Gathering and Reshaping the Bits

I'm a member of an online networking group called "mums the word" on ning. I read a blog post today from a mum in South West Scotland talking about how mothers wear many hats each day ranging from the mundane to the really emotion-wracking and still remain to keep it “together.”

We get our own eyes open for a moment, our "fashion expert" whips up an outfit out of nothing, our "wife" kisses the husband, our "nurturer" snuggles with the little face that appears bedside, our "groomer" gets the hair bows fastened, our "cook" makes the lunches, our "teacher" prods the homework completion, our “counselor” assures our little girl that Sophia really doesn’t “hate her” and even if she does, one need not quit kindergarten over it, and then our "career lady" shifts gears into work mode (was there a shower somewhere in there??)

Somehow, most of us are able to maintain an amazing appearance of decorum even though our insides might be blown all to bits. As we move through motherhood, wearing all the hats that appear in front of us... sometimes we choose them, sometimes we just wear a hat unknowingly... following the moment, flowing with the need at hand.

But who, indeed, is there when WE fall apart? With whom can we feel safe and coddled in the moment when we're all used up?

I had a moment like this last December. I called my great aunt. I needed to be heard and when I said the words, "there is something on my heart," I fell to tears. I immediately thanked her for being on the line to hear me, to be with me and to hold the space for whatever came next. I was in bits and pieces all over, but she neither stopped me nor tried to sweep up nor order my pieces. She simply let me be there. And she wept with me. She didn't try to make my emotion smaller, or less upsetting. She didn't say, "That’s just the way it goes." She didn't try to fix it. She was empathetic and somehow hugged me back together even though she was over a thousand miles away.

It's finding your "person" or group of people who let you be right where you are and let you talk your way through the "scattered" times. Often they help you know that sometimes being all blown apart helps to reorder everything in even better shape once back together again.

What puts you back together again? A person? A place? A prayer?

WAHM I AM - short tribute the Theo Geisel

In honor of one of my favorite authors (who's birthday happens to be one short week prior to my own...)

I am WAHM.
WAHM I AM.

That WAHM I AM. That WAHM I AM!
I do not like that WAHM I AM!

But do you like how she works for the fam?


That's all I've got... I'm on hold with Yahoo customer service after a long day. Perhaps one of you could add on?

Enjoy.

Where Have The Nuggets Been???

I know.

I haven't been writing in The Chest much in February. I've been busy learning and producing in other ways. That and we've had waves of illness in my house. I've had these wild ear infections that seem to fade in and out with respiratory stuff and congestion in a peculiar "almost a cold... almost sick enough to keep me down" kind of way. It's been annoying.

I'm also in the process of giving julzoflife.com a makeover. I've enlisted lots of feedback, resources and assistance with this. A fab new look and feel is on it's way... so I have this hesitance to send anyone peeking at the old look.

As to what I've been learning... here's what I came up with:

• Exercise now fuels my energy for everything. When it stops, it's like dominoes that quickly fall and suck up my energy and clarity. I breath better, see better, think better, move with less pain, and smile more after I've exercised.
• I can plan "escape valves" for my domino effect. Instead of succumbing to the "can't run outside, I'll kill myself on the ice" theory, I can have options. Options look like, "brave the "dreadmill," (reNAME the dreadmill!), do staircase repetitions... shovel snow... pull the kids in a sled for 3o minutes... climb the sledding hill a dozen or more times."
• Throwing in the towel in one place leads to lots of thrown towels. I started eating like crap on top of it. Where did all this candy come from anyway? Who made Valentine's Day like Halloween??
• Throwing out candy is OKAY... go ahead, try it! Nobody dies.
• Even in the midst of change, be realistic about what "is" and choose your actions accordingly. Not much good happens when your undies don't fit. Wearing them too tight will cut off circulation and make your belly ache. Too loose, you could end up with them at your ankles without notice.
• For your ship to come in, you need to send out ships in the first place. I've heard this stated as "hope is not a marketing plan" and "reap what you sow" as well. Whatever hits you best, repeat it daily. And be aware of what your sending out, the law of attraction is great.
• Stay the course regardless of fear and strife. If you're doing what you're passionate about, there will be attacks on your will. There will be fleeting options that seem attractive and easy. Root it back to your values. Keep doing what fits them.

