Don't Look Down

I've been singing BB King this past month. Valentines Day brings it on. When I was a kid, this song (below) was a family favorite, brought home by my laughing father with a resounding, "you have to hear this!"

As I teach my kids to walk a balance beam or ride a bike or not sweat the small stuff... it still holds true. If only we could remember it ourselves more often. Keep out of the minutia, put the hammer down and just don't look down.

Enjoy!

Better Not Look Down
by BB King

I’ve been around and I’ve seen some things
People moving faster than the speed of sound
Faster than the speeding bullet
People living like Superman
All day and all night
And I won’t say if it’s wrong or if it’s right
I’m pretty fast myself
But I do have some advice to pass
Along in the chorus of this song

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

An old girl friend of mine showed up the other day
That girl have lived in love and for love
And over love, and under love all her life
If the arrows from cupid’s bow that had
Passed through her heart had been sticking
Out of her body she would have looked like
A porcupine, and she asked me
B.B. do you think I’ve lived my life all wrong?
And I said: The only advice I have to pass
Along in the chorus of this song
Girl

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

I was walking down the street at sunrise one morning
In London, England
And there was a very large Rolls Royce Limousine
Pulling slowly along the street
And in that Rolls Royce was the Queen of England
Looking tired
Just go back from a party, and the Queen leaned out and
She said: Aren’t you B.B. King? She said:
Oh B.B., sometimes it’s so hard to pull things together
Could you tell me what you think I ought to do?
And I said:

Better not look down
If you want to keep on flying
Put the hammer down
Keep it full speed ahead
Better not look back
Or you might just wind up crying
You can keep it moving
If you don’t look down

Talk About the Weather

There’s a lot of talk about the weather. “Global warming” (wag the dog), pounds of snow in atypical climates, groundhog news, icy, slushy Olympics and all. Moaning, groaning, predicting, and whining.

I live in the Midwest. We’ve had white ground since December 9th. It’s tried to melt a couple of times, but to no avail. We keep getting a fresh dusting (or dumping) off and on which has kept a nice white glow covering the usually grey and muddy landscape. It’s the first time this has happened (for real) in years and years (although Christmas cards and textbooks would have the rest of the world believe otherwise).

It’s pretty magical, almost divine, I think. I don’t know about you, but I truly needed a sugar coating this winter. There’s enough daily grey just turning on the news and opening the mail. It’s fantastic to look out to see a “wonderland” (to quote the Abominable Snowman in Monsters Inc.) rather than muck. Not to mention how great it is to let the dog in and not worry about giant, black paws all over the floors!

My kids and I have made snowmen and snowmice. We’ve sledded. We’ve hiked. My husband has snow shoed. We’ve had no loss for dog toys since our German Shepherd fetches snowballs (and every so often, he unearths a real dog toy and then it’s amazing fun.) They’ve experienced frozen pond, thawing pond, refrozen pond. We’ve investigated the tracks that various creatures have made in the snow and commented about who chooses not to walk a straight line.

Honestly, I’m not ready for the melt. I’ve needed this winter’s hibernation. I’ve needed time to cozy up in a cocoon and decide what the butterfly might look like come spring. We’ve been reinventing “fun” and “necessity” which may now become tradition.

With so very much out of control at the moment, it’s so nice to sit back and marvel at what nature delivers and see what’s possible when we work with what arrives.

Where’s your “fresh snow?” Have you chosen to play in it or wish it away?

When the Boat’s Too Heavy, Throw Something Overboard!

I help recently unemployed individuals with job search and resume revision, so I try to keep up on what’s happening. There’s a lot of doom and gloom in the press. Some with merit, some not. I glean what I can and blow away the rest.

Interesting to see the trend that this recession isn’t necessarily following trends of those in the past. One article from this morning’s WSJ discussed that many jobs became unnecessary over the years, but still existed in a good economy (i.e. receptionists, many administrative positions, some finance industry "extras"). Many are gone or in the process of being eliminated due to budgetary constraints. Some are replaced with technology; some are just not being replaced as they were duplication of efforts in the first place. Some are being outsourced to other countries. Other positions are seeing a dramatic reduction in salary, (honestly, bringing them back into the realm of reasonable... I'm waiting for the day professional sports salaries "get real.")

So, if people are in the position where they can’t do what they used to do or if they can, it’s not for the same wage, what next?

It may sound elementary, but if you’re in a leaking, sinking boat with all your possessions, the logical thing would be to start throwing some things overboard. There are precious few of us who are at a “bare bones” place right now. Redefining “necessity” is a healthy exercise. It’s so easy to misinterpret the “nice to have” for the “need to have.”

If you don’t have a goal of living within your means, then you may as well stop reading now and go charge a $7 cup of coffee at Starbucks, and for kicks, add a $4 bagel because you “deserve” it. All others read on.

