Speed Dating

Last night, in a long-awaited gathering of friends, I was reminded how important it is to find community. We are all alone in many aspects. We may be around people all day, or not. We may talk to people constantly, or not. We may have plenty on the social calendar, or not. None of this really accounts for how alone a person may feel. Isolation comes in many packages, most especially for extroverts who work from home... alone.

We chose to “speed date” last night (or some warped version thereof for all of us aged 30-40 something wives/moms.) Our dilemma has always been that our evenings together as a group are few and far between. While we enjoy the time out together, we never feel completely caught up or “in tune” with what’s going on in the lives of these women we call friends.

We’re all busy. We’re all caught up in our own junk. So we’ll chat a bit about the tooth fairy incident to one friend, a bit about the job search to another, and on a rare occasion, we’ll get into some of the meat of our challenges. Sometimes, if we eavesdrop, we’ll catch a 2 for 1 conversation and learn about what’s happening with two other gals, but then it’s time to go, leaving so much left unsaid and unheard.

There were 12 of us. The first hour is filled with greeting each other and discussing what delicious things are on the countertop buffet. Once we had our group, we sat in a circle with our loaded plates and touched on what’s been happening of late.

There were losses, there were gains. There were updates on things we knew and surprising news of things we’d not yet heard. There were admissions, confessions and some therapeutic monologues that solidified self discoveries for us all to bear witness. There has been healing as well as disrepair. There was laughter, silence and tears. New jokes were made that are sure to last.

We heard, “my life is boring, nothing really going on…” more than once. (Even in the assumed mundane we can feel isolation.) Yet, everyone had struggles and learning and triumphs that were inspiring. I gained something from every woman there. I felt seen, heard, loved and a tiny been more known. I have a better idea of how I might support each of my friends. I can keep an eye out for resources to help her, lend an ear or a hand, spread the word about her skill or products. Or I can just hold the space for her success.

We’ve decided to speed date once a month, but I think we’ll need a better name…