The Power of “Getting Out”

On Friday, I went for coffee again. This made the second Friday in a row that I actually got out. I’m not incarcerated; I’ve just fallen pray to a bad habit. The habit is called “working from home means staying at home.”

I work with individuals who are job searching and I repeatedly stress the importance of face to face networking and just "getting out there." The word networking gives most of us shivers, so let's talk about my coffee dates instead.

It had been nearly a year since I’ve seen my friend Colleen outside of cyberspace. She's a mom-trepreneur who owns Toe to Toe, a ballet studio, and has 4 school-aged boys, so her schedule is nuts.
There were a thousand barriers to my making this (or any other) date. Could I fit it in my schedule? This is a bit decadent for this economy if it’s “just for fun.” What would I have to move to get it in there? Could I get my kindergartener fed and on the bus on time? A coffee shop cup of coffee is 9 million dollars and I can buy several hundred pots at home for that. This means that I’ll have to shower and perhaps find my mascara, doesn’t it? Amazing how logical the Gremlins in our heads sound when we’re branching out of the cozy norm. Regardless, we nailed down a date and time and decided to meet halfway at a mom and pop coffee shop.


Appropriately named for my momentous branching out – our venue, “Tickled Pink” was adorable and inviting. It seemed to breed connection and unlikely pairings. It’s an antique and consignment shop in the middle and a sort of small business hub on the outskirts, complete with WiFi. I was greeted by a band of morning hecklers who were admitted regulars to the shop. They were hospitable and welcoming as I fumbled through my awkward ordering of “just a dumb old cuppa coffee, nothing fancy.” They all wondered just how on earth I’d never been in the shop if I’d lived in the community since it opened.

How, indeed? It sure seemed the place to be.

As I was stirring in some real Wisconsin cream, my friend arrived, ordered and checked out a “Princess Tea Party” flyer on the counter and led me to a cozy spot by a fake roaring fire.

We caught up on family lives and went on into chatting about businesses, hers and mine. Despite the economy, ballet is booming and she’s adding classes. We talked about my writing and coaching and recent opportunities I’d been exploring. I told her that since I’ve now revamped hundreds of resumes, I took my hand at my own. Not an easy task. She asked for a copy so she could take a look at my work and perhaps ask her husband if there was a need for some of my freelance where he works. I handed one over.

We talked about a mutual friend, Robin, who’s also a mom-trepreneur. She owns Zainey and Zoe, an online boutique that features girls’ accessories. Colleen wanted to contact her about an upcoming event for vendors at her studio, but she lost her number. I’m Robin’s business coach, so I knew it by heart.

Our short hour and twenty minutes was coming to a close. As we whipped on our coats, she folded up my resume and joked, “you don’t teach dance do you?”

“I taught Salsa and Meringue in college…”

“You’re kidding?! People keep asking for couples dancing. I’ll need to ponder this…” And we parted, vowing to make it less than a year until next time.

I had such fun on my coffee field trip that I repeated it again. This time with Robin and this time we each had a small girl in tow. We’re seasoned at this, so we were prepared to keep them entertained. Also, the week prior, I’d noticed the sign prominently hung above the coffee counter which read, “Unattended children will be served coffee and given a puppy.” Best to bring crayons.

We settled in next to the same faux fire as I had the week before and swept through the news of late. The girls colored while we sipped and chatted. I told Robin about a great deal I scored at the Clearwaters Salon around the corner yesterday ($5 cuts with an apprentice stylist who was wonderful!) While there, I learned about The Green Grocer, a new holistic food store that had a host of gluten free product. (Robin buys gluten free… always looking for a new local source.)

By chance, Colleen came in with her business manager and was able to connect with Robin personally about the vendor fair. The business manager would be handling it, and since being introduced, they can now put names to faces.

Our time was up and we gathered coats. Robin put Zaine’s adorable hat back on (her own creation, as we typically adorn our smidgens in her work when we take them out) and we headed for the door. The owner was there, holding it open and wishing us a good day. As we passed, she said, “What an ADORABLE beanie!” Robin, who can be squeamish about selling, was quick to casually respond, “Would you like to sell them in your store? I make them. Here’s my card.” Delightful.

