Blown Away

Thankfully, I wasn’t. My family wasn’t either. But on Monday afternoon, I stood stunned as I watched a tornado cross in front of me and then (I learned minutes later) travel on to destroy neighbors’ houses.

Before it hit, I was banging away at my keyboard trying desperately to finish a volunteer project that had been looming for some time. I’d been at it all day to avoid the feeling that I’d forgotten to add that “one great bit of info.” (This typically happens after I hit “send.”)

We live in the country. Can’t hear any sirens unless I’m outside, the wind is perfect and I cup my ear (a lot.) It was nearly 70 degrees in November. The sky had been a tumultuous mess all day, so I’d been pretty calm about it. I knew conditions were perfect, but this is often the case here.

I was focused. That day, I didn’t even bother to have wunderground in the background. I wasn’t listening to a radio, I just typed.

My cousin called. “Are you in your basement?”
“No”
“Get there. There’s a warning. It’s heading toward the state line.”
From my driveway, a person could throw a ball to the state line. (Not me, but a person with a good arm...)

I looked out at the sky. Not great, but not much different than much of the day. I saved my work on all 4 pages. I silently warned Murphy not to take my computer in a funnel and fly it into Lake Michigan (that would be just like him… after all, I was almost done.) I called to the basement to see if my hubby was in his office. (He’s always on one weather website or another and calms me down when I freak about what’s out the window.) No answer.

Phone still in hand, I went downstairs, now with greater speed. I live in a house of glass with a walk-out basement. I wasn’t even completely certain of the “safest” place to huddle. I opened the front door. It was pouring. Our German Shepherd shot in like, “Thank God! Have you SEEN it out there??” (He’s typically keen to remain outside no matter how inclement.)

His reaction escalated my fear. “C’mon Sully!” Grabbed flashlight while calling husband’s cell. Ran to basement, checking out windows. Sheets of rain, dark clouds. Trying to get on wunderground downstairs. Fingers not working, then can’t read what it says. What does a pink triangle mean? What’s that noise? It’s our heater fan. Shut it off so I can hear! Ran upstairs. Shut it off.

Husband was at the bank. Children were hopefully still at the school (it was dismissal time.) Faster yet went my heart. Why do tornados like 3pm??
Sully followed wherever I went. (Even to a quick stop to the john, which is in the room he gets bathed. Not typical dog behavior. I peed turbo fast.) Opened door to small room of safety. Basement floor. Dashed out.

Flashlight, phone, dog. Pillow to sit on, blanket. Radio? Dashed to family room, stopped.

Looked up.

A charcoal gray column about 200 feet wide was in front of me, just beyond our pond. The rain had stopped, the air just outside the giant windows in front of me was calm. I mouthed, “Oh, dear God. There it is.” Mouth and eyes agape.

“Sully come!” We huddled on the floor of the little room and he licked my face while I sobbed, thankful for redial since I couldn’t see. “I just saw it… I saw the tornado.”

“You saw it?!” My husband was still at the bank, but now outside watching the storm as it had passed. “It’s passed. You’ll be okay. I’m coming home.”

We agreed he should check the school to be sure the kids were still in it, rather than en route. He did. They were.

I called my dad, still huddling, still sobbing. Still wrapping my mind around what I’d seen. Still wondering all the “what if’s.”

The phone kept ringing. We still had power, miraculously. As I emerged from my huddle, I could see no damage.

Three homes and two barns were hit and sustained devastating damage. One couple was still heading to the basement when it hit, peeling off the top of their ranch house like a sardine can.

Sheet metal and insulation everywhere. Cattle killed. The people were all fine.

Just after I saw it, it must have leaped my neighbor’s house (sparing it completely) and then traveled down her wooded driveway, snapping and uprooting mature evergreens as it did. Two of her full-grown trees were found in the field across the road.

After we gratefully received the kids from the 1 hour late bus, we assessed the damage in our fields. We could see the path in the matted grass, but it must have lifted (or simply didn’t like eating less-mature evergreens!) as it went over the nursery stock. All of it was fine. Deciduous trees in a few of the fence lines and a giant willow tree in a creek bed were shattered. Our neighbor to the north of the fields lost chunks of roof and had shattered windows and downed trees.

Our bus driver hunts our land. He’d taken the day off to hunt. Chores and other distractions kept him from getting to the field, and then the rain came. He was waiting it out before heading here. Had he been in his tree stand when the tornado came through, he’d have been wrapped in a tangle of metal. We found the stand 200 yards from where it had been anchored. It was mangled.