Try listing all your expenses, and if appropriate, your spending “habits” as well. (These things often get omitted from the true budget but seem to eat it alive!) Then, honestly ask yourself what the consequences would be if you eliminated that expense. Some may be dire consequences. A diabetic throwing the insulin overboard - not a good move. Some things may be removed temporarily with a date or event given for when they may return (i.e. “by summer” or “after first full month of employment”)

After you have the “necessities” in the budget, look at what’s in your control to reduce them. Can you trade services for anything? Can you get a discount on anything? Consolidate or bundle your telecoms? Is eliminating a car feasible? Can you change where you shop?

This takes practice. You must stop and think - Does the consequence of affording the service/item outweigh the consequence of eliminating (or reducing) it?

The bigger challenge – Decide how you will reframe your idea of abundance to match your goal of living within your means.

If you’d like to discuss this exercise, write to me at Julie@julzoflife.com or comment below.

Inventory

I don’t mind admitting that 2008 and 2009 were not easy. There were plenty of blessing to count, but to be honest, some days it was really tough to name them.

I’d love to report that my business is booming. I’d love to report that I’ve finished my book on creating valuable habits and that it’s flying out of stores everywhere. I’d love to tell you that folks are stacked a mile high eager to receive coaching and transform their desires to reality. I’d love to report a full schedule of overbooked teleclasses. I’d love to report that those same people are sitting in such abundance that investing in their personal growth in this way is as easy a decision as buying a pack of gum.

Alas, that is not my report.

What I will report is that I am employed. I am in the black. I am healthy (albeit a tad nuts some days). I am moving forward. I am dreaming old and new dreams. I am exercising. I am paying it forward. I am doing what I can to help others get through. I am continuing to be creative with solutions. I am letting go of that which I cannot control.

I take this inventory for my own benefit, but also to help you sort your own losses and blessings. Begin with your losses. Finish with your blessings. See what comes up.

If you’d like to discuss it, write to me. Julie@julzoflife.com

Happy 2010. Make it great.

The Power of “Getting Out”

On Friday, I went for coffee again. This made the second Friday in a row that I actually got out. I’m not incarcerated; I’ve just fallen pray to a bad habit. The habit is called “working from home means staying at home.”

I work with individuals who are job searching and I repeatedly stress the importance of face to face networking and just "getting out there." The word networking gives most of us shivers, so let's talk about my coffee dates instead.

It had been nearly a year since I’ve seen my friend Colleen outside of cyberspace. She's a mom-trepreneur who owns Toe to Toe, a ballet studio, and has 4 school-aged boys, so her schedule is nuts.
There were a thousand barriers to my making this (or any other) date. Could I fit it in my schedule? This is a bit decadent for this economy if it’s “just for fun.” What would I have to move to get it in there? Could I get my kindergartener fed and on the bus on time? A coffee shop cup of coffee is 9 million dollars and I can buy several hundred pots at home for that. This means that I’ll have to shower and perhaps find my mascara, doesn’t it? Amazing how logical the Gremlins in our heads sound when we’re branching out of the cozy norm. Regardless, we nailed down a date and time and decided to meet halfway at a mom and pop coffee shop.


Appropriately named for my momentous branching out – our venue, “Tickled Pink” was adorable and inviting. It seemed to breed connection and unlikely pairings. It’s an antique and consignment shop in the middle and a sort of small business hub on the outskirts, complete with WiFi. I was greeted by a band of morning hecklers who were admitted regulars to the shop. They were hospitable and welcoming as I fumbled through my awkward ordering of “just a dumb old cuppa coffee, nothing fancy.” They all wondered just how on earth I’d never been in the shop if I’d lived in the community since it opened.

How, indeed? It sure seemed the place to be.

As I was stirring in some real Wisconsin cream, my friend arrived, ordered and checked out a “Princess Tea Party” flyer on the counter and led me to a cozy spot by a fake roaring fire.

We caught up on family lives and went on into chatting about businesses, hers and mine. Despite the economy, ballet is booming and she’s adding classes. We talked about my writing and coaching and recent opportunities I’d been exploring. I told her that since I’ve now revamped hundreds of resumes, I took my hand at my own. Not an easy task. She asked for a copy so she could take a look at my work and perhaps ask her husband if there was a need for some of my freelance where he works. I handed one over.

We talked about a mutual friend, Robin, who’s also a mom-trepreneur. She owns Zainey and Zoe, an online boutique that features girls’ accessories. Colleen wanted to contact her about an upcoming event for vendors at her studio, but she lost her number. I’m Robin’s business coach, so I knew it by heart.

Our short hour and twenty minutes was coming to a close. As we whipped on our coats, she folded up my resume and joked, “you don’t teach dance do you?”

“I taught Salsa and Meringue in college…”

“You’re kidding?! People keep asking for couples dancing. I’ll need to ponder this…” And we parted, vowing to make it less than a year until next time.