What did rosey February teach you?

Endorsement: "The Command Center" by Elizabeth Hagen

I'm a fan of Robert Middleton's eZine, More Clients. In it, I found an offer for an office organizing system outlined by Elizabeth Hagen. The link above is a free overview. The whole program and how to use it was available for under $30.

I began implementing it at the beginning of February. I started with getting rid of my horizontal filing system (that I so loved!) and purging unnecessary paper. Purge! Whoo Hoo! I let go of so much, paper and otherwise. What a difference it's made! I can focus more easily how that I have that clean slate feeling each day!

The best part about it has been the ability to capture what used to be "fleeting ideas" and tid bits of value that would otherwise go down the drain. (Sometimes quite literally, as many of my best ideas happen in the shower.) Not only are these captured, but the system allows one to put them into action.

If you have paper tigers sabotaging your days... give it a go!

Black Thursday Blushes a Bit

I’ve definitely had years of my life in which I’ve dreaded February. In fact, a girlfriend and I dubbed Valentine’s Day “black (whatever the day of the week it falls on).” So this year it would be Black Thursday.

It began when she received a ridiculous stuffed frog from her then “sweetheart.” We put an end (so we thought) to the overly high expectations of the Hallmark holiday and decided to just totally blast the day with sarcastic gestures.

No red garb. We wore black. (Although I did score a red silk shirt with black hearts which became "the uniform" for the day.) We bought ourselves flowers and candy (or surprised each other with hilarious cards and dumb gifts.) We made fun of people who were gushy in love. And we competed to find the most pathetic attempts at meeting the ever so high expectation of the day.

“Oh mine wins… he called at 11:30 last night, a last ditch effort, I thought, and then chimes in with ‘oh yeah, today’s Valentine’s day… what did you want to do for that again?’”

“No listen to this, I’ve got a better one…” and so it went. Until one year, when my reality was more like a bad psycho thriller movie.

After that, we ignored the day for a while. We eased back into the humor. Since then, she’s traded the frog man for a decent model and I’ve found my own true love and had kids. It’s a softer, gentler day. Filled with more sugar and silliness than sarcasm… more love than expectation.

So Long January!

I’m so glad to see the month gone. HELLO February!

Not that there was anything truly catastrophic this month. The Wisconsin tornadoes missed our house. Nobody broke any bones. There were no outrageous, unexpected house or car expenses. We are clothed, fed, and in general good health and repair. Overall, my family is pretty blessed at the moment.

There were just plain emotional tornadoes. I experienced a few near misses that just made me think (and feel) to the edge of myself. Many decisions were pending. Many options were weighed. Many cobwebs were cleared, both literal and figurative. And even a few lines were drawn. My ability to “brush it off and move on” was challenged on a near daily basis.

Maybe it’s the chill. Maybe it’s the hibernation isolation. January seems to bring a stale eerie feeling somewhere after week two. No matter how great the intention of the “new year,” something creeps in and I’m ecstatic to see “the rosy month of love” show up.

Keep It Moving

As I was doing a major desk purge, I came across the following quote by Alice Roosevelt Longworth:

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full.

I thought about my 3 year old. Her favorite thing to do at the moment is just that. She will spend hours transferring dried beans and pasta from one container to the next, sometimes spooning, sometimes pouring, but usually singing or narrating. She’ll do the same thing with a paper bag or furry backpack. She fills it up, takes it to another room and empties it out, only to fill it again and take it away. In the bath, same thing; fill the cup and empty the cup. Movement is fascinating.

As I purged my office yesterday, I emptied several containers only to fill them again with more useful or appropriate contents. I realized that much of the treasure inside had become obsolete or otherwise unimportant (so I filled my empty recycling can!) I also found information and ideas on scraps and great little boxes that had been hiding too long and needed new homes so that they would again be treasures for a season.

I found several coins in my purge. Have you ever noticed that even money needs to move around and change hands or it gets a bit powdery and funny looking?

During my “shower thoughts” today, I pondered all the things that spoil when left to sit. I think festering thoughts are the worst. Harsh words harbored. The assumption never checked. Apologies left unsaid. Sometimes, with one action (letting go, seeking truth or finding forgiveness) we can empty and fill at the same time.

What are you ready to empty? What would you like to fill?