Just like butter. One right after the next, connections flowed. I might never teach Salsa at the studio. Robin might not partake in the vendor fair. Perhaps nothing will come of Colleen’s husband peeking at my resume. But the seeds were planted. As soon as the message bottles are thrown in the ocean, things are more possible than they were yesterday.

Get out there.

Are you settled?

Interesting to see where I was in July amidst my immersion in much needed diversion. (The joys of a blog.) Since then, my husband and I have packed, unpacked, removed wallpaper from and painted multiple rooms, cleared and otherwise reorganized stuff left in the new house and moved the rest of our stuff to one home. For both of us, work life has changed and is still in flux.

I'm not sure that "settled" is the word I'd like to achieve. I'm not sure it's entirely possible (or desireable), to be honest. Every time someone askes that of me, "Are you settled in?" I can't muster an affirmative answer. "It will take a while, I think, but it's feeling homier." Is homier even a word?!

So I'm taking the old adage to heart. "Happiness is not a destination, but a manner of travel."

When the weather was exceedingly gorgeous, we took time to enjoy the pool and get the yard in better order. My youngest learned to ride a two-wheeler and we were all there to witness. When school started, my husband and I took advantage of our work schedules and hung out at the roadside as a family, teaching the dog not to eat the bus as it swallowed his girls.

We are not "unsettled," so there's that. It's as if we're floating somewhere near the surface instead of sinking to the bottom to rest with the other silt.

Not sure where this will take us next, but we're keeping open minds.

How about you... are you "settled?"

Daily (hourly?) Intimacy

Well, that got you reading! ;)

Still stuck on the Twilight saga.

I finished Eclipse and have ordered the boxed set of all 4 from Amazon for re-reading... (What a JUNKIE I've become...) and last night I started Midnight Sun (online) to tide me over til the Amazon box arrives. There’s so much in there to ponder. I find it keeps seeping into my reality.

I realized last night that I've been trying to emulate some of the honesty (and playfulness where honesty is concerned) in my own life that's evident in most of the relationships within Stephenie Meyer’s books. It's interesting to see the pleasant and sometimes unexpected responses I receive. Mostly, I’m intrigued by how easy it is to blurt what’s been hiding inside when I do it with the intention of honoring a relationship rather than proving a point.

Take marital intimacy as one example. You know, we may fantasize about makin' out like teenagers and having that intense longing for one another, but how often do we actually try to achieve that level of intimacy again? In the past, that fiery spark was often caused by the threat of getting caught or the fear of something yet to be experienced... stealing short snippets of time together and hoping to experience a degree of that rapture, if only from a simple touch on the face or embrace.

As parents, “grown-ups,” if you will, we're often reduced to the base... wham, bam we-have-15-mins-so-let's-get-on-with-it-and-get-to-sleep attitudes about intimacy. I've been wondering if "getting caught" doesn't have to mean by our parents anymore. What if we took those same fire-inducing risks while adding intimacy to the mundane? Where’s that new envelope to push? Preparing dinner... passing one another in the hallway while getting kids ready for bed... kissing each other goodbye in the morning... long stares at noontime on a Sunday while holding out so you're not the first to drop your gaze. What if we risked getting caught acting not-so-married and routine? (oooh, SCANDALOUS!)

How might that help the stress levels of couples currently in the marriage wringers? What would it mean for you both to really feel “I’m truly with you” when you’re near each other?

Where else do you seek more honest, intimacy in your life? Are you truly engaged and honest with your kids, your friends, your mom… would you like to be? If so, what’s holding you back?

Day's a Wastin'

I’ve been immersed in the Twilight saga. (Started Eclipse last night!) Reading them has reminded me that I was once dead set on becoming a writer for teens. The author has reached two distinct audiences (teens and say, the 25-45 crowd?) with such gripping passion that I’m in awe.

It’s evoked so much in me that I’m often just standing there, dumb, with my mouth and eyes wide open… wondering. I wonder about my life, my past, present and future and pictures vividly flash before me… memories I haven’t thought about for years. I’ve had so much “head down” time with kids and muttling through that I’m excited and fearful at once that I just might be waking back up.

I looked at my girls last night… My eldest was teaching her sister something on paper, her air-dried pool hair draped around her face in perfect waves. My youngest looked up and smiled at me all the way to the corners of her eyes… they were being kind to each other. I was struck…

“Wow, are you amazing and adorable!”

