Daily (hourly?) Intimacy

Well, that got you reading! ;)

Still stuck on the Twilight saga.

I finished Eclipse and have ordered the boxed set of all 4 from Amazon for re-reading... (What a JUNKIE I've become...) and last night I started Midnight Sun (online) to tide me over til the Amazon box arrives. There’s so much in there to ponder. I find it keeps seeping into my reality.

I realized last night that I've been trying to emulate some of the honesty (and playfulness where honesty is concerned) in my own life that's evident in most of the relationships within Stephenie Meyer’s books. It's interesting to see the pleasant and sometimes unexpected responses I receive. Mostly, I’m intrigued by how easy it is to blurt what’s been hiding inside when I do it with the intention of honoring a relationship rather than proving a point.

Take marital intimacy as one example. You know, we may fantasize about makin' out like teenagers and having that intense longing for one another, but how often do we actually try to achieve that level of intimacy again? In the past, that fiery spark was often caused by the threat of getting caught or the fear of something yet to be experienced... stealing short snippets of time together and hoping to experience a degree of that rapture, if only from a simple touch on the face or embrace.

As parents, “grown-ups,” if you will, we're often reduced to the base... wham, bam we-have-15-mins-so-let's-get-on-with-it-and-get-to-sleep attitudes about intimacy. I've been wondering if "getting caught" doesn't have to mean by our parents anymore. What if we took those same fire-inducing risks while adding intimacy to the mundane? Where’s that new envelope to push? Preparing dinner... passing one another in the hallway while getting kids ready for bed... kissing each other goodbye in the morning... long stares at noontime on a Sunday while holding out so you're not the first to drop your gaze. What if we risked getting caught acting not-so-married and routine? (oooh, SCANDALOUS!)

How might that help the stress levels of couples currently in the marriage wringers? What would it mean for you both to really feel “I’m truly with you” when you’re near each other?

Where else do you seek more honest, intimacy in your life? Are you truly engaged and honest with your kids, your friends, your mom… would you like to be? If so, what’s holding you back?

Day's a Wastin'

I’ve been immersed in the Twilight saga. (Started Eclipse last night!) Reading them has reminded me that I was once dead set on becoming a writer for teens. The author has reached two distinct audiences (teens and say, the 25-45 crowd?) with such gripping passion that I’m in awe.

It’s evoked so much in me that I’m often just standing there, dumb, with my mouth and eyes wide open… wondering. I wonder about my life, my past, present and future and pictures vividly flash before me… memories I haven’t thought about for years. I’ve had so much “head down” time with kids and muttling through that I’m excited and fearful at once that I just might be waking back up.

I looked at my girls last night… My eldest was teaching her sister something on paper, her air-dried pool hair draped around her face in perfect waves. My youngest looked up and smiled at me all the way to the corners of her eyes… they were being kind to each other. I was struck…

“Wow, are you amazing and adorable!”

How is it that I often don’t see? I’d just been in a rage about them losing the “wet hair comb” (it’s a curly hair thing…) not fifteen minutes prior. It wasn’t about them. It was about nothing being where it should (including me)… it was about too much change… it was about overwhelm. They were so forgiving. What kind of mess am I these days, I wondered? Such a mess that I can’t see what IS.

This is what I call an “ah ha” moment. I’m noticing (again!) just how very simple it is to slip out of the present and let the beauty in my life slip by without my noticing. It’s like waking up and finding that it’s noon on a gorgeous day.

Time to wake now. Day’s a wasting.

Perspective in The Dead Zone

I'm finding it rather funny (not so much "hilarious" funny) that my life holds many parallels to a story about a vampire and a girl. Although I've not been in a relationship with a nocturnal creature who drinks blood, I've had plenty of situations suck the "life" or "passion" straight out of me. (And many which have resulted in quite the opposite as well... some of them the very same situation at a new stage.)

I've been engrossed in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. (Thus, not so much blog writing of late.) I've found it funny to learn how many women my age are also gripping their 500pg volumes and not putting them down except to shower (perhaps.) Since I'm of the age where many passions are by the wayside while the kids, the hubby, the job, the house, the dog... all need cleaning, feeding, tending and attending, it doesn't really surprise me that this book series has turned into an obsession in the hands of my peers.

I've only read the first book and it's awakened in me parts that have been slowly dying. Over the years, (and most certainly the last one) senses have been dulled through pain and necessity.