As I thank God over and over for sparing us and our home and trees, I still can’t help but wonder how the tornados choose. It was a question uttered by my youngest the day after the storm. How do we know the next one won’t miss us? She internalizes a lot and after she simmers a bit, we’re careful to give her a release valve so she doesn’t explode.

We acknowledged that her fear is logical and real and it’s natural to be scared of something so powerful. All we can do is be aware and prepare as best we can. Only the wind can truly know. Until then, we just go on and continue to be grateful for doing so.

(And any time life blows us away, we can ask our mommies to rock us and hug the tears away.)

A very happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Refresh.

Written 11/5/10

Refresh.

I’m not really sure about all the techno ya ya that happens when I hit that magical button on my browser. Somehow, though, it makes the old, unneeded stuff go away and brings me the new, fresh stuff. Ta da!

I’ve been refreshing. My office, my house, my website, my career, my thoughts. There was (and still is) a lot of garbage in all of it. I recycled a stack of magazines yesterday. Some were never even cracked open. I moved them, more than a year ago, to my new office where I’ve tripped over them, moved them from this corner to that and have let them silently suck energy from me. They would whisper, “Aren’t you going to read me? Oprah has a lot of great gems to share and those nice people from Family Fun are filled with great ideas as well. And there have to be some great tips on living more green and healthy in the yoga mags… C’mon, stop and read us!”

Do you have talking stacks of stuff like this? Admit it. Laundry and extraneous projects have spoken to you, begging to be completed (or at least given a second glance!)

I took about 15 minutes to look at the covers, rip 3 articles out of the whole stack of O. I then allowed myself to keep the old WonderTime magazines that are now out of print. (They’re that good and they still make me think and smile.) The rest of them made it to the curb. Liberating.

I resisted posting the lovely periodicals on freecycle, asking friends if they wanted them and the like. Sometimes, you just have to choose and purge.

After making quite a few decisions that weren’t my finest, I’m consciously choosing who gets my energy and time. I’m choosing what will remain and what needs to GO in regards to relationships, attention, stuff, money, projects, ideas and events. While I realize that this will not be a series of decisions as easy as dumping Oprah in the blue bin, I’m keeping my eye on the end.

When I look back, whether it’s a day or years, I’d like to be proud of my actions. Living on purpose and thriving, rather than reacting and surviving.

I can already feel the energy in this “refresh.” More updates to come.

Speed Dating

Last night, in a long-awaited gathering of friends, I was reminded how important it is to find community. We are all alone in many aspects. We may be around people all day, or not. We may talk to people constantly, or not. We may have plenty on the social calendar, or not. None of this really accounts for how alone a person may feel. Isolation comes in many packages, most especially for extroverts who work from home... alone.

We chose to “speed date” last night (or some warped version thereof for all of us aged 30-40 something wives/moms.) Our dilemma has always been that our evenings together as a group are few and far between. While we enjoy the time out together, we never feel completely caught up or “in tune” with what’s going on in the lives of these women we call friends.

We’re all busy. We’re all caught up in our own junk. So we’ll chat a bit about the tooth fairy incident to one friend, a bit about the job search to another, and on a rare occasion, we’ll get into some of the meat of our challenges. Sometimes, if we eavesdrop, we’ll catch a 2 for 1 conversation and learn about what’s happening with two other gals, but then it’s time to go, leaving so much left unsaid and unheard.

There were 12 of us. The first hour is filled with greeting each other and discussing what delicious things are on the countertop buffet. Once we had our group, we sat in a circle with our loaded plates and touched on what’s been happening of late.

There were losses, there were gains. There were updates on things we knew and surprising news of things we’d not yet heard. There were admissions, confessions and some therapeutic monologues that solidified self discoveries for us all to bear witness. There has been healing as well as disrepair. There was laughter, silence and tears. New jokes were made that are sure to last.

We heard, “my life is boring, nothing really going on…” more than once. (Even in the assumed mundane we can feel isolation.) Yet, everyone had struggles and learning and triumphs that were inspiring. I gained something from every woman there. I felt seen, heard, loved and a tiny been more known. I have a better idea of how I might support each of my friends. I can keep an eye out for resources to help her, lend an ear or a hand, spread the word about her skill or products. Or I can just hold the space for her success.

