get the step done. If it’s longer, I won’t start or I’ll resent my family for getting into my way when I want to finish.
Last, I’m printing out the labels. After cutting out the labels and putting them in logical order, they go on a calendar. Bite by bite we’ll git er done!

Want help breaking down your elephant? Let me know. julie@julzoflife.com

Smokin' Outside!

2008-01-07T08:33:00.000-06:00

Maybe not on fire, but certainly smokin'. Mother Nature helped me out this morning by melting most of the snow in the area. Everything is now disgusting shades of brown, dirty white and gray and there's thick fog everywhere.

But I ran today. Outside. 2.5 miles.

It was fabulous and comical. I'm Magoo blind without correction (young readers: read, "can't see hand in front of face") and something is amiss with my left eye, so I've been wearing glasses. It was rather interesting as I ran under raining oak trees and through thick clouds. Then even my own breath was fogging up my glasses, so I started to exhale as if through a piccolo. I overdressed, so half-way through I was flopping a fuzzy glove like a flag in each fist. Donning my "see nothin but me in the fog" yellow vest, I'm sure I was the brightest part of anyone's day, but I couldn't see faces through my own fog.

Didn't matter. I was on fire. All I needed was a smidge of clear glass to see through and to run AWAY. This running in place thing, even if on a slab of moving sidewalk... is for the birds. Once I run away, I have something to run back to. If I choose to run further... I have to contract with myself to get home again. I can't step off the track and call it a day. I am my own ride home. It's empowering. I can because I must.

And home looks so much better once you've been away, doesn't it?

Julz on Fire! Breakin Down the Logs

2008-01-04T13:32:00.000-06:00

This morning I had a rather pathetic 1.3 mile run. My treadmill and I don’t get along. I want it to read my mind and go faster and slower as I see fit and it doesn’t. I want it to have scenery and it doesn’t. I want it to have a breeze and it doesn’t. I want it to call to me from the basement in an encouraging and friendly way. It doesn’t. This morning, it wouldn’t even turn on at first. We aren’t getting along.

As I ran, I whined. “I miss the outdoors. I miss having a run to look forward to (nothing’s scheduled right now.) I miss keeping a log and being accountable for running certain distances.”

So, taking last year’s flavor of “it’s possible” to heart, I ran (to the store) and got a calendar. I impaled it on the plywood next to the dreaded treadmill. After logging my pathetic 1.3 miles on today’s square, I decided that I want to be running 4 miles 3 days a week by February 1. So, I’m going to need to step it up a bit. Every other run or so, I increase a ¼ mile.

Why Feb 1? It’s a realistic stretch for me. It means I have to get my tuckus out of bed before the kids are up or talk myself into running at night. It means if I don’t do it, I’ll be disappointed, sluggish and even more envious of those people who I see braving the icy streets to run outside. Hmm… perhaps I need to get out the SmartWool beanie and outrageously yellow “Whisper Vest” I got for Christmas and join them.

If you see me, point and giggle. I’ll run faster.

What do you need to “log” or “breakdown” to make possible? Let me know.

The Flavor of Resolve.

2008-01-02T12:27:00.000-06:00

Resolve.

To solve again? Do we do this every year? I’ve stopped. Whether I solved 2007 or not, it’s gone. Time to get my hands on the next fun puzzle.

I’ve taken to naming the year instead. Give it a flavor to carry out. 2007 was The Year of “It’s Possible” for me. I figured out childcare without compromising nurturing. I balanced cleanliness with sanity. I figured out meal planning with minimal 4:30 freak-outs.

Instead of being “resolved” to an attitude of “that’s just the way it is now,” I challenged my every whine. The biggest whine I challenged was, “I can’t run. My body isn’t made for it.” I ran a 10K in October. I didn’t die or puke. Finishing with neither event was the goal. Done… in just over an hour, in fact. Not bad for a non-running body.

