5 Rules

There are so many rules these days, aren't there? I try to give my kids simple directions as I drop them at school/care or to someone's house for a visit. These days, I could use a few simpler rules for myself. I've finally found my new mantra on the tail end of a few email forwards. (Wisdom comes in so many forms, no?)

• Live simply.

• Love generously.

• Care deeply.

• Speak kindly.

On another email it had the same footer... but with this as a fifth:

• Leave the rest to God.

I felt as if it had read the mind of my inner cynic who asked, "so after the first four rules don't cut the mustard, well THEN what??" My shoulders lowered with the comfort of knowing there was an answer for the gremlin in my head. It mirrored the beautiful postcard on my wall that says:

"When the day is over and you have done your best,
wait the results in peace."

I've defined the first 4 rules for my own life over and over... waiting results in peace and putting trust in something other than myself is a little foreign still (that entrepreneurial nature...), but I'm working on it.

Where in your life do you need to trust?

Hands Off

I read a newsletter article this morning called, “Are We Too Child-Centered?” from Raelee Pierce, The Noble Mother. It's about being way "hand-on" and rigorously scheduled and always down playing with the kids. I truly needed to hear what she had to say. I’m so glad I gifted myself the moment to read it. (To see the whole article, go to here )

I’m a 1970 girl. Nearly everything she wrote resonated with me. I’ve been striving for giving my girls some of the independence we had as kids and have felt guilty about it. I feel like my hands have not been very “on” my kids and that it’s somehow wrong. I’m quite preoccupied with how this summer has somehow left my house disheveled. I’m very distracted when I try to stick to a hands-on kids’ project.

What I’ve noticed is that my children are developing work ethic. They are developing creative play that mirrors my industriousness… and there is no shame in that. They are taking value in contributing to the household so that we have a tidy home AND a Mommy who has time to play as well.

When my eldest was really little, she knew that if she brought me a board book, I’d stop whatever I was doing, sit directly on the floor with her in my lap and read the book. (Honestly, how long does it take to read a board book?!) Interestingly, she wouldn’t take advantage. She’d get her fix and then occupy herself for quite some time thereafter.

I remember asking my mom to play (I was/am very social) and often she encouraged me to play solo or was too busy with household happenings or simply wasn’t inclined to play what I was playing. That was something I wanted to change in my own mothering, but I’m wondering now if I might strike a better balance. Some of my best days are those when I take short spurts of spontaneous play with the kids… following the moment and jumping in, as if summoned by some divine cue.

It’s lovely. I’d like more of that, so it’s “on the agenda” (so to speak!) :)

How hands-on are you? What would it be like to simply watch what they do when left to their own devices?

Honking Semis and Other Fine Connections

The other day I heard a semi truck briefly blow it's startling air horn going through town. When I looked, I noticed it was strictly for the amusement of 3 kids on bicycles doing pulling their fists down repeatedly, egging him on. I thought, "how cool of him to oblige," knowing full well that a few of the elderly folks may have had slight accidents of one kind or another after hearing the blast.

A couple days ago, we saw Elmo in a yellow convertible (yes, the real Elmo, not a guy in suit, like my 6 year old supposed...). He saw the children and he waved wildly. (A little trivia, Delavan, WI is the circus capital of the world, and even though the circus hasn't blessed these parts in years, apparently the people of the town have yet to be informed.)

A game we used to play in the car was counting how many people you could get to smile or wave at you while driving on the highway. It wasn't the count that mattered so much. It was the connection.

Action warrants reaction. We expect it. We thrive on it. It's energizing. And when we both notice at the same time... connection. If even for just a moment.

As I've grown, I like to play the connection game still. I count smiles. The grocery store is a fun place to try it. Even better is the DMV. People are typically stressed. A smile says, "I get it. Don't worry, you're okay."

In my business, I've had fun with the connection game. It's amped up a bit. We pass good energy and enthusiasm. We connect the resourceful people we know with other resourceful people we know, in hopes to lift everyone a bit and boost their success. These days, it's not just fun, it's vital, especially for entrepreneurs. We need to connect and move forward supporting one another. We can't do or know or be it all on our own. We have to have our "peeps."

What resources are you keeping to yourself? Your smile? Your wave? Your energetic and efficient accountant? Who could you connect?

The Treasure of Seeing

I was pondering how many times lately I’ve used the word “Look!” in the car lately in an attempt to decrease the incidence of “Are we there yet?”

I’m a child of Saturday morning cartoons and after school re-runs of Happy Days and Lavern and Shirley, but I have to say I’m not a real fan of having the TV on for more than an hour or two during any given day. I’m also not a big fan of the on board DVD players.

But to be honest, a borrowed unit did save my sanity when I traveled 6+ hours alone with my kids. But I didn’t feel good about it.

Lately, the kids and I have been playing the Corn and Beans Game. About 4 hours into my solo trip with them, I needed a pastime that would keep them from looking at one another. (Bill Cosby could not have been more right about sibling rivalry.) And so, the Corn and Beans Game was born.

“What do you see out your window? Corn or Beans?” In late June, it was difficult to tell. And when neither was present, we sometimes learned a new crop. “Wheat! Evergreens! Dead grass! Cows!” Every time the scenery changed, they’d get to shout what they had.

Increasing their awareness of what’s around them has led to some pretty interesting discoveries. “There’s a crashing plane that’s smoking!” We learned about crop dusters that day. Or the day my 3 year old saw the sun setting behind a cloud, perfectly displaying rays of light on every side, she burst with excitement from the backseat, “Look!!! Look, it’s God! Do you see it? Can you? It’s GOD!”

And because of her, we all could.

What have your children helped you see? What are you still missing?

The Gift/Curse of Conscious Choice

My coach sent me the email forward, “Carrot, Egg and Coffee Beans.” You may have read it. If not, I posted it below for your reading pleasure, as it’s a good one. Mary Sullivan is the author.

It’s about how we consciously choose to let adversity affect us.

As working parents, we’re faced with adversity on a daily basis. Someone’s hurt or someone’s sick, yet you have to get to work. Someone needs to be taken to this practice but the car is in the shop. You have an important meeting, yet you’ve had 4 hours of sleep and can’t find your skirt. The kids need school clothes and supplies yet your big client asked for a two month extension on his invoice…

We are left to consciously choose how to handle the situation as well as how we will let it affect us. The gift is that we get a choice. We have free will. As long as we’re willing to accept the consequences of our choices, we can (as our kids accuse us “grown ups” of) “do anything we want!”

The curse is that we have to make a choice. Often the choice with the best consequence isn’t the easiest one to choose. We have to disappoint in the moment in order to create a better big picture in the future. We have to covet our work hours to build a better business. We have to discipline the kids when it would take less energy to just let it go. And sometimes, we have to put our life's passions on the back burner to get food on the table.

These are tough times. You might be stressed to a boiling point. But if we can all brew the coffee while the water's hot and see the blessing in that scalding kettle, your smile comes back as you sip.

What choice will lift you up? Choose it.

Carrot, Egg and Coffee beans

A quick internet search taught me that this is not (contrary to popular belief) an anonymously written piece, although it's traveled through cyberspace as one. Mary Sullivan is the author. Enjoy. (And thanks, Mary!)

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.'

'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, ha rd, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

'Which are you?' she asked her daughter. 'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?