I had such fun on my coffee field trip that I repeated it again. This time with Robin and this time we each had a small girl in tow. We’re seasoned at this, so we were prepared to keep them entertained. Also, the week prior, I’d noticed the sign prominently hung above the coffee counter which read, “Unattended children will be served coffee and given a puppy.” Best to bring crayons.

We settled in next to the same faux fire as I had the week before and swept through the news of late. The girls colored while we sipped and chatted. I told Robin about a great deal I scored at the Clearwaters Salon around the corner yesterday ($5 cuts with an apprentice stylist who was wonderful!) While there, I learned about The Green Grocer, a new holistic food store that had a host of gluten free product. (Robin buys gluten free… always looking for a new local source.)

By chance, Colleen came in with her business manager and was able to connect with Robin personally about the vendor fair. The business manager would be handling it, and since being introduced, they can now put names to faces.

Our time was up and we gathered coats. Robin put Zaine’s adorable hat back on (her own creation, as we typically adorn our smidgens in her work when we take them out) and we headed for the door. The owner was there, holding it open and wishing us a good day. As we passed, she said, “What an ADORABLE beanie!” Robin, who can be squeamish about selling, was quick to casually respond, “Would you like to sell them in your store? I make them. Here’s my card.” Delightful.

Just like butter. One right after the next, connections flowed. I might never teach Salsa at the studio. Robin might not partake in the vendor fair. Perhaps nothing will come of Colleen’s husband peeking at my resume. But the seeds were planted. As soon as the message bottles are thrown in the ocean, things are more possible than they were yesterday.

Get out there.

Are you settled?

Interesting to see where I was in July amidst my immersion in much needed diversion. (The joys of a blog.) Since then, my husband and I have packed, unpacked, removed wallpaper from and painted multiple rooms, cleared and otherwise reorganized stuff left in the new house and moved the rest of our stuff to one home. For both of us, work life has changed and is still in flux.

I'm not sure that "settled" is the word I'd like to achieve. I'm not sure it's entirely possible (or desireable), to be honest. Every time someone askes that of me, "Are you settled in?" I can't muster an affirmative answer. "It will take a while, I think, but it's feeling homier." Is homier even a word?!

So I'm taking the old adage to heart. "Happiness is not a destination, but a manner of travel."

When the weather was exceedingly gorgeous, we took time to enjoy the pool and get the yard in better order. My youngest learned to ride a two-wheeler and we were all there to witness. When school started, my husband and I took advantage of our work schedules and hung out at the roadside as a family, teaching the dog not to eat the bus as it swallowed his girls.

We are not "unsettled," so there's that. It's as if we're floating somewhere near the surface instead of sinking to the bottom to rest with the other silt.

Not sure where this will take us next, but we're keeping open minds.

How about you... are you "settled?"

Daily (hourly?) Intimacy

Well, that got you reading! ;)

Still stuck on the Twilight saga.

I finished Eclipse and have ordered the boxed set of all 4 from Amazon for re-reading... (What a JUNKIE I've become...) and last night I started Midnight Sun (online) to tide me over til the Amazon box arrives. There’s so much in there to ponder. I find it keeps seeping into my reality.

I realized last night that I've been trying to emulate some of the honesty (and playfulness where honesty is concerned) in my own life that's evident in most of the relationships within Stephenie Meyer’s books. It's interesting to see the pleasant and sometimes unexpected responses I receive. Mostly, I’m intrigued by how easy it is to blurt what’s been hiding inside when I do it with the intention of honoring a relationship rather than proving a point.

Take marital intimacy as one example. You know, we may fantasize about makin' out like teenagers and having that intense longing for one another, but how often do we actually try to achieve that level of intimacy again? In the past, that fiery spark was often caused by the threat of getting caught or the fear of something yet to be experienced... stealing short snippets of time together and hoping to experience a degree of that rapture, if only from a simple touch on the face or embrace.

As parents, “grown-ups,” if you will, we're often reduced to the base... wham, bam we-have-15-mins-so-let's-get-on-with-it-and-get-to-sleep attitudes about intimacy. I've been wondering if "getting caught" doesn't have to mean by our parents anymore. What if we took those same fire-inducing risks while adding intimacy to the mundane? Where’s that new envelope to push? Preparing dinner... passing one another in the hallway while getting kids ready for bed... kissing each other goodbye in the morning... long stares at noontime on a Sunday while holding out so you're not the first to drop your gaze. What if we risked getting caught acting not-so-married and routine? (oooh, SCANDALOUS!)

How might that help the stress levels of couples currently in the marriage wringers? What would it mean for you both to really feel “I’m truly with you” when you’re near each other?

Where else do you seek more honest, intimacy in your life? Are you truly engaged and honest with your kids, your friends, your mom… would you like to be? If so, what’s holding you back?