How is it that I often don’t see? I’d just been in a rage about them losing the “wet hair comb” (it’s a curly hair thing…) not fifteen minutes prior. It wasn’t about them. It was about nothing being where it should (including me)… it was about too much change… it was about overwhelm. They were so forgiving. What kind of mess am I these days, I wondered? Such a mess that I can’t see what IS.

This is what I call an “ah ha” moment. I’m noticing (again!) just how very simple it is to slip out of the present and let the beauty in my life slip by without my noticing. It’s like waking up and finding that it’s noon on a gorgeous day.

Time to wake now. Day’s a wasting.

Perspective in The Dead Zone

I'm finding it rather funny (not so much "hilarious" funny) that my life holds many parallels to a story about a vampire and a girl. Although I've not been in a relationship with a nocturnal creature who drinks blood, I've had plenty of situations suck the "life" or "passion" straight out of me. (And many which have resulted in quite the opposite as well... some of them the very same situation at a new stage.)

I've been engrossed in the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. (Thus, not so much blog writing of late.) I've found it funny to learn how many women my age are also gripping their 500pg volumes and not putting them down except to shower (perhaps.) Since I'm of the age where many passions are by the wayside while the kids, the hubby, the job, the house, the dog... all need cleaning, feeding, tending and attending, it doesn't really surprise me that this book series has turned into an obsession in the hands of my peers.

I've only read the first book and it's awakened in me parts that have been slowly dying. Over the years, (and most certainly the last one) senses have been dulled through pain and necessity.

While reading Bella's descriptions of Forks, WA, a town soaked in rain nearly 24/7, I'm reminded of how perspective plays a role in everything. When I was 16, I was taken (dragged is more appropriate) to Canada to go fishing. Dream vacation for a teenage girl, no? Lake of the Woods Ontario is beautiful, but not for a 16 year old girl who would rather die that hook a minnow through the eyes. I chose to hang on the doc reading and writing (and sulking a bit) until they'd fetch me for shore lunch. After lunch they would drop me back on the dock to sunbathe or, if it was nice, we'd waterski.

After a day or two, my family noticed my increasing enthusiasm about our choice in vacation spots. Bugs, worms, minnows, cold water and all, I was happy. There was another amenity at our "resort." He was a curly haired, sky blue-eyed 17 yr old who carried gas cans and cleaned fish (and gave me crap for my "participation" in the family vacation.)

Later that summer, my folks announced that they were going to go back north (the 12+ hours) for a little fishing trip. "Great! Can I go?" actually escaped my lips.

It poured (POURED) for the entire 4 days we were there. I smiled the whole way home.

Perspective.

I find that in my current "dead zone" moments that I've held a very "head down and into the wind" posture. I haven't been raising my eyes to see the details or the beauty therein. I haven't stopped enough to straighten my body and inhale what's available in the moment.

I've chosen to stop. To look. To drink in the details. So there's more life now. I can feel it already.

What perspectives are you missing? What's up? What passions are to be found when you drink in some life around you?

Gratitude and Funny #2

So the funny...

Both of my girls have now asked if they had to "peck" out of my body to be born.

I'm intensely grateful that the answer is "NO."

Also grateful that the questions haven't gone too much further... yet.

How about you? For what are you grateful today?

Gratitude and a Funny #1

Yesterday, I started posting "gratitude" on Facebook. I thought the reponse was great! My goal is to post things I'm grateful for each day along with something humorous. I hope you'll play along or at least enjoy!

Sesame Street - given that in two days we will no longer have TV at my house... I'm savoring it.

Cupcakes - I get to make these with Vivian today for "end of school" and "end of sitter" celebrations.

Hot coffee... ahhh.

Lip liner.

Sunshine on my shoulders (not yet today, but it may be in the cards!)

So... the funny:

Last week I casually used the word "predicament" while talking to my 4 year old. She asked what it meant. I defined it for her.

She then says, "So like when there are 3 or 4 choices of special treat and they're all good... that's a predicament, right?"

And she went on 4 or 5 other examples... all totally correct. Just cracked me up. We all have predicaments, don't we??

So... what are YOU grateful for today? Please comment.