2008 is “The Year of Julz on Fire.” It started one morning after several really hard mornings. I sprang from my bed put on my running shoes, got the coffee on, made lunches, breakfasts, packed school bags and declared that I was “Mom on Fire!” After explaining to the kids that I did NOT, in fact, require extinguishing (bless fire safety in the schools…), Mom on Fire, Wife on Fire and Julz on Fire are who we have for 2008.

What’s your flavor for 2008?

Do Over!!!

2007-12-09T14:16:00.000-06:00

Remember that? When a game or turn went horribly wrong and you got to do it all over again with those two simple words? Man, those were the days!

A friend reminded me of this concept just this morning. I was struck. I want, often NEED a "do over" on a daily basis (at the very least!)

I was even more struck when he likened "do over" to the word "repent." I always connoted the word repent with fire and brimstone and a large angry finger pointing down (and wagging!) from the sky. But "do over..." that seems so kind and forgiving. "Hey I screwed up, I know it and I'd really like a chance to try again, thanks."

On the drive between my hometown and my university there was a barn with the word REPENT painted on the roof for all highway passers by to see. Every trip I took I wondered, who would do such a thing? Pretty nasty to wag a finger at every car on the road, I thought. Now, I may have to take a trip to find the barn owner and ask him if he was wagging or just telling everyone to be boldly humble enough to ask for a "do over" when they needed one.

Where are you boldly humble enough to ask for a "do over?"
Where in your life could you offer one up without being asked?

We will receive!

2007-12-07T14:24:00.000-06:00

Recently a friend of mine emailed me after she was given a surprise baby shower for her soon-to-arrive daughter. Originally, she didn’t want any of the hoopla and material stuff of the whole shower scene, but she reflected to me about how wonderful it was to receive such thoughtful and useful things from people who really cared about her joy.

After having two kids of my own and moving through the stage of overwhelm with receiving, I had to respond back to her.

“I'm SO excited that you experienced your friends' joy for you and also got to bask in the delight of RECEIVING. You're such a good giver... sometimes it's difficult to receive. Instead of "you shouldn't have," simply say, "thank you so much" and revel in the delight it gave the giver... Remember how it feels so you can relay to your daughter how very excited the world was to meet her. My daughter's favorite stories are of the gifts she received before her birth... before we knew if she was a girl of boy or what her name would be. "You mean people were happy about me before they even KNEW me?" Yep.”

How do you receive? Comment and let us know.

My head is like a junk drawer

2007-12-05T12:24:00.000-06:00

We all have a junk drawer somewhere. Mine’s in the kitchen under the microwave. Certain items in there have a specific “spot” (like the clips for cereal and cracker bags and my 25’ tape measure). Other stuff is just thrust into the abyss (like a spare key or screw to an unknown something). It isn’t all junk. Just yesterday I found a use for several of those ornery silver twist ties that seem to perpetually pin children’s toys to cardboard packaging (they’re great for making do-it-yourself wine charms.)

Every so often, no matter how honorable my intentions to keep the drawer tidy and relevant, I have to open it wide and reexamine its contents. I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping most of the drawer full of useful things. But there’s something about sorting through your own stuff that’s challenging. Even if my head knows that the 5 inch piece of red string is better off in trash, I need to hear someone ask, “Tell me again why you’re keeping this?”

Life coaching is like a good junk drawer cleaning. You can do it yourself if you can successfully divide yourself in two and then talk to yourself objectively, pointing out things you didn’t see before. I’m no good at that. I need a real second person to help me out.

My junk drawer doesn’t need to be examined every day, but it’s in use at least that often. I can clean it in March and I’ll add and subtract enough treasure to it to warrant another good purging by July. Why did I keep this? Does that reason still exist? Did life change enough for this “treasure” to now be “trash” or vice versa?

When my life gets full of spare parts and rogue ideas, I look to my coach to help me sort out that which is of worth and throw away the rest. There’s incredible energy in the purge.