We’ve decided to speed date once a month, but I think we’ll need a better name…

Weeds - from May 5, 2010

5-5-10

I've been weeding a lot lately.
Our new house has nine flowerbeds. Sizeable ones. Lots of cool perennials.
Last summer they received little to no care. The house was vacant. We were changing the inside so we could move in and chose to neglect the outside for a season simply out of necessity.
The weeds were loving it. Last fall and this spring, we've been in reparation mode. De-uglification. Big time.
I'm just starting to identify the good from the evil in this mass of green and bloom. Sometimes, it's evident right away (grass, thistle and dandelions are a no-brainers, creeping Charlie is a give-away as well). Most times, though, I have to wait until there's been some substantial growth (or a flower!) and then I can identify it. I hear that sometimes waiting until then it’s too late. Often the "bad" has then taken over and wound around the good stuff, so when you pull, you pull it all up- good and bad alike.
Sitting in the grass on the outskirts of my tiny jungles, I've been deep in thought about my business over the last year. It's been through some "inside work" as well, while the outside has seemed to get a bit vine-covered.
I've been retooling and gathering new skills, touching the lives of a slightly different clientele. During the last year, while rolling with the economy’s punches, I’ve helped people transition through job search while contracting out as a career management consultant. I rework their resumes, show them the job search ropes and generally coach with them through the process. (And if you’ve ever been unemployed, it can be a truly daunting process.)
Many of the over 300 job candidates I’ve worked with this past year have been working moms and many have not. But each has had his or her own share of chaos which I’ve had a hand in mitigating.
As I “worked on the inside,” often I lamented the flowerbeds of coaching that I left to wait for me. It’s been more than a year since my last Chest newsletter. I haven’t offered a new teleclass or live workshop since then either. It’s easy to call Julz of Life “abandoned” yet I’m reminded by my plants (as well as comments from my current clients) that it’s far from the truth.
My life's work, my passion... is so embedded in who I am that no prolific vine of doubt or false sense of reality could choke it out. I’m ready to get back outside with even more to offer for having been inside for a while.
What have you been working on "inside?" Where does your work get choked out? What needs a bit of weeding (and some PREEN to keep them from creeping back in)? Drop me a line.

Don't Look Down

I've been singing BB King this past month. Valentines Day brings it on. When I was a kid, this song (below) was a family favorite, brought home by my laughing father with a resounding, "you have to hear this!"

As I teach my kids to walk a balance beam or ride a bike or not sweat the small stuff... it still holds true. If only we could remember it ourselves more often. Keep out of the minutia, put the hammer down and just don't look down.

Enjoy!

Better Not Look Down
by BB King

I’ve been around and I’ve seen some things
People moving faster than the speed of sound
Faster than the speeding bullet
People living like Superman
All day and all night
And I won’t say if it’s wrong or if it’s right
I’m pretty fast myself
But I do have some advice to pass
Along in the chorus of this song

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

An old girl friend of mine showed up the other day
That girl have lived in love and for love
And over love, and under love all her life
If the arrows from cupid’s bow that had
Passed through her heart had been sticking
Out of her body she would have looked like
A porcupine, and she asked me
B.B. do you think I’ve lived my life all wrong?
And I said: The only advice I have to pass
Along in the chorus of this song
Girl

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

I was walking down the street at sunrise one morning
In London, England
And there was a very large Rolls Royce Limousine
Pulling slowly along the street
And in that Rolls Royce was the Queen of England
Looking tired
Just go back from a party, and the Queen leaned out and
She said: Aren’t you B.B. King? She said:
Oh B.B., sometimes it’s so hard to pull things together
Could you tell me what you think I ought to do?
And I said:

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

Talk About the Weather

There’s a lot of talk about the weather. “Global warming” (wag the dog), pounds of snow in atypical climates, groundhog news, icy, slushy Olympics and all. Moaning, groaning, predicting, and whining.

I live in the Midwest. We’ve had white ground since December 9th. It’s tried to melt a couple of times, but to no avail. We keep getting a fresh dusting (or dumping) off and on which has kept a nice white glow covering the usually grey and muddy landscape. It’s the first time this has happened (for real) in years and years (although Christmas cards and textbooks would have the rest of the world believe otherwise).

It’s pretty magical, almost divine, I think. I don’t know about you, but I truly needed a sugar coating this winter. There’s enough daily grey just turning on the news and opening the mail. It’s fantastic to look out to see a “wonderland” (to quote the Abominable Snowman in Monsters Inc.) rather than muck. Not to mention how great it is to let the dog in and not worry about giant, black paws all over the floors!

My kids and I have made snowmen and snowmice. We’ve sledded. We’ve hiked. My husband has snow shoed. We’ve had no loss for dog toys since our German Shepherd fetches snowballs (and every so often, he unearths a real dog toy and then it’s amazing fun.) They’ve experienced frozen pond, thawing pond, refrozen pond. We’ve investigated the tracks that various creatures have made in the snow and commented about who chooses not to walk a straight line.

Honestly, I’m not ready for the melt. I’ve needed this winter’s hibernation. I’ve needed time to cozy up in a cocoon and decide what the butterfly might look like come spring. We’ve been reinventing “fun” and “necessity” which may now become tradition.

With so very much out of control at the moment, it’s so nice to sit back and marvel at what nature delivers and see what’s possible when we work with what arrives.

Where’s your “fresh snow?” Have you chosen to play in it or wish it away?

When the Boat’s Too Heavy, Throw Something Overboard!

I help recently unemployed individuals with job search and resume revision, so I try to keep up on what’s happening. There’s a lot of doom and gloom in the press. Some with merit, some not. I glean what I can and blow away the rest.

Interesting to see the trend that this recession isn’t necessarily following trends of those in the past. One article from this morning’s WSJ discussed that many jobs became unnecessary over the years, but still existed in a good economy (i.e. receptionists, many administrative positions, some finance industry "extras"). Many are gone or in the process of being eliminated due to budgetary constraints. Some are replaced with technology; some are just not being replaced as they were duplication of efforts in the first place. Some are being outsourced to other countries. Other positions are seeing a dramatic reduction in salary, (honestly, bringing them back into the realm of reasonable... I'm waiting for the day professional sports salaries "get real.")

So, if people are in the position where they can’t do what they used to do or if they can, it’s not for the same wage, what next?

It may sound elementary, but if you’re in a leaking, sinking boat with all your possessions, the logical thing would be to start throwing some things overboard. There are precious few of us who are at a “bare bones” place right now. Redefining “necessity” is a healthy exercise. It’s so easy to misinterpret the “nice to have” for the “need to have.”

If you don’t have a goal of living within your means, then you may as well stop reading now and go charge a $7 cup of coffee at Starbucks, and for kicks, add a $4 bagel because you “deserve” it. All others read on.

Try listing all your expenses, and if appropriate, your spending “habits” as well. (These things often get omitted from the true budget but seem to eat it alive!) Then, honestly ask yourself what the consequences would be if you eliminated that expense. Some may be dire consequences. A diabetic throwing the insulin overboard - not a good move. Some things may be removed temporarily with a date or event given for when they may return (i.e. “by summer” or “after first full month of employment”)

After you have the “necessities” in the budget, look at what’s in your control to reduce them. Can you trade services for anything? Can you get a discount on anything? Consolidate or bundle your telecoms? Is eliminating a car feasible? Can you change where you shop?

This takes practice. You must stop and think - Does the consequence of affording the service/item outweigh the consequence of eliminating (or reducing) it?

The bigger challenge – Decide how you will reframe your idea of abundance to match your goal of living within your means.

If you’d like to discuss this exercise, write to me at Julie@julzoflife.com or comment below.

Inventory

I don’t mind admitting that 2008 and 2009 were not easy. There were plenty of blessing to count, but to be honest, some days it was really tough to name them.

I’d love to report that my business is booming. I’d love to report that I’ve finished my book on creating valuable habits and that it’s flying out of stores everywhere. I’d love to tell you that folks are stacked a mile high eager to receive coaching and transform their desires to reality. I’d love to report a full schedule of overbooked teleclasses. I’d love to report that those same people are sitting in such abundance that investing in their personal growth in this way is as easy a decision as buying a pack of gum.

Alas, that is not my report.

What I will report is that I am employed. I am in the black. I am healthy (albeit a tad nuts some days). I am moving forward. I am dreaming old and new dreams. I am exercising. I am paying it forward. I am doing what I can to help others get through. I am continuing to be creative with solutions. I am letting go of that which I cannot control.

I take this inventory for my own benefit, but also to help you sort your own losses and blessings. Begin with your losses. Finish with your blessings. See what comes up.

If you’d like to discuss it, write to me. Julie@julzoflife.com

Happy 2010. Make it great.