While reading Bella's descriptions of Forks, WA, a town soaked in rain nearly 24/7, I'm reminded of how perspective plays a role in everything. When I was 16, I was taken (dragged is more appropriate) to Canada to go fishing. Dream vacation for a teenage girl, no? Lake of the Woods Ontario is beautiful, but not for a 16 year old girl who would rather die that hook a minnow through the eyes. I chose to hang on the doc reading and writing (and sulking a bit) until they'd fetch me for shore lunch. After lunch they would drop me back on the dock to sunbathe or, if it was nice, we'd waterski.

After a day or two, my family noticed my increasing enthusiasm about our choice in vacation spots. Bugs, worms, minnows, cold water and all, I was happy. There was another amenity at our "resort." He was a curly haired, sky blue-eyed 17 yr old who carried gas cans and cleaned fish (and gave me crap for my "participation" in the family vacation.)

Later that summer, my folks announced that they were going to go back north (the 12+ hours) for a little fishing trip. "Great! Can I go?" actually escaped my lips.

It poured (POURED) for the entire 4 days we were there. I smiled the whole way home.

Perspective.

I find that in my current "dead zone" moments that I've held a very "head down and into the wind" posture. I haven't been raising my eyes to see the details or the beauty therein. I haven't stopped enough to straighten my body and inhale what's available in the moment.

I've chosen to stop. To look. To drink in the details. So there's more life now. I can feel it already.

What perspectives are you missing? What's up? What passions are to be found when you drink in some life around you?

Gratitude and Funny #2

So the funny...

Both of my girls have now asked if they had to "peck" out of my body to be born.

I'm intensely grateful that the answer is "NO."

Also grateful that the questions haven't gone too much further... yet.

How about you? For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude and a Funny #1

Yesterday, I started posting "gratitude" on Facebook. I thought the reponse was great! My goal is to post things I'm grateful for each day along with something humorous. I hope you'll play along or at least enjoy!

Sesame Street - given that in two days we will no longer have TV at my house... I'm savoring it.

Cupcakes - I get to make these with Vivian today for "end of school" and "end of sitter" celebrations.

Hot coffee... ahhh.

Lip liner.

Sunshine on my shoulders (not yet today, but it may be in the cards!)

So... the funny:

Last week I casually used the word "predicament" while talking to my 4 year old. She asked what it meant. I defined it for her.

She then says, "So like when there are 3 or 4 choices of special treat and they're all good... that's a predicament, right?"

And she went on 4 or 5 other examples... all totally correct. Just cracked me up. We all have predicaments, don't we??

So... what are YOU grateful for today? Please comment.

Is it a game with a stick, or a state of being...

Limbo.

This is a prevalent theme for many of my friends and I. Stuck between hither and yon. (I've tried google maps... not much help in finding my way on this one.)

Selling homes, waiting for economic waters to warm a bit, waiting to hear on jobs, filling dressers with half our summer clothes and keeping out 1/2 the winter... we're in Dr. Seuss' "waiting place."

A lot of serious stuff going on everywhere. The news is rather petrifying. I'm looking forward to the 12th when we'll have NO TV. (We're a strange family that chooses no cable and a converter box is worthless on snowy reception.)

I have a friend who advises others to skip right to page 5 of the newspaper because that's where they hide all the good news. It got me thinking. I've had a lot of "how low can you go" moments of late and I'm wondering where my page 5 has gone? What would it look like?

My page 5 would have to be filled with humor, reminders about flexibility, patience and reasons for gratitude. Each day, I've committed to posting a few notes of gratitude and finding something funny to share. I hope you'll join me in the comments section.

It may be a stretch, but that's what has to be done to get out from under this stick... standing tall on the other side.

How low can YOU go? (And remember, no ducking under... that's cheating. Chin and nose under that bar!) ;)

Valuing Your Summer Schedule

"A schedule defends from chaos and whim.
It is a net for catching days...
A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order --
willed, faked, and so brought into being.
~Annie Dillard

School ends, camps begin, vacations ensue, new sitters start, visitors arrive… and before you know it, it’s Labor Day. Where’d the summer go?

I have a one hour FREE telecourse designed to help moms transition from one “season” to the next. Summer is certainly a season of change. It’s not too late to map out what you’d like your “Summer 2009” essay to look like!

Wednesday, June 17th, 8-9pm CT.
Write to Julie@julzoflife.com or call 262-374-3744 to register.

If you can't play this time, one on one coaching is available as well. Give me a call for details.