Valuable Feedback Request

In the first chapter of my book, we go over values exploration.

So I'm curious, what values guided your decision to have kids?

To work?

To choose your type of work?

When you make big decisions, do you consciously consider your core values, or just trust your intuition? Are you a pro/con list maker? Or do you flip coins and read tea leaves?

Tell me. I truly want to hear what you have to say.

Hello, I'm Mommy.

Happy belated Mother's Day, Moms!

I do hope you weren't online, or worse yet, WORKING on your day. I hope you were able to marvel at your offspring and be thankful.

My very first Mother's Day was just a few days after the birth of my first daughter. I remember bringing her home. I sat in the hospital vestibule in a wheelchair with her on my lap in a basket carseat. The sun was pouring in the windows as we waited for my proud husband to bring the car around. There was an old woman on oxygen across the way in her own wheelchair. She stretched her neck as far as she could to see in my basket.

"Who do you have there?" she asked.

With tears uncontrollably welling I choked out, "This is Jasmine," introducing her for the very first time. "I get to take her home."

There was so much in that declaration. I was finally believing that I'd been trusted enough to be a mother... it was tough to conceive, and thereafter I spent nearly 10 months (she was overdue) in disbelief. But in that moment, as I introduced my daughter, I also introduced myself as forevermore, "mommy."

The moment was truly divine.

What's you're favorite moment as a mother?

Big Girl Pants

Yesterday, I was describing to a friend just what it felt like to have the "new and improved" julzolife.com live now.

"It feels like I've really stepped into my big girl pants."

Being a not-so-far-from-potty-training mother herself, she could totally relate. Then, she recalled the first time she felt like she had really worn her big girl pants (in the career sense).

"It was the first time I had to fire someone."

Years ago, when I made my first business cards, I thought I had pretty spiffy big girl pants. That wore off. (or for this analogy, perhaps "wore out" is more appropriate?) I wanted more.

When I made my first website ("All by myself!"), that was another day with spiffy BGPs. I grew out of those, too.

I'm sure there will be many new Big Girl Pants days ahead.

Tell me, what's your latest?

Pronoun Perspective

Last night I was introduced to a very interesting exercise. We were put in groups of 3 and then given a confrontational situation to role play. Two of us were to role play while the other observed. The one rule: we were not allowed to use the personal pronouns that referred to ourselves. Each time we did, the observer took our place.

It was amazing to realize just how many times one wants to say "I" to begin a sentence. Being brought up to use "I" statements when arguing a point, I was tongue-tied and anxious.

It took a few minutes, but after my partner began using the 3rd person ("Deb doesn't like that..."), I had an idea.

"We could cooperate?"

At first she looked confused. After all, this was a confrotational exercise. Were we allowed to cooperate?? Then, both of our shoulders softened and I saw relief on her face.

"Yes, yes I suppose we could? How shall we work this out?"

From there on, we were solution-focused rather than problem-focused. It was pretty amazing. I decided that the same thing would have happened if we banned the word "you" from the exercise instead.

I thought about spousal relationships, and angry siblings (I'm so going to use this with my kids in a couple years...), and whoo boy... POLITICS.

Where would you like to see it? Where would you like to try it?

Pulling What Grows

I was talking to a gentleman at a networking event last night. We were discussing how to capitalize on what a community already has going for it. His parents were in agriculture. They would marvel at those around them who kept planting things that simply wouldn't grow in the conditions given. The same people would spend crazy amounts of time trying to get rid of what WOULD grow.

So often, we spend a horrible amount of time either lamenting what we don't have, or wracking our brains to figure out how to get it. To quote Sheryl Crow, "it's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." I'm not talking about complacency here. I'm talking about re-framing.

What if we stopped pulling what grows naturally and looked at what's desirable about it?

We can take this to an individual level or mom-trepreneur level...

• What knowledge do you currently hold that you could expand into "expertise?"
• At what are you habitually successful?
• How could you do that bigger, better, more often?
• How might you assimilate what's working well in your life/business to other areas that frustrate you?

I'd love to hear what you come up with. Please share!

My Bucket List

I posted a while back about the "bucket list" concept. You know, making a list of all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. Not a very elegant way to look at it, but effective.

I've been gathering some of mine. Have a look. At the very least, I hope it spurs something for your own list. At best, may it compel you to share your list by commenting! (C'mon, what do you have to lose?!)

• To run in a wiener race (cultural note: I live in Wisconsin... this happens at every baseball game the Brewers play at home). I'd like to be an Italian sausage or a kielbasa, I think.
• To be immortalized as a Muppet or a bobble head. (Bronze busts are so unbecoming!)
• Spend a full day in a nudist colony (no matter what shape I'm in) having meaningful conversations with total strangers.
• Learn to dive head first into water (still haven't even though dozens have tried to teach me.)
• Chop a board in half with my hand (without breaking my hand...)
• Run or bike or walk across several hundred mile stretches meeting, talking with and staying with interesting people I've never met.

As I wrote, I noticed a theme. Barring the "immortalization" item, apparently I'm seeking to dive into scary situations (literally or figuratively) with a strong sense of trust in the unknown. Good to know.

What about you? What does your list reveal?

The Roller Coaster - to ride or not to ride?

Every so often, each of us will step on to an emotional a roller coaster. We know what it's like... going up with wild anticipation and then plummeting to the bottom (leaving particles of yourself at the top) only to fly back upwards again and then round and round. How often do we get back from this trip affected, but pretty much at the same gate we left? We may be enlightened, elated or relieved... but we're back nearly where we started... deciding which direction to go next.

We know what our own roller coasters do for us, but what about when we get on someone elses?

It may be a friend who enters an unhealthy relationship, or a spouse who falls into a pit of self doubt or a co-worker who picks up an new gripe that's all-consuming. Whatever it is, their roller coaster can seem either so dangerous or so inviting that you just have to ride along.

Riding others' roller coasters, I've been compelled to get angry with my loved ones. I've been drawn into fights that weren't my own to fight. And I've taken on stresses that would best be served and worked out without my taking part. I've ridden lots of emotional roller coasters that simply weren't mine to ride.

I used to think it was healthy, or empathetic or supportive. I recently realized that it's not always so. Sometimes the best support I can offer is to watch from the ground, wave at them as they laugh and scream and be ready at the exit gate with steady footing (or a barf bag!) and let them lean on me while they absorb the ride.

Whose coaster do you